CHURCHILL TOUR

5/16/2022

Today was an exciting day for the students. The students who will be attending Churchill participated in a tour of the high school and also participated in some activities to get them more comfortable with their surroundings. Many students are excited to start high school and are even more excited because of their tour today! Between recess and lunch, we had our unit test on triangles, parallelograms, and circles! In PE, we continued learning and practicing long jump and high jump technique.

IMPORTANT MESSAGES FOR PARENTS:
1.) GR. 7 YEARBOOK PHOTOS:

This is a reminder about the student photos that are being used in the 2021-2022 Gr. 7 yearbook, which will be distributed to all Gr. 7 students in Div. 1 and 2. By uploading your child's photo into the Google Drive survey that was sent out last week, you are giving consent for your child's photo to be included in the yearbook. These photos will be removed from the Google Drive server once they are included in the yearbook. If you do not want for your child's photo to be included in the yearbook, please do not upload the photo, or email the classroom teacher.

2.) Gr. 7 GROUP PHOTO (Tomorrow - TUESDAY, MAY 17th, 2022): (PARENTS PLEASE READ AND REVIEW)

Click here to read and review a letter from our principal regarding the Gr. 7 Group Photo taking place tomorrow.

LEARNING/PLANNER:
1.) READING: 30 minutes

2.) POST A RESPONSE:

NOTE: THIS WILL BE EVALUATED! MAKE SURE YOU COMPLETE EVERYTHING LISTED! IT WILL BE USED FOR PART OF YOUR REPORT CARD EVALUATIONS. ANYTHING COMPLETED AFTER 9am tomorrow morning will be LATE!
Today, you participated in a tour of Churchill this afternoon. You did a tour of the school and did rotations at different stations so you can become more accustomed to the high school learning environment.
LEARNING INTENTIONS: I can explain two important things I learned about Churchill (high school) today.
SUCCESS CRITERIA:
1.) PARAGRAPH FORMAT: intro/body/conclusion
2.) BODY: At least 2 supporting points. You must provide an example to support your point.
3.) GIVENS/CONVENTIONS: Spelling, grammar, sentence structure, and punctuation.
4.) SELF-ASSESSMENT: Complete a self-assessment using the criteria. YOU MUST POST A SENTENCE AS A REPLY TO YOUR ORIGINAL PARAGRAPH INDICATING AT LEAST ONE THING YOU CAN DO TO IMPROVE YOUR POST!
5.) PEER-ASSESSMENT: Give 2 students feedback based on the criteria.
6.) REVISION: Post your edited/revised post after responding to your own self-assessment or peer feedback.

VIDEO LINKS:
SWC GRADE 8 TOUR (old)

Kai

5/16/2022 03:11:47 pm

1st

Kai

5/16/2022 03:13:56 pm

Some of us didn’t go on the tour what can we do for par or do we not have to post?

Mr. Hong

5/17/2022 09:33:45 am

@Kai - Your next PAR will be evaluated.

Hayden

5/16/2022 03:44:31 pm

I learned that most things we see in movies are fake high school is so much more different then we think there are lots of people and so many ways to make friends join a club and just hang out and no your not going to be shoved in a poker these are the things I learned about high school

Kai

5/16/2022 04:14:54 pm

punctuation and grammar

Brendan

5/16/2022 05:09:10 pm

@Hayden- good job!

FEEDBACK: It’s all one run-on sentence, so try to separate it.

Iker

5/16/2022 06:19:48 pm

I am glad you post on a par!

use paragraph format, check for grammar mistakes, add more detail, and check your punctuation.

Jeremy

5/16/2022 09:47:09 pm

Feedback: add a hook and a conclusion sentence

Trevor

5/17/2022 09:37:01 am

@Hayden nice par

Feedback: Use paragraph format, check for punctuation mistakes

Sam

5/16/2022 03:46:03 pm

“I can’t wait to go to Churchill”
“yeah me too man” I am really excited to go to Churchill. Firstly I learned to be respectful to everyone and be kind to everyone. You can do that by helping people out if they don’t know what room they need to be in and be polite to everyone and complement them those are some things that you can do to be kind to someone. Secondly I learned the church is a big school so if you don’t wanna get lost you to follow simple instructions then ask others for help. If you can’t find the classroom you’re supposed to be in or you get lost You can ask a peer or a teacher. There’s a lot more things about Churchill that we don’t know about. Today we basically had a tour of the school and at the end of our tour there was a dance presentation and then a slideshow about what church might be like. Those are the main things I learned about Churchill today. I hope I have a good experience at Churchill.

Sam

5/16/2022 03:47:46 pm

Revised
I think I met most of the criteria.
Next time I could add a bit more detail and transition words.

Sam

5/16/2022 03:50:02 pm

can’t wait to go to Churchill”
“yeah me too man” I am really excited to go to Churchill. Firstly I learned to be respectful to everyone and be kind to everyone. An example might be helping people out if they don’t know what room they need to be in and be polite to everyone and complement them.Those are some things that you can do to be kind to someone. Secondly I learned the church is a big school so if you don’t wanna get lost you to follow simple instructions then ask others for help. If you can’t find the classroom you’re supposed to be in or you get lost You can ask a peer or a teacher. There’s a lot more things about Churchill that we don’t know about. Today we basically had a tour of the school and at the end of our tour there was a dance presentation and then a slideshow about what church might be like. Those are the main things I learned about Churchill today. I hope I have a good experience at Churchill.

Crystal

5/16/2022 09:42:30 pm

@Sam - Good job!
FEEDBACK
1) Check the givens. The first letters of your hook should be capitalized, "Can't" and "Yeah".
2) I'd suggest connecting your first point and your hook with a connecting sentence, as it doesn't sound very smooth. For example, you could say something like "excited to go to Churchill. *There are two things that I learned from the tour today.* ..."
Overall, great work!

Rhea

5/16/2022 04:02:13 pm

@Mr. Hong What if we didn't go to the Churchill tour?

Mais

5/16/2022 04:47:20 pm

I've always been scared to go to a high school, but Churchill seems like a wonderful high school after I had the tour of it. I enjoyed the tour a lot and it helped me learn many things about Churchill. This made me even more excited to go to high school and finally start my second stage of school education. During the Churchill tour, I learned that there is counselling where I can talk to someone about private things and support. I found this very interesting and very good at the same time because at some point, everyone likes to share their feelings privately to a trusted person. Another thing I distinctly remember during the tour was the 7 sisters mural at the front of the school. I love how it represents the indigenous cultures that were here on these lands before us. The vice-principal also said the first mural represents welcoming to anyone new to this school and I find that a very wholesome way to welcome students to a place like high school because some people can be very nervous and shy on their first few days. In conclusion, I think Churchill is an upstanding high school and I hope I have a very good experience when I arrive there in September.

Mais

5/16/2022 04:48:37 pm

I can improve my conclusion sentence and some grammar issues.

Mais

5/16/2022 04:52:27 pm

Revised Version:
I've always been afraid to go to a high school, but Churchill seems like a wonderful high school after I had the tour of it. I enjoyed the tour a lot and it helped me learn many things about Churchill. This made me even more excited to go to high school and finally start my second stage of school education. During the Churchill tour, I learned that there is counselling where I can talk to someone about private things and support. I found this very interesting and very good at the same time because at some point, everyone likes to share their feelings, privately to a trusted person or friend. Another thing I distinctly remember during the tour was the 7 sisters mural at the front of the school field. I love how it represents the indigenous cultures that were here on these lands before us. and the vice-principal also mentioned that the first mural represents welcoming to anyone new to this school and I find that a very wholesome way to welcome students to a place like high school; because some people can be very nervous and shy on their first few days. In conclusion, I think Churchill is an upstanding high school and I hope I get a chance to explore it even more next year since my opportunity will be bigger after I graduate and finally be able to visit it everyday.

Jayden

5/16/2022 06:25:29 pm

Try splitting up the paragraphs a little so we could read it more clearly.

Beth

5/16/2022 05:07:17 pm

This September, the grade seven students of Laurier will be moving on to high school. A majority of them, including myself, will be going to Sir Winston Churchilll Secondary. For all students doing so, we were granted a tour of the school to give us an idea of what it will be like. The point is, I learned a few things from the tour that will help me in the future. Primarily, I learned about the IB program at Churchill, which is a challenge program for students. You can apply for this program, but you may also quit at any time, although you would have to retake a few classes. As well there is a program called Prelude to help you prep for IB. However, I learned that while having been in IB may help you in a resume, it does not guarantee you getting into university. Another thing that I learned that will definitely help me in the future is how to navigate the school. The guides informed me that there is a new wing, the "A Wing," and all the rooms in the A Wing will have the letter "A" in front of the room number above the door. In addition, if you don't know where you are, if you see that the stairs are red, you are most likely in the A Wing. Further on, the first number in each room number indicates which floor the room is on. For instance, if a room is on the first floor, the room number might be something like 143. In closing, I learned about the IB program, and how to navigate the school. I am grateful that I got the privilege of a tour to help me in the future, and it has prepared and excited me for the new school year.

Brendan

5/16/2022 05:16:11 pm

@Beth- Great paragraph!

FEEDBACK: You could try to include a more engaging hook.

Jayden

5/16/2022 06:24:39 pm

@Beth
At the second sentence you spelled Churchill wrong.

Beth

5/16/2022 09:14:23 pm

SELF-ASSESSMENT: I could include examples to support my points.

Beth

5/16/2022 09:18:35 pm

What are some major events in your life? In other words, significant sections of your life, that without, your life might be very different. Well, one such section for many might be high school. This September, the grade seven students of Laurier will be moving on to high school. A majority of them, including myself, will be going to Sir Winston Churchilll Secondary. For all students doing so, we were granted a tour of the school to give us an idea of what it will be like. The point is, I learned a few things from the tour that will help me in the future. Primarily, I learned about the IB program at Churchill, which is a challenge program for students. You can apply for this program, but you may also quit at any time, although you would have to retake a few classes. For instance, if you were taking grade 12 math in grade 10, but you quit midway then you may have to take extra classes to catch up to other people doing grade 10 math. As well there is a program called Prelude to help you prep for IB. However, I learned that while having been in IB may help you in a resume, it does not guarantee you getting into university. Another thing that I learned that will definitely help me in the future is how to navigate the school. The guides informed me that there is a new wing, the "A Wing," and all the rooms in the A Wing will have the letter "A" in front of the room number above the door. In addition, if you don't know where you are, if you see that the stairs are red, you are most likely in the A Wing. Further on, the first number in each room number indicates which floor the room is on. For instance, if a room is on the first floor, the room number might be something like 143. In closing, I learned about the IB program, and how to navigate the school. I am grateful that I got the privilege of a tour to help me in the future, and it has prepared and excited me for the new school year.

Angela

5/16/2022 06:14:46 pm

I've always been scared to go to a high school because of all the older grades. And when we had the tour it was not as scary as I thought. It was actually fun when we had the tour. And it helped me understand what classes are there and what we will learn in high school. We learned about the seven sister mural, the painting on the front of the school. We also learned about school counseling where you can talk to a trusted adult if there is something bothering you or if there are any important things that you would like to tell them in private. In conclusion, i am looking towards going to high school in September.

Angela

5/16/2022 06:23:56 pm

I need to fix my spelling errors.

Angela

5/16/2022 06:26:38 pm

Revised
I've always been scared to go to a high school because of all the older grades. And when we had the tour it was not as scary as I thought. It was actually fun when we had the tour. And it helped me understand what classes are there and what we will learn in high school. We learned about the 7 sister mural, the painting on the front of the school. We also learned about school counseling where you can talk to a trusted adult if there is something bothering you or if there are any important things that you would like to tell them in private. In conclusion, I am looking towards going to high school in September.

Iker

5/16/2022 06:51:01 pm

Nice revised version of your paragraph.

feedback; add some examples to support your point, and check your spelling and grammar errors.

Winna

5/17/2022 09:44:28 am

@Angela
FEEDBACK: 1. use older ‘students’
2. Don’t start sentences with ‘And’
3. Give examples of why the tour might help you

Mais

5/16/2022 06:27:09 pm

@Angela

Mais- Awesome paragraph!

Feedback: There's some improvement for grammar and spelling. Try to make a better conclusion.
Overall, good job! :)

Melissa

5/17/2022 09:37:59 am

Look out for spelling

Jayden

5/16/2022 06:31:35 pm

I was obviously afraid of going into high school because of massive amounts of homework and bullies but today we get an opportunity to tour Churchill to take a look at the wonderful activities. The tour clearly helped me know what the interesting programs for after school is like. It made me feel more confident as the science lab was obviously something looking really organized.

I learned about other things that would happen at Churchill which are bullies. If you encounter them please tell a trusted adult immediately. The most important thing that we obviously learned at Churchill was to be kind to other people.

In my opinion I think that I am ready to get ready to go to Churchill as everything in the tour looks great and you could stay with your friends if you are the same grade. I am now feeling better after visiting the interesting locations in Churchill.

Oriana

5/16/2022 10:12:01 pm

@Jayden - Great paragraphs! I like how you made each point very clear.
FEEDBACK : I would recommend that you add a stronger hook before your starting sentence to really draw in your reader.
Other than that, the rest is well written. Good job overall!

ASH

5/16/2022 10:19:24 pm

@Jayden- Good job! It is very understandable/clear!

FEEDBACK: You have some grammar mistakes

FEEDBACK: When you said "In my opinion I think that I am ready to get ready to go to Churchill as everything in the tour looks great and you could stay with your friends if you are the same grade." Please put a comma after you say "In my opinion becuase it's a transitions word.

Anyways great job Jayden!

The new Jayden

5/17/2022 09:40:34 am

I was obviously afraid of going into high school because of massive amounts of homework and bullies but today we get an opportunity to tour Churchill to take a look at the wonderful activities. The tour clearly helped me know what the interesting programs for after school feels like. It made me feel more confident as the science lab looked very cool.

I learned about other things that would happen at Churchill which are bullies. If you encounter them please tell a trusted adult immediately. The most important thing that we obviously learned at Churchill was to be kind and polite to others.

In my opinion, I think I am ready to get ready to go to Churchill as everything in the tour looks great and you could stay with your friends if you are the same grade. I am feeling better after visiting the interesting locations in Churchill.

Iker

5/16/2022 06:41:37 pm

High school can, and will probably be the most challenging thing before you enjoy your life as an adult. This is why we did a tour of a high school today in class called Churchill. And these are 2 things I learned from the tour. First of all, is that Churchill has many classes, gyms, and so much more that you can get lost very easily for example when I was going to the tour person he said that Jayden was missing. The second thing is that unlike in my class where I have 1 teacher teaching us all the subjects there are other teachers for each subject so I would think that will be a whole new experience once I come face to face with it. In conclusion, Churchill is a nice high school with new opportunities to come by.

Iker

5/16/2022 07:21:21 pm

self-assessment: try to add an example for all of my supporting points

Iker

5/16/2022 07:33:38 pm

High school can, and will probably be the most challenging thing before you enjoy your life as an adult. This is why we did a tour of a high school today in class called Churchill. And these are 2 things I learned from the tour. First of all, is that Churchill has many classes, gyms, and so much more that you can get lost very easily for example when I was going to the tour person he said that Jayden was missing. The second thing is that unlike in my class where I have 1 teacher teaching us all the subjects for example Mr.hong there are other teachers for each subject so I would think that will be a whole new experience once I come face to face with it. In conclusion, Churchill is a nice high school with new opportunities to come by.

Shawn

5/16/2022 07:47:22 pm

Thats actually a genuinely good paragraph.

My only piece of feedback is to add a better hook.

Iker Revised

5/16/2022 08:29:18 pm

WOWIE I'm so excited to do the Churchill tour! This was my reaction when I heard we were having a tour of Churchill high school High school can, and will probably be the most challenging thing before you enjoy your life as an adult. This is why we did a tour of a high school today in class called Churchill. And these are 2 things I learned from the tour. First of all, is that Churchill has many classes, gyms, and so much more that you can get lost very easily for example when I was going to the tour person he said that Jayden was missing. The second thing is that unlike in my class where I have 1 teacher teaching us all the subjects for example Mr.hong there are other teachers for each subject so I would think that will be a whole new experience once I come face to face with it. In conclusion, Churchill is a nice high school with new opportunities to come by.

Shawn

5/16/2022 06:53:48 pm

Did you know Winston Churchill is the largest high school in the district?
Today, we participated in a tour of Churchill this afternoon. We did a tour of the school and did rotations at different stations so we can become more accustomed to the high school learning environment.
After our tour we ate a snack, socialized and then went to see a performance. There was a dance performance in the auditorium followed by a presentation about Churchill where we were told facts about Churchill (and people clapped their hands for literally no reason). I learned that Churchill has multiple gyms, and is the largest high school in the district. The vice-principal then went over some myths about high school and debunked them. After that we headed back to Laurier and left to go home.

Shawn

5/16/2022 06:54:30 pm

Add better conclusion

Shawn (REVISED)

5/16/2022 07:51:26 pm

Did you know Winston Churchill is the largest high school in the district?
This afternoon, we participated in a tour of Churchill. We did a tour of the school and did rotations at different stations so we can become more accustomed to the high school learning environment.
After our tour we ate a snack, socialized and then went to see a performance. There was a dance performance in the auditorium followed by a presentation about Churchill where we were told facts about Churchill (and people clapped their hands for literally no reason). I learned that Churchill has multiple gyms, and is the largest high school in the district. The vice-principal then went over some myths about high school and debunked them. After that we headed back to Laurier and left to go home. In conclusion, High school will be hard to adjust to, but this tour will definitely help us understand the layout of the school.

Beth

5/16/2022 09:03:49 pm

FEEDBACK:
1. Add a more engaging hook (it's a little sudden).
2. You could back up your points more (for example, you could include some examples of some myths and facts that were shared).
3. In your last sentence, you capitalized "High school," which is not correct.

Ysh

5/17/2022 09:44:23 am

Shawn you forgot to add the part where we got juice boxes and probably add more detail, but overall it’s cool.

Brendan

5/16/2022 07:25:09 pm

Bam! A kid the size of a mountain slams into your back like a football player and sends you flying into your cramped locker. The fear of being bullied by an older student is something that is thought about by many future high schoolers, but what if I told you this was actually just a myth? This infamous, widely-know, often-told situation is fake! What! During the tour of Churchill Secondary School our class participated in today, I learned many useful tips and pieces of information related to the school and my future experience attending it. To start, the vice-principal suggested that we should fill our free time after school with various clubs and programs that are available at the school, such as drama, sports, etc. To elaborate, the reasoning behind these activities is their ability to help students socialize with others, instead of spending their time alone. For example, kids looking to find new friends will benefit especially from participating in clubs because it's a way to meet people who have similar interests as you. Additionally, I learned that all the students are free to roam in the hallways in between classes and that everyone has an individual locker somewhere in the school. This can allow me to prepare in advance so I can navigate the school more easily when I get into grade 8. To illustrate, if I know that I have a locker somewhere, then I won't have to go through the throng when I don't need to. In conclusion, I learned many things about Churchill, such as the various clubs and hallway navigation. Of course, I'm still a bit anxious about going to high school, but I know it's going to be a great new experience.

Brendan

5/16/2022 07:39:19 pm

Self-Assessment: I can change some wordings.

Bam! A kid the size of a mountain slams into your back like a football player and sends you flying into your cramped locker. The fear of being bullied in high school is something that is often thought about by many future high schoolers, but what if I told you this was actually just a myth? This infamous, widely-know, often-told scenario is fake! Unbelievable! When Division 1 and 2 participated in a tour around Churchill Secondary school today, I learned many useful tips and other pieces of information related to the school and my future experiences attending it. To start, the vice-principal suggested that we should fill our free time after school with various clubs and programs that are available at the school, such as drama, sports, etc. To elaborate, the reasoning behind these activities is their ability to help students socialize with others, instead of reinforcing their habits of spending their time alone. For example, students looking to find new friends will benefit especially from participating in clubs because it's a way for them to meet people with similar interests as them. Additionally, I also learned that all the students are free to roam in the hallways in between classes (which results in them being extremely crowded). This can allow me to prepare in advance so I can navigate the school more easily when I get into grade 8. To illustrate, if I know that I have a locker somewhere, then I won't have to go through the throng when I don't need to. In conclusion, I learned many things about Churchill, such as the various clubs and general knowledge about the way the school operated. Of course, I'm still a bit anxious about going to high school, but ultimately, I know it's going to be a great new experience.

REVISED

Kevin

5/16/2022 09:19:15 pm

@Brendan-engaging paragraph!

FEEDBACK:
In the third sentence, “widely-know" should be "widely-known"

Brendan

5/17/2022 10:00:19 am

Bam! A kid the size of a mountain slams into your back like a football player and sends you flying into your cramped locker. The fear of being bullied in high school is something that is often thought about by many future high schoolers, but what if I told you this was actually just a myth? This infamous, widely-known, often-told scenario is fake! Unbelievable! When Division 1 and 2 participated in a tour around Churchill Secondary school today, I learned many useful tips and other pieces of information related to the school and my future experiences attending it. To start, the vice-principal suggested that we should fill our free time after school with various clubs and programs that are available at the school, such as drama, sports, etc. To elaborate, the reasoning behind these activities is their ability to help students socialize with others, instead of reinforcing their habits of spending their time alone. For example, students looking to find new friends will benefit especially from participating in clubs because it's a way for them to meet people with similar interests as them. Additionally, I also learned that all the students are free to roam in the hallways in between classes (which results in them being extremely crowded). This can allow me to prepare in advance so I can navigate the school more easily when I get into grade 8. To illustrate, if I know that I have a locker somewhere, then I won't have to go through the throng when I don't need to. In conclusion, I learned many things about Churchill, such as the various clubs and general knowledge about the way the school operated. Of course, I'm still a bit anxious about going to high school, but ultimately, I know it's going to be a great new experience.

REVISED AGAIN

Shawn

5/16/2022 07:50:33 pm

Shawn (REVISED)

5/16/2022 07:51:04 pm

revised

Ella

5/16/2022 08:11:38 pm

Are you afraid of going to high school getting lots? But today we had a tour around Sir Winston Churchill Secondary and it wasn’t that scary. And not just did I get a tour, but I also got to learn a lot about it. Two very important thing I learned from when I was there is how we are never alone and that there is over lots of different club that you can join. First, you are never alone. The are always teachers, vice principles, etc that can help answer your questions. For example, if you don’t understand something about your project then you can go find a teacher during FIT time or some other time. Second, there are many clubs you can join. But if you are wondering about what you can benefit from it then there are a lot. You can do the things you like or would like to improve on. Furthermore, You can make friends watch the people that have the same interest as you. The in conclusion, you can make friends and do the things you like. “You will never be alone and you can join lots of clubs” are the two things I learned when going to Churchill’s tour.

Beth

5/16/2022 09:24:30 pm

@Ella - I found your introduction very engaging and a great flow into the topic!

FEEDBACK:
1. There were typos in your first and second last sentences.
2. In your last sentence, the quotation marks are unnecessary, and you could switch around the words, which might make it flow better. For instance, you could say "Two things I learned from Churchill's tour are that you will never be alone, and you can join lots of clubs."

Ocean

5/16/2022 08:19:42 pm

One thing that i learned about high school was that it wasn't like in movies. I also learned that there are clubs that you can join and participate in, for example if you are interested in something then there is probably a club for it.

Crystal

5/16/2022 09:38:06 pm

@Ocean - I like your two points!
FEEDBACK
1) Check the givens; you have to capitalize the "I" in your first sentence.
2) I'd suggest adding some supporting sentences to your points to further elaborate on what you're saying, and end with a conclusion.

Jeremy

5/16/2022 09:48:32 pm

Feedback: add a hook and try to add more detail.

Trevor

5/17/2022 09:40:44 am

@Ocean Nice Par

Feedback: paragraph format , add more deatils

Ysh

5/17/2022 09:46:33 am

Ocean it’s good but add more detail.

Bebe

5/16/2022 08:55:44 pm

There are a lot of things that I thought would happen at a high school that I learned today won't. First of all, no one will shove you into a locker like in the movies. Every one were so nice to me when I was on the tour. Doesn't seem like something that people would do. Next, there are a lot more fun things to do in high school other than just writing essays every day. There were woodworking there, a science lab, and a metal work class. Last but not least, it wasn't as big as I thought. Before me and my family like to take walks around Laurier and Churchill, I always thought both the buildings across the street were part of Churchill so I was always afraid of getting lost. But it turns out it is only one of the buildings closer to Laurier. Anyway I am super excited to go to Churchill and I hope I can have a great time there.

Kevin

5/16/2022 09:06:58 pm

Many people of our age are afraid to go to high school, the transition everyone will eventually face. Today, in order to prepare for high school, our class got a tour of our future high school, Churchill. The tour introduced us to many engaging activities that Churchill offer, and the massive size of the school of course. First, the vice principal encouraged us to participate in the clubs they have after school. They have over fifty clubs which means it's easy to find a group of people with the same hobby as you or similar interests. The reason for this is for you to spend more time socializing instead of spending your free time alone. Secondly, from movies or stories, high school feels like a place filled with bullies. To support this, many people think that they will often get shoved in a locker and bullied by people in higher grades. But in fact, that's only a myth and it's fake! From the slideshow, high school seems more like a place filled with nice people and helpful teachers. We learned that there's a counselling office for basically anything you're struggling with to help you succeed in high school. Between classes, students will have to walk to their next lesson on their own and are free to walk around. In conclusion, we learned many things from lessons to navigating around the school. I am still a bit worried about high school as our last year in elementary is coming to an end, but I know I don't have to be.

Kevin

5/16/2022 09:14:31 pm

Self assessment:

I can change some of my wordings and sentences

Kevin

5/16/2022 09:14:58 pm

Many people of our age are afraid to go to high school, the transition everyone will eventually face. Today, in order to prepare for high school, our class got a tour of our future high school, Churchill. The tour introduced us to many engaging activities that Churchill offer, and the sheer size of the school. First, the vice principal introduced us and encouraged us to participate in the clubs they have. They have over fifty clubs which means it's easy to find a group of people with the same hobby as you or with similar interests. The reason for this is for you to spend more time socializing instead of spending your free time alone and on social media platfroms. Secondly, from movies and stories, high school feels like a place filled with bullies and rude students. To support this, many people think that they will often get shoved in a locker and bullied by people in higher grades. But in fact, that's only a myth and it's fake! From the slideshow, they showed us, high school seems more like a place filled with nice people and helpful teachers. We learned that there's a counselling office for basically anything you're struggling with to help you succeed in high school. Between classes, students will have to walk to their next lesson on their own and are free to walk around. In conclusion, we learned many things from lessons to navigating around the school. I am still a bit worried about high school as our last year in elementary is coming to an end, but I know I don't have to be.

Kevin

5/16/2022 09:15:41 pm

Revised

Crystal

5/16/2022 09:30:25 pm

Starting high school is a significant milestone in our lives. It can indicate the beginning of adolescence and can change our lives for the better. Although there are millions of different thoughts going through my mind such as "Will I get lost," "Are the tests going to be difficult," or "Am I going to acheive lasting friendships," high school can also bring multiple new opportunities, and it has a lot to offer. So, after going on the Churchill tour today, I have come to the conclusion of two main points that will help me go into high school next year. To start, I have learned that the best way to create new friendships with people who have similar interests as you is to join extracurricular activities or clubs. I've heard great things about Churchill's sports teams and afterschool clubs. For example, they have a dance club, a library decorating club, a dragon boat club, to name a few. In addition, they have several sports teams that have achieved multiple awards. I've come to understand that by only attending normal classes and avoiding opportunities such as joining these clubs, high school can be extremely bland and boring. The second piece of advice that I will definitely put into use is to socialize with others. Don't let social media of digital devices to ruin the chances of forming friendships in high school, as these are the ones that will likely last a lifetime. Additionally, I now understand that using devices in school is a priviliege, and that my devices can be easily taken away at any moment if not used appropriately. That is why it is crucial to put away my devices when I'm around my classmates, friends, or peers. It's vital that the use of digital media does not affect my learning or education in a negative way. To conclude, two tips that I have received after this tour is to join as many clubs or extracurriculars as possible and to form genuine and long-lasting friendships in high school. After this, I am now more confident and excited about facing and entering this new chapter in my life.

Crystal

5/16/2022 09:36:02 pm

Self-assessment: I should check my spelling and phrase my sentences better.

Revised
Starting high school is a significant milestone in our lives. It can indicate the beginning of adolescence and can change our lives for the better. Although there are millions of different thoughts going through my mind such as "Will I get lost," "Are the tests going to be difficult," or "Am I going to achieve lasting friendships," there’s going to be multiple new opportunities, activities, and offers waiting. So, after going on the Churchill tour today, I have come to the conclusion of two main points that will help me transition into high school next year. To start, I have learned that the best way to create new friendships with people who share similar interests as you is to join extracurricular activities or clubs. I've heard great things about Churchill's sports teams and afterschool clubs. For example, they have a dance club, a library decorating club, a dragon boat club, to name a few. In addition, they have several sports teams that have achieved multiple awards. I've come to understand that by only attending normal classes and ignoring opportunities such as joining clubs, high school can be extremely bland and boring. The second piece of advice that I will definitely put into use is to socialize with others. Don't let social media or digital devices ruin the chances of forming friendships in high school, as these are the ones that will likely last a lifetime. Additionally, I now understand that using devices in school is a privilege, and that my devices can be easily taken away at any moment if not used appropriately. That is why it is crucial to put away my phone when I'm around my classmates, friends, or peers. Equally as important, it's vital that the use of digital media does not affect my learning or education in a negative way. To conclude, two tips that I have received after this tour is to join as many clubs or extracurriculars as possible and to form genuine and long-lasting friendships in high school. After this, I am now more confident and excited about facing and entering this new chapter in my life. The best is yet to come.

Jeremy

5/16/2022 09:38:19 pm

in just a few months we will be high schoolers! that's crazy! and today we had a tour of Churchill(the high school most of us are going to). I learned many things like, First of all, I learned that there are many different clubs you can join. For example, Sports clubs, writing clubs, etc. There are also many gyms in the school. Second, I learned that in high school older students are not mean to younger students that go to the school like in those high school movies. Lastly, I learned that at lunch time you can eat your lunch basicaly anywhere like on the stairs, on the track, or on the grass fields. in conclusion, I am really excited about going to high school and cant wait to be there.

Jeremy

5/16/2022 09:40:26 pm

Self-assessment: Check the givens and I spelt basically wrong in the second last sentence.

Jeremy-(Revised)

5/16/2022 09:40:51 pm

In just a few months we will be high schoolers! That's crazy! And today we had a tour of Churchill(the high school most of us are going to). I learned many things like, First of all, I learned that there are many different clubs you can join. For example, Sports clubs, writing clubs, etc. There are also many gyms in the school. Second, I learned that in high school older students are not mean to younger students that go to the school like in those high school movies. Lastly, I learned that at lunch time you can eat your lunch basically anywhere like on the stairs, on the track, or on the grass fields. In conclusion, I am really excited about going to high school and cant wait to be there.

Kevin

5/16/2022 09:55:55 pm

@Jeremy- nice job

FEEDBACK:

"I learned many things like..." ----- remove "like"
"Lastly, I learned that at lunch time" ------ "lunchtime" is 1 word.
"Lastly, I learned that at lunchtime you can eat your lunch basically anywhere...." -----remove "basically" to make you sound more formal
"basicaly anywhere like on the stairs, on the track, or on the grass fields.."----remove "on" in "or on the grass fields"

Make it more engaging

ASH

5/16/2022 10:15:04 pm

@Jeremey- Good job!

FEEDBACK: At your last sentence you put "cant" insted of "can't".
FEEDBACK: Fix some grammar mistkes For example "Lunchtime" is one word.
FEEDBACK: Whne you said " I learned many things like, First of all, I learned that there are many different clubs you can join." You do not captilize after a comma.
Otherwise, Good job I really like your paragarph!

Jeremy-(Revised 2)

5/17/2022 08:35:25 am

In just a few months we will be high schoolers! That's crazy! And today we had a tour of Churchill(the high school most of us are going to). I learned many things. First of all, I learned that there are many different clubs you can join. For example, Sports clubs, writing clubs, etc. There are also many gyms in the school. Second, I learned that in high school older students are not mean to younger students that go to the school like in those high school movies. Lastly, I learned that at lunchtime you can eat your lunch anywhere like on the stairs, on the track, or the grass fields. In conclusion, I am really excited about going to high school and cant wait to be there.

Winna

5/16/2022 09:57:39 pm

A lot of people may be scared or nervous because of going to high school. It might be because your friends aren’t going to the same school as you, or you aren’t confident or positive about it. You might be scared of getting lost and arriving late. That’s why today, we had a Churchill tour. We learnt about Churchill clubs and classes. We walked through the hallways of Churchill. First, I learnt that Churchill has many clubs that you can choose from. Then, you can find people who share the same interest or hobby with you. It’s a way to find new friends in a school with lots of people. Second, I learnt to speak up more, because socializing with others can help you in different ways. For example, they can help you if you ask where a classroom is. Also, you can make new friends, and people wouldn’t think you’re boring, because you don’t talk. In conclusion, high school is actually fun when you had an experience of it.

ASH

5/16/2022 10:03:18 pm

In 5 months we are going to be independent teenagers going to Churchill! Wow! When I think of it I feel like an 80 year old. Today Division 1&2 went to a Churchill tour where Churchill students give a tour and give us an idea how Churchill looks like in the inside and basically what we could do at Churchill and what we could not do at Churchill. I learned that you could eat wherever you want! For example, outside, cafeteria, hallways and etc. Secondly, I learned that there are 3 gyms! One is small sized, medium sized and large sized. Thirdly and lastly, I learend that Churchill's cafeteria food might be bad...most of the Churchill students haden't even tried it yet. In concluison, Churchill has a lot of fun activites and clubs would you want to go to Churchill?

ASH

5/16/2022 10:05:36 pm

SELF ASSESMENT: Fix grammar and spelling mistakes

Oriana

5/16/2022 10:07:07 pm

Scary. Stressful. Torturous. What do these words remind you of? Before, I would say high school. However, after our tour at Churchill, I'm now not so afraid and a bit excited. So, what did I learn? We started with a tour around the school, but near the end, the vice-principal showed us a presentation. She went through a few things that were myths and facts, and I think this kind of cleared my scary thoughts of high school. The thing that stood out to me was the huge amount of clubs. To illustrate, the vice-principal stated that there were over 50 clubs, and many sport teams to join. Our two tour guides informed us that there were so many sports to choose from, including golf, tennis, badminton, swimming, etc. I now know that the best way to find new friends and be social is through clubs. Yet, this isn't the only thing that I learned. Something else I took with me is that while it may be hard at first, and older kids may get frustrated, a lot of the older students will help you. I always felt as if the older students were quite intimidating and a bit rude. But, I think my perspective has changed. This tour was very eventful and I learned a lot. Honestly, I'm still scared, but this helped me a bit more and I'm somewhat excited to start a new chapter.

Oriana

5/16/2022 10:08:56 pm

Self-Assessment : I think I could add a filler sentence in between the second and third sentence to make it flow better because it's not really smooth.

Oriana (REVISED)

5/16/2022 10:09:27 pm

Scary. Stressful. Torturous. What do these words remind you of? Before, I would say high school. However, after our tour at Churchill, I'm now not so afraid and a bit excited. Today, we went on a tour at Churchill and it was quite informative. So, what did I learn? We started with a tour around the school, but near the end, the vice-principal showed us a presentation. She went through a few things that were myths and facts, and I think this kind of cleared my scary thoughts of high school. The thing that stood out to me was the huge amount of clubs. To illustrate, the vice-principal stated that there were over 50 clubs, and many sport teams to join. Our two tour guides informed us that there were so many sports to choose from, including golf, tennis, badminton, swimming, etc. I now know that the best way to find new friends and be social is through clubs. Yet, this isn't the only thing that I learned. Something else I took with me is that while it may be hard at first, and older kids may get frustrated, a lot of the older students will help you. I always felt as if the older students were quite intimidating and a bit rude. But, I think my perspective has changed. This tour was very eventful and I learned a lot. Honestly, I'm still scared, but this helped me a bit more and I'm somewhat excited to start a new chapter.

Oriana

5/16/2022 10:21:57 pm

Self assessment pt.2 : I think I should add an example for my second point to fully meet the criteria.

Scary. Stressful. Torturous. What do these words remind you of? Before, I would say high school. However, after our tour at Churchill, I'm now not so afraid and a bit excited. Today, we went on a tour at Churchill and it was quite informative. So, what did I learn? We started with a tour around the school, but near the end, the vice-principal showed us a presentation. She went through a few things that were myths and facts, and I think this kind of cleared my scary thoughts of high school. The thing that stood out to me was the huge amount of clubs. To illustrate, the vice-principal stated that there were over 50 clubs, and many sport teams to join. Our two tour guides informed us that there were so many sports to choose from, including golf, tennis, badminton, swimming, etc. I now know that the best way to find new friends and be social is through clubs. Yet, this isn't the only thing that I learned. Something else I took with me is that while it may be hard at first, and older kids may get frustrated, a lot of the older students will help you. I always felt as if the older students were quite intimidating and a bit rude. However, I know that they will be happy to point you in the right direction and help. And we will have many chances to work with the older kids through sports teams, etc. Now, after all of this, my perspective on high school has drastically changed. This tour was very eventful and I learned a lot. Honestly, I'm still scared, but this helped me a bit more and I'm somewhat excited to start a new chapter.

ASH 2.0 (Revised)

5/16/2022 10:07:53 pm

In 5 months, we are going to be independent teenagers going to Churchill! Wow! When I think of it, I feel like an 80-year-old. Today Division 1&2 went to a Churchill tour where Churchill students give a tour and give us an idea how Churchill looks like in the inside and basically what we could do at Churchill and what we could not do at Churchill. I learned that you could eat wherever you want! For example, outside, cafeteria, hallways etc. Secondly, I learned that there are 3 gyms! One is small sized, medium sized and large sized. Thirdly and lastly, I learned that Churchill's cafeteria food might be bad...most of the Churchill students had not even tried it yet. In conclusion, Churchill has a lot of fun activities and clubs. Would you want to go to Churchill?

Caroline

5/16/2022 10:37:17 pm

@Ashleigh- Great paragraph! I can tell you learned a lot and is excited!

Feedback: Maybe add more detail, and split the second sentence into two, because it is a run-on sentence.

Rachel

5/17/2022 08:10:11 am

@ash 2.0 - Nice paragraph!

Feedback - I agree with Caroline, try adding more detail, and try taking a look at your grammar. (When you read it, act like you're speaking normally, I don't know if that'll help :))

ASH 3.0 (REVISED)

5/17/2022 09:44:56 am

In 5 months, we are going to be independent teenagers going to Churchill! Wow! When I think of it, I feel like an 80-year-old. Today Division 1&2 went to a Churchill tour, Churchill students give us a tour and give us an idea how Churchill looks like in the inside and basically what we could do at Churchill and what we could not do at Churchill. I learned that you could eat wherever you want! For example, outside, cafeteria, hallways etc. Secondly, I learned that there are 3 gyms! One is small sized, medium sized and large sized. Thirdly and lastly, I learned that Churchill's cafeteria food might be bad...most of the Churchill students had not even tried it yet. In conclusion, Churchill has a lot of fun activities and clubs. Would you want to go to Churchill?

Caroline

5/16/2022 10:11:25 pm

Next year, almost all of Division 1 will be going to high school. Today we were taken on a tour of Sir Winston Churchill Secondary, where most of us will be going. They showed us all of the main parts of the school such as the main gym, cafeteria, auditorium, and the main classrooms. We also had presentation about what Churchill stands for, and some myths and facts about high school. From the tour and presentation, I learned that a good way to make friends is to join different programs, clubs, and teams. There are over 50 clubs at Churchill, so some of them are bound to fit your interests. Joining clubs helps you meet new people that have the same interests as you, so you will more likely be friends. Also, I was reminded that being allowed to have your device at school is a privilege, and it can be taken away. If you are using your phone inappropriately, than teachers have to right to take it away. Being on your phone all day doesn’t help with making new friends, so it’s better to put it away from time to time and get to know people. Even though I am a bit scared to go to high school, I feel more prepared going on this tour and learning all of this stuff.

Caroline

5/16/2022 10:17:41 pm

Self-assessment: I should add more detail.

Caroline

5/16/2022 10:33:07 pm

High school seemed overwhelming at first, but after today I feel a little more prepared. Next year, almost all of Division 1 will be going to high school. Today we were taken on a tour of Sir Winston Churchill Secondary, where most of us will be going. They showed us all of the main parts of the school such as the main gym, cafeteria, auditorium, and the main classrooms. We also had presentation about what Churchill stands for, and some myths and facts about high school. From the tour and presentation, I learned that a good way to make friends is to join different programs, clubs, and teams. There are over 50 clubs at Churchill, so some of them are bound to fit your interests. Joining clubs helps you meet new people that have the same interests as you, so you have more to talk about and will more likely be friends. Also, I was reminded that being allowed to have your device at school is a privilege, and it can be taken away. If you are using your phone inappropriately and not being responsible, then teachers have to right to take it away. Being on your phone all day doesn’t help with making new friends, so it’s better to put it away from time to time and get to know people. Even though I am a bit scared to go to high school, I feel more prepared going on this tour and learning all of this stuff.

Oriana

5/16/2022 10:18:36 pm

@Caroline - Good paragraph! I like the use of colourful sentences!
FEEDBACK : "Next year, almost all of Division 1 will be going to high school". Since our class is all Grade 7s, I'm assuming that all of us are going to high school. Maybe change it to "...all of Division 1..."
FEEDBACK 2 : As a recommendation, I would say you could add a sentence in between the last and second last sentence because the cut seems a but blocky instead of flowing smoothly.
Overall, great job!

ysh

5/16/2022 11:21:57 pm

Today we went for a tour of Churchill high school! as the grade sevens of Laurier are transferring to high school, we learnt much about the school and the many great things it has for us in store! firstly, I learnt that Churchill has long halls with so many classes, its like a labyrinth you can be easily lost in. it slightly made me anxious about the future and how I can be so clueless and eventually get lost in a sea of people. What i am very exited for Churchill is the outdoors! I loved the grass field with a tree used for shade, it seemed like a peaceful spot to eat my food during lunch. The tour also consisted of showing us the gigantic auditorium where the students of Churchill performed a dance for us! Another part I really loved about Churchill was the library, full of books and peace. I think the library was a great place and was quite large, as well. It had so many books I liked and want to read, including manga! this really made me thrilled to be in Churchill and cant wait to be in it. Secondly, I really liked the vast amount of clubs there are, varying many interests. For example, one there were clubs like the library decorating club, the anime club, which I am quite invested in, and a biking club for those that enjoy biking to Churchill. finally, I was excited for how many people were going to Churchill! Many schools came to to the tour which astonished me with amount of students Churchill will have! High school will be interesting and a big experience to us all, and I look forward to it!

Shawn

5/17/2022 09:43:05 am

Nice par.

Feedback: capitalize your second sentence.

Ysh

5/17/2022 09:54:34 am

I’m a goner :|

Self assessment:
Capitalization errors and grammar mistakes I guess.

Gen

5/16/2022 11:23:09 pm

Since Grade 6 and my friends left me in elementary i’ve been wanting to go in high school because i feel so jealous. But now the time has come, im in the stage where is the difficult moment is. Today we went to SWC (Churchill) with division 1 and division 2 we had a tour around. Even though I already knew where we were going. They separated us because there’s a lot of students so they have to separate us. Every students has 2 grade 10 tour guides! First we went to Computer room the main computer room (There is several computer rooms). And second we went to Science lab which is in 2nd floor and 3rd floor. After that we went down to the music room near the first entrance. Let’s just say near the auditorium! And we went a lot of rooms and i know that there is 3 gym’s in churchill which is the main gym, small gym, last but not the least the new gym. We also went to library, to the main office. We went to Ms. Springer's room and then we went to the councilors room and we went to dance room and the main gym! After the tour they gave us granola bars and a juice we went a lot of rooms but i forgot some of them. If you’re wondering how i knew all of this it’s because i went here couple times before to visit my friends after school because they have dance club and also i went here during parent’s conference yup that’s all! Before we went home we went to auditorium for a welcome for students. And get to know churchill. A dance group performed a dance. They were so good!! Maybe when i go to highschool i might join dance club. And they also said there’s a lot of club’s that we can join! And walking around was fun! I actually learned some things in churchill. First of all you have to be respectful for everyone. And if you’re having trouble for anything you can go to the councilor for a help im pretty sure their trustable adults, it’s also for the new students from other countries that are having trouble to something. And some new students. That’s all i learned from the slide shows.
I have met and checked the success criteria!

Gen

5/16/2022 11:24:05 pm

SELF ASSESSMENT- I SHOULD MY GRAMMAR ERRORS AND CHECK MY PUNCTUATIONS!

Gen REVISED

5/16/2022 11:36:10 pm

Since Grade 6 and my friends left me in elementary, I've been wanting to go to high school because I feel so jealous. But now the time has come, I'm in the stage where the difficult moment is. Today we went to SWC (Churchill) with division 1 and division 2. We had a tour around. Even though I already knew where we were going. They separated us because there’s a lot of students so they had to separate us. Every student has 2 grade 10 tour guides! First we went to the Computer room, the main computer room (There are several computer rooms). And second we went to the Science lab which is on the 2nd floor and 3rd floor. After that we went down to the music room near the first entrance. Let’s just say near the auditorium! And we went to a lot of rooms and I know that there are 3 gym’s in Churchill which are the main gym, small gym, last but not the least the new gym. We also went to the library, to the main office. We went to Ms. Springer's room and then we went to the councilors room and we went to the dance room and the main gym! After the tour they gave us granola bars and juice . We went to a lot of rooms but I forgot some of them. If you’re wondering how i knew all of this it’s because i went here a couple times before to visit my friends after school because they have a dance club and also i went here during parent’s conference yup that’s all! Before we went home we went to the auditorium to welcome the students. And get to know churchill. A dance group performed a dance. They were so good!! Maybe when I go to highschool i might join a dance club. And they also said there’s a lot of club’s that we can join! And walking around was fun! I actually learned some things in churchill. First of all you have to be respectful to everyone. And if you’re having trouble for anything you can go to the councilor for help. I'm pretty sure they are trustworthy adults. It's also for the new students from other countries that are having trouble with something. And some new students. That’s all I learned from the slide shows.
I have met and checked the success criteria!

ysh

5/16/2022 11:24:03 pm

self assessment:
I don't know, some capitalization errors on the second line and probably grammar mistakes.

Rachel

5/17/2022 08:03:32 am

Note: I didn't go to Churchill's tour, so I just decided to write 3 reasons why I would like to go to Churchill.

Highschool is something I would like to find, fun. I do think that will not be true though, especially when I won't be going to Churchill. Although I didn't go to Churchill's tour, I have been in there before, (for lessons taught by actual Churchill students.) Of course, since I've never had an actual tour for Churchill, I'll give you 3 reasons why I want to go to Churchill more than any other school. Firstly, Churchill has a wide variety of programs. So what? Well, I just have this feeling I'll like attending different clubs that have a subject I enjoy. Secondly, it's sports teams. According to niche.com, Churchill's sports program is apparently top in the nation, and its teams have won many regional titles in the past few years. Third, my friends will be there. Sure, making new friends won't be that bad, but I prefer sticking to a school where not many changes are made with the people I'm second closest to, (maybe first.) Despite the fact that I can't go to Churchill, I'm still excited to be starting somewhere new, literally, and who knows, maybe I could try to apply for Churchill the next year!

Rachel

5/17/2022 08:06:14 am

Self-assessment - I could rephrase a few words because I don't like the way they seem.

Note: I didn't go to Churchill's tour, so I just decided to write 3 reasons why I would like to go to Churchill.

Highschool is something I would like to find, fun. I do think that won't be true though, especially when I won't be going to Churchill. Although I didn't go to Churchill's tour, I have been in there before, (for lessons taught by actual Churchill students.) Of course, since I've never had an actual tour for Churchill, I'll give you 3 reasons why I want to go to Churchill more than any other school. Firstly, Churchill has a wide variety of programs. So what? Well, I just have this feeling I'll like attending different clubs that have a subject I enjoy. Secondly, it's sports teams. According to niche.com, Churchill's sports program is apparently top in the nation, and its teams have won many regional titles in the past few years. Third, my friends will be there. Sure, making new friends won't be that bad, but I prefer sticking to a school where not many changes are made with the people I'm second closest to, (maybe first.) Despite the fact that I can't go to Churchill, I'm still excited to be starting somewhere new, literally, and who knows, maybe I could try to apply for Churchill the next year!

Rachel

5/17/2022 09:56:06 am

Another note: sorry, I didn’t follow the learning intention, but I did what I wrote because I had to catch up with my pars somehow.

Trevor

5/17/2022 09:32:47 am

Today we went to Churchill for a tour, we had learned where different places are located in Churchill, how the classes work, etc. I never knew that Churchill was the largest high school and with the most people in the Vancouver district, I was minded blowed when I heard that. There are things that I am afraid of, some included getting lost in such a big school, being bullied by older kids, etc. Although, some of these things might happen, but I am sure that I will be different in what I have thought. In conclusion, I am really excited to go to Churchill and explore a new chapter of my life. On the other hand, I would miss elementary school on how relaxed I have been during the duration of it, but it is time to move on.

Trevor

5/17/2022 09:34:16 am

Self-assessment: Add a better hook

Trevor (Revised)

5/17/2022 09:35:24 am

Have you ever wonder what it is like to be in high school? Today we went to Churchill for a tour, we had learned where different places are located in Churchill, how the classes work, etc. I never knew that Churchill was the largest high school and with the most people in the Vancouver district, I was minded blowed when I heard that. There are things that I am afraid of, some included getting lost in such a big school, being bullied by older kids, etc. Although, some of these things might happen, but I am sure that I will be different in what I have thought. In conclusion, I am really excited to go to Churchill and explore a new chapter of my life. On the other hand, I would miss elementary school on how relaxed I have been during the duration of it, but it is time to move on.

Shawn

5/17/2022 09:56:18 am

Nice par, I like that you used transition words.
Check your givens in the end of your 2nd sentence and your hook. Put “Have you ever wondered what it’s like to be in high school?” And instead of “I was minded blowed” put “My mind was blown” or “This blew my mind”

Melissa

5/17/2022 09:36:20 am

What’s something that you think of when you hear lockers, clubs, and fun? A high school? Correct. Just yesterday, we went on a tour around the high school. We had a tour Guide that showed us the different rooms that were used like chemistry, and etc. I would say that the high school was MASSIVE, easily to get lost around it. It for sure reached my expectations. So, after walking around for an hour, we settled down and had a quick meal and went on again. We did visit an Autotorium which I’ve been to before a couple of years ago, and there were a group of students dancing n we watched a slide show. Overall, the tour was great, and I learned a little bit about Churchill.

Melissa

5/17/2022 09:45:27 am

Feedback:

Try using transitional words

Melissa

5/17/2022 09:47:47 am

What’s something that you think of when you hear lockers, clubs, and fun? A high school? Correct. Just yesterday, firstly, we went on a tour around the high school. We had a tour Guide that showed us the different rooms that were used like chemistry, and etc. I would say that the high school was MASSIVE, easily to get lost around it. It for sure reached my expectations. Secondly, after walking around for an hour, we settled down and had a quick meal then went on again. Thirdly We visited an Autotorium which I’ve been to before a couple of years ago, and there were a group of students dancing n we watched a slide show. Overall, finally, the tour was great, and I learned a little bit about Churchill.

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