INTRODUCTORY PARAGRAPHS

1/24/2022

5 Paragraph Essay

Today, students refined their brainstorming for their 5 paragraph essay topics and worked on their introductory paragraphs. Students reviewed 7 different types of hooks to use, adding background information on their topics, and stating their thesis statements. Tomorrow, we will move on and work on brainstorming subtopics for their body paragraphs. Students will learn how to add supporting examples/points to their body paragraphs tomorrow. We continued working on the 'GUESS AND TEST' method for problem solving with word problems. Students will have their mid chapter quiz on Wednesday.

IMPORTANT:

LEARNING/PLANNER:

VIDEO LINKS:
1.) LA/READING:

30 mins and log your reading reflection.

2.) MATH:

Complete section 3.5 of textbook, mark, and correct at home.
Click here for a list of formulas you may find useful.

3.) LA/WRITING:

Introductory paragraph is due tomorrow. (on paper outline)
Watch this video.

4.) POST A RESPONSE:

After you finish your introductory paragraph for your 5 paragraph essay on your outline paper (by hand), type it out here.
Watch this video.
LEARNING INTENTION: I can post my introductory paragraph and complete a self/peer assessment.
SUCCESS CRITERIA:
1.) PARAGRAPH FORMAT: Include a hook, background information on your topic, and your thesis statement that clearly states what your 3 body paragraphs will be about.
2.) GIVENS: spelling, capitals, punctuation, sentence structure, and grammar.
3.) SELF-ASSESSMENT: Post one sentence as a reply to you paragraph indicating if you reached the above criteria or not. If not, what can you do to improve?
4.) PEER-ASSESSMENT: Give one student peer feedback as a reply to their original paragraph.
5.) REVISION: Edit/revise based on your self-assessment and/or peer feedback.

VIDEO LINKS:
How to write an introductory paragraph

Trevor

1/24/2022 03:19:28 pm

🥇 1st

Melissa

1/24/2022 03:22:28 pm

Two

Hayden

1/24/2022 04:12:37 pm

3rd

Oriana

1/24/2022 04:20:05 pm

Did you know that on average, women around the world spend more than twice as many hours as men doing unpaid work? For years, men have been the dominant gender, while women stayed the minority. The common stereotype being women staying home to cook and clean while men went out to work. However, over time, things have changed. But, they are still far from perfect. Gender inequality remains a serious and big issue. Thus, it is important understand what gender inequality is, how it affects your life, and how we can stop it.

Oriana

1/24/2022 04:21:38 pm

Self assessment - I believe I have reached the success criteria. I have a hook, background information, and a thesis.

Sam

1/24/2022 04:28:42 pm

@oriana
Great job.
You have a engaging hook and it really draws the reader in.
I think you met al the criteria. But I don’t know what thus means.

Rhea

1/24/2022 05:00:57 pm

@Oriana Great job! You have met all the criteria. Here are some suggestions:

- "men have been... while women *have* stayed the minority."
- "The common stereotype *is that* women" ("being" makes the sentence sound not as complete)
- "things have changed.." How?

Awesome work!

Oriana

1/24/2022 06:02:08 pm

Ok, thanks!

Did you know that on average, women around the world spend more than twice as many hours as men doing unpaid work? For years, men have been the dominant gender, while women have stayed the minority. The common stereotype is that women staying home to cook and clean while men went out to work. However, over time, things have changed, and it isn't as bad as it used to be. But, it is still far from perfect. Gender inequality remains a serious and big issue. Thus, it is important understand what gender inequality is, how it affects your life, and how we can stop it.

Sam

1/24/2022 04:23:09 pm

Intro
“I can’t believe I am here outside on the ground. No food, no shelter, all alone by myself.
Do you know who is saying this… If you guessed a homeless person you guessed right.
Did you know over 150 million people are homeless all around the world. Drug addiction is also a big part of homelessness.
For us to help homeless people we need to… example donate to global Food banks, and volunteer at a homeless shelter etc.

Sam

1/24/2022 04:25:35 pm

I think I met the criteria. I have a hook, background information, and a thesis. Next time I could make it more detailed.

Matthew

1/24/2022 09:31:58 pm

hi sam great paragraph feedback: make the thesis clearer thats in

Beth

1/24/2022 04:41:05 pm

Emma Watson, both an accomplished actress and a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador, once said, "I don't want other people to decide what I am. I want to decide that for myself." There are so many different genders in this world, but unfortunately, some are discriminated because of them. As a young tween, I find it frightening to think about what life could be like when I grow up, and I'm sure others feel the same. Though there are quite a few organizations out there trying to aid this cause, yet there are still so many in need. From causes, to consequences, to solutions, there are so many things we should know in order to achieve an equitable society.

Beth

1/24/2022 04:41:46 pm

SELF ASSESSMENT: I could change my wordings and check the Givens.

Beth (REVISED)

1/24/2022 04:47:52 pm

Emma Watson, both an accomplished actress and a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador, once said, "I don't want other people to decide what I am. I want to decide that for myself." There are so many different genders in this world, but unfortunately, some of us are discriminated because of them. As a young tween, I find it frightening to think about what life could be like as I grow older, and I'm sure a great deal of others feel the same. Thought there are quite a few organizations and activists out there trying to aid this cause, there are still so many in need. From causes, to consequences, to solutions, there are so many things we should know in order to achieve an equitable society.

Beth

1/24/2022 04:51:51 pm

*I have met the criteria

Caroline

1/24/2022 04:45:02 pm

"I can't breathe." These were some of George Floyd's last words. The Black Lives Matter movement has come to people's attention over the past few years. In 2020, when people heard that he had been killed because of police brutality, it caused an uproar. People took to the streets and started protesting against targeted attacks against black people. As a person of colour, I think systemic racism should have been abolished a long time ago. To learn more about this issue, it is helpful to know a bit more on what the movement is about, the history with systemic racism, and some victims of police brutality.

Crystal

1/24/2022 05:08:29 pm

@Caroline - Great introductory paragraph! I love your hook!
FEEDBACK:
1) "In 2020, when people heard that *he had been killed..." *maybe you should state who "he" is because it's not super clear.
2) I'd suggest elaborating on some of your BG info a little more. Not too much, but maybe explaining some of your points could be helpful for the reader.

Caroline

1/24/2022 09:24:43 pm

Okay, thank you!

Caroline (Revised)

1/24/2022 09:40:39 pm

"I can't breathe." These were some of George Floyd's last words. The Black Lives Matter movement has come to people's attention over the past few years. In 2020, when people heard that George Floyd had been killed because of police brutality, it caused an uproar. People were fed up with systemic racism, and this was their last straw. They took to the streets and started protesting against targeted attacks against black people. They did everything to get their voices heard such as making signs and spreading awareness in real life and online. As a person of colour, I think racism should have been abolished a long time ago. To learn more about this issue, it is helpful to know a bit more on what the movement is about, the history with systemic racism, and some victims of police brutality.

Caroline

1/24/2022 09:24:25 pm

I believe I met the criteria because I have a hook, background information, and a thesis statement.

Rhea

1/24/2022 04:47:05 pm

As I walk into my Horizon Home, the real world around me vanishes and is replaced by my dream environment. I am floating on my very own tropical island, and the feel is just as if I were on Earth. The singing of the birds and the singing of the breeze eases me into my Home. Yet, when I take my headset off, my head hurts, my eyes ache, and my heart is pounding. What am I talking about? Here’s a clue: “Connection is evolving and so are we”. This is a powerful quote that first appears on the Meta landing page. It emphasizes the innovations that are yet to be, and specifically, the Metaverse. As the world is developing through artificial intelligence and digital technologies, virtual and augmented reality has been a major excitement throughout the years. We have all seen the extraordinary uses of virtual worlds, from connecting to work to NFTs. With this future using of the internet, it has boomed rapidly and may lead to flourishing times. However, it may yet not be all ideal. To understand how the world is evolving, one must first understand what the Metaverse is, as well as the positive and negative impacts of this innovation.

Rhea

1/24/2022 04:49:39 pm

Self Assessment: I have checked over the criteria and have met all the requirements.

Rhea

1/24/2022 04:54:20 pm

Re-Self-Assessment: I can actually change some wordings.

REVISED:

As I walk into my Horizon Home, the real world around me vanishes and is replaced by my dream environment. I am floating on my very own tropical island, and the feel is just as if I were on Earth. The singing of the birds and the whistling of the cool breeze eases me into my Home. Yet, when I take my headset off, my head hurts, my eyes ache, and my heart is pounding. What am I talking about? Here’s a clue: “Connection is evolving and so are we”. This is a powerful quote that first appears on the Meta landing page. It emphasizes the innovations that are yet to be, and specifically, the Metaverse. As the world is developing through artificial intelligence and digital technologies, virtual and augmented reality has been a major excitement throughout the years. We have all seen the extraordinary uses of the virtual and augmented worlds, from connecting to work to buying and selling using NFTs. With the future progresses of using the Metaverse, this invention has boomed rapidly and may lead to flourishing times. However, it may yet not be all ideal. To understand how the world is evolving, one must first understand what the Metaverse is, as well as the positive and negative impacts of this innovation.

Rhea

1/24/2022 04:56:27 pm

I should make my thesis not as cliché.

As I walk into my Horizon Home, the real world around me vanishes and is replaced by my dream environment. I am floating on my very own tropical island, and the feel is just as if I were on Earth. The singing of the birds and the whistling of the cool breeze eases me into my Home. Yet, when I take my headset off, my head hurts, my eyes ache, and my heart is pounding. What am I talking about? Here’s a clue: “Connection is evolving and so are we”. This is a powerful quote that first appears on the Meta landing page. It emphasizes the innovations that are yet to be, and specifically, the Metaverse. As the world is developing through artificial intelligence and digital technologies, virtual and augmented reality has been a major excitement throughout the years. We have all seen the extraordinary uses of the virtual and augmented worlds, from connecting to work to buying and selling using NFTs. With the future progresses of using the Metaverse, this invention has boomed rapidly and may lead to flourishing times. However, it may yet not be all ideal. Before using this complex technology of the Facebook Metaverse, it is crucial for one to first understand what the Metaverse is, as well as the positive and negative impacts of this innovation.

Beth

1/24/2022 05:01:08 pm

@Rhea - You paragraph is astonishingly detailed!

FEEDBACK: You could make your paragraph more concise as it is only your introductory sentence.

Rhea (Revised

1/24/2022 05:10:35 pm

As I walk into my Horizon Home, the real world around me vanishes and is replaced by my dream environment. I am floating on my very own tropical island, and the feel is just as if I were on Earth. The singing of the birds and the whistling of the cool breeze eases me into my Home. Yet, when I take my headset off, my head hurts, my eyes ache, and my heart is pounding. What am I talking about? The Facebook Metaverse. As the world is developing through artificial intelligence, virtual and augmented reality has been a major excitement throughout the years. We have all seen the extraordinary uses of the virtual worlds. With the future progresses of using the Metaverse, this invention has boomed rapidly and may lead to flourishing times. However, it may yet not be all ideal. Before using this complex technology of the Facebook Metaverse, it is crucial for one to first understand what the Metaverse is, as well as the positive and negative impacts of this innovation.

Crystal

1/24/2022 05:01:20 pm

Did you know that more than half the world now uses social media? Roughly 400 million new users have come onto social media within the past 12 months, and the online community is continuing to grow every day. When you think of social media, you may think of Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, Facebook, and YouTube. These are some of the most common platforms, but there are thousands more. Social media has impacted the world in so many different ways, and it still continues to impact everyone today. In addition, social media has evolved a lot throughout the years, and has become something we can rely on for good use. However, there are also many negative effects on humans. That is why we should know the negative, addictive, and positive effects that social media brings to us.

Crystal

1/24/2022 05:03:15 pm

I have checked the above success criteria and met all the requirements.

Crystal

1/24/2022 05:11:48 pm

Did you know that more than half the world now uses social media? Roughly 400 million new users have come onto social media within the past 12 months, and the online community is continuing to grow every day. When you think of social media, you may think of Instagram, TikTok, Snapchat, Facebook, or YouTube. These are some of the most common platforms, but there are thousands more out there that you may not even know about. Social media has impacted the world in so many different ways, and it still continues to impact everyone's lives today. In addition, social media has evolved a lot throughout the years, and has become something we can rely on for good use. However, there are also many negative effects that it puts on humans. Even though social media may seem very fun, it's also really dangerous, and that is why we should know the negative, addictive, and positive effects that social media brings to us in order to stay safe on the Internet.

ASH

1/24/2022 08:22:44 pm

@Cystal- Great job! I really liked reading it!

FEEDBACK: You conclusion isn't really engaging but overall you did a magnificent job! 👍👌

ASH

1/25/2022 06:35:46 pm

*Your

ASH

2/1/2022 10:22:54 am

*Crystal

Shawn

1/24/2022 05:13:48 pm

SIckness, death, destruction are all examples of what took place since December of 2019. COVID-19 has been destroying people's lives for the last 2 years, ever since in 2019, It has mutated ever since. COVID has symptoms, cures, and is similar to a previous pandemics.

Shawn

1/24/2022 05:15:28 pm

I have checked the criteria.

Jayden

1/24/2022 06:49:01 pm

@Shawn
You didn't even add enough facts about Covid

Kai

1/24/2022 05:19:43 pm

Good job on explaining whats happened when covid started.

FEEDBACK: add more information. Three sentences don't really seem like a full paragraph.

Shawn

1/24/2022 05:20:36 pm

A paragraph consists of 3-5 sentences lol

Shawn (but revised)

1/24/2022 05:22:14 pm

SIckness, death, destruction are all examples of what took place since December of 2019. COVID-19 has been destroying people's lives for the last 2 years. Ever since its start in 2019, It has mutated ever since. COVID has symptoms, cures, and is similar to a previous pandemics.

Winna

1/24/2022 07:23:23 pm

@Shawn-
FEEDBACK1: You have some grammar mistakes, like (SIckeness)
FEEDBACK2: You can also talk about what the three other paragraphs are about
FEEDBACK3: You can add your thesis statement

ASH

1/24/2022 08:03:35 pm

@Winna- That is not a grammar mistake it is a spelling mistake =)

Kai

1/24/2022 05:17:43 pm

The flu, a cold, or a fever none feels good when you catch it but there is something worse and it's called covid-19. It started in 2019 and is still happening. Some people believe that covid was a hoax by the government others believe in it and some people just don’t know what to think about it. We must wear masks, sanitize, wash our hands, and stay 6 feet away from each other.

Kai

1/24/2022 05:20:18 pm

I have met the criteria.

Shawn

1/24/2022 05:21:19 pm

add a clearer thesis

Brendan

1/24/2022 07:37:45 pm

@Kai- nice introduction paragraph.

FEEDBACK: Make your hook a bit more engaging. Also capitalize Covid-19 because it is a proper noun.

Bebe

1/24/2022 08:42:27 pm

Nice. Doesn't have thesis though.

Melissa

1/24/2022 05:21:40 pm

Have you ever passed someone who seemed sad as you walked by? If they suddenly lost interest in various things, were constantly depressed about themselves, or even stopped doing their usual daily activities? A Depression symptom could be to blame. Many people across the world suffers from this symptom, wether if they’re an adult or even a teenager. Depression is a major health issue that affects people all over the world, and you may not even be aware that you have it.

(I also changed my topic for the essay writing, since i find this more interesting to speak about).

Oriana

1/24/2022 06:07:07 pm

@Melissa - Great intro paragraph.
FEEDBACK: Check the givens. "A Depression symptom could be to blame" rather than saying this, you could say "Depression could be to blame." Also, "many people across the world...wether" it should be "whether'
FEEDBACK 2: Add a thesis. You didn't really make a clear thesis statement, so make sure to add that.
Overall, good job!

Melissa

1/25/2022 07:25:29 pm

Have you ever passed someone who seemed sad as you walked by? If they suddenly lost interest in various things, were constantly depressed about themselves, or even stopped doing their usual daily activities? Depression could be to blame. Many people across the world suffers from this symptom, whether if they’re an adult, or even a teenager. Depression is a major health issue that affects people all over the world, which you may not be aware that you even have it.

Mais

1/24/2022 06:47:28 pm

What is something that could potentially ruin your life? Cancer. There are various types of cancers that result in different and painful problems. Different cancers can affect different areas in your body which would make you take a lot of medication. Sometimes, cancer can conclude to a loss of a part of your body. There are many forms of this deadly disease which are commonly known as Leukaemia, Breast Cancer, and Lung Cancer.

Mais

1/24/2022 07:37:31 pm

Self assessment:
I think I reached the criteria?

Vernice

1/24/2022 08:11:55 pm

@Mais- Good details
Feedback: Check your capitals.

Jayden

1/24/2022 07:13:57 pm

Did you know that Space is an endless void with endless exploration of planets, galaxies, blackholes, stars, and even mysterious objects that aren’t even part of a category? Nasa has been discovering more than 5000 EXO planets in our galaxy which may have alien life and it could be better than Earth for living.

There are also more than a trillion galaxies found in the universe and some interesting galaxies found known in the universe is the Milky way (our galaxy), the Whirlpool galaxy (spiral shaped), Andromeda galaxy (largest, in the local group) Triangulum galaxy (3rd largest in the local group), and also the IC 1101 (the largest known in the universe.) Galaxies are all basically a cluster of stars and each galaxy has more than 100 billion stars.

We’ve also been exploring more planets as NASA uses it’s most advanced telescopes. Out nearest planets and Mercury (smallest), Venus (hottest in the solar system), Earth (you are literally standing here now), Mars, Jupiter (largest planet in the solar system), Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto (disqualified a few years ago). We also have discovered planets outside of our solar system that may contain life, and some may be unusual. We have Kepler-22b basically a rocky planet that looks like Earth and the orbit distance with it’s star is good enough to support life. Another planet discovered outside of the solar system is HD 189733 B and in fact it is a strange planet because it looks just like Jupiter, but it rains glass and temperatures could get extremely sweaty.

In our universe many blackholes were also discovered too and notable blackholes are TON-618 (largest black hole discovered), and Sagittarius A (the black hole in the center of our galaxy). Black holes suck planets, star, and any object that dares to come near it. If you jump into a black hole, then you would be torn into pieces due to the extreme gravity. Even if you were immortal and survived being torn into pieces you would be trapped there forever.

In conclusion space is a really interesting thing to learn and if you finish reading this, I hope you could search these names of these objects that I listed on my writing and don’t forget to comment if I made any grammar mistakes on my essay.

Shawn

1/24/2022 07:17:21 pm

𝔽𝔼𝔼𝔻𝔹𝔸ℂ𝕂:

Check the criteria, you're only supposed to write the topic paragraph.
also add a thesis.

Jayden 2.0 version updated

1/24/2022 07:17:47 pm

Did you know that Space is an endless void with endless exploration of planets, galaxies, blackholes, stars, and even mysterious objects that aren’t even part of a category? Nasa has been discovering more than 5000 EXO planets in our galaxy which may have alien life and it could be better than Earth for living.

There are also more than a trillion galaxies found in the universe and some interesting galaxies found known in the universe is the Milky way (our galaxy), the Whirlpool galaxy (spiral shaped), Andromeda galaxy (largest, in the local group) Triangulum galaxy (3rd largest in the local group), and also the IC 1101 (the largest known in the universe.) Galaxies are all basically a cluster of stars and each galaxy has more than 100 billion stars.

We’ve also been exploring more planets as NASA uses it’s most advanced telescopes. Out nearest planets and Mercury (smallest), Venus (hottest in the solar system), Earth (you are literally standing here now), Mars, Jupiter (largest planet in the solar system), Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto (disqualified a few years ago). We also have discovered planets outside of our solar system that may contain life, and some may be unusual. We have Kepler-22b basically a rocky planet that looks like Earth and the orbit distance with it’s star is good enough to support life. Another planet discovered outside of the solar system is HD 189733 B and in fact it is a strange planet because it looks just like Jupiter, but it rains glass and temperatures could get extremely sweaty.

In our universe many blackholes were also discovered too and notable blackholes are TON-618 (largest black hole discovered), and Sagittarius A (the black hole in the center of our galaxy). Black holes suck planets, star, and any object that dares to come near it. If you jump into a black hole, then you would be torn into pieces due to the extreme gravity. Even if you were immortal and survived being torn into pieces you would be trapped there forever.

The reason why learning about space is important it's because you would have a higher chance of graduating as you know more about science and you would be amazed on all these interesting facts that i listed and maybe in the future these Earth-similar planets may become a excitement when they can actually be colonized.

In conclusion space is a really interesting thing to learn and if you finish reading this, I hope you could search these names of these objects that I listed on my writing and don’t forget to comment if I made any grammar mistakes on my essay.

Jayden

1/24/2022 07:19:01 pm

That would be the longest known PAR in the history of Mr.Hong's class

iker

1/24/2022 09:18:48 pm

no that record belong to rhea

Trevor

1/25/2022 10:18:43 pm

Nice Paragraph @Jayden

Trevor

1/25/2022 10:25:15 pm

Sorry, I mean essay

Brendan

1/24/2022 07:29:52 pm

During 2021, a shocking 784 million people around the world didn't have access to a reliable source of drinking water. This is equal to approximately 1 in 10 people who don't even have one of their basic needs! The global water crisis has negatively impacted many people for decades and still continues to today. In developing countries (such as Ethiopia), the unavailability of clean, drinkable water is a major issue they face everyday. As it is such an important and impactful issue, many people have definitely thought about what causes it, the consequences it brings, and possible solutions to this problem.

Brendan

1/24/2022 07:31:49 pm

I reached the criteria above.

Brendan

1/24/2022 08:04:23 pm

Self-Assessment: Make paragraph longer by adding more background knowledge.

During 2021, a shocking 784 million people around the world didn't have access to a reliable source of drinking water. This is equal to approximately 1 in 10 people who lack one of their basic needs! The global water crisis has negatively impacted many people for decades and still continues to today. In developing countries (such as Ethiopia), the unavailability of clean, drinkable water is a major obstacle they face everyday. The consequences these countries must face are brutal to the citizens. Fortunately, this issue has become less severe in the recent years due to several contributions from many organizations, but further actions still need to be taken to ensure it will be fully resolved. As it is such an important and impactful issue, many people have probably thought about what causes it, the consequences it brings, and possible solutions to this problem.

REVISED

Winna

1/24/2022 07:40:52 pm

Have you ever wondered where do all the garbage we used go? I know ways of getting rid of the. Right now, I will be talking about landfilling… Landfilling might an easy and fast task to do, just find a piece of land, dig a hole, and finally put garbage in. Easy, right? But, do you know what landfilling can cause? These are some quotes for LANDFILLING (Dig a trench through a landfill and you will see layers of phone books like geographical)
(Todays trend ends up in tomorrows landfill)
Now, let me show you the causes, harmful effects and solutions of landfilling.

Self-assessment: I met the criteria.

FEEDBACK: I can try not to to write causes, harmful effects and solutions, because it means it’s like telling the readers.

Winna

1/24/2022 07:55:21 pm

Have you ever wondered where do all the garbage we used go? I know ways of getting rid of the garbage, but right now, I will be talking about landfilling… Landfilling might an easy and fast task to do, just find a piece of land, dig a hole, and finally put garbage in. Easy, right? But, do you know what landfilling can cause? First, these are some quotes for LANDFILLING (Dig a trench through a landfill and you will see layers of phone books like geographical)
(Todays trend ends up in tomorrows landfill)
Now, let me show you some important information about landfilling.

Self-assessment: I met the criteria.
What I changed: My last sentence, the second and the third sentence. I also added (first) before the sentence of quotes.

Gen

1/25/2022 06:32:20 pm

@Winna
Check your grammars and punctuations
You have some grammar mistakes
Instead of putting (where do all) just put *where all*
You forgot to put *to* on the part you said (we used go) you can put *we used to go
Put *be* on the part you said (might an easy) put *might be an easy*
And your punctuations. (todays) *today’s* and (tomorrows) *tomorrow’s*
Overall good job!

Gen

1/25/2022 06:37:51 pm

@Winna
FEEDBACK*

ASH

1/24/2022 08:00:55 pm

Did you know 75% of humans are destroying our earth! We are now more able to predict future patterns of climate change. Climate change is a long-term change in the average weather patterns that have come to define Earth's local, regional and global climates. The causes of climate change is mostly human activities- such as driving cars, creating electricity, cutting down forests and etc. These human activities release gases into the atmosphere called greenhouse gases, which slowly warm the planet, creating climate change. You may be thinking what are the solutions to stop climate change? We can increase the chances by Changing our main energy sources to clean and renewable energy. Solar, Wind, Geothermal and biomass could be the solution. Our transport methods must be aligned with environmental requirements and reduce their carbon footprint. These are the

ASH

1/24/2022 08:02:11 pm

SELF ASSESMENT: I forgot t finish my conclusion and I have a few grammar mistakes.

ASH

1/24/2022 08:04:12 pm

*Forgot

ASH

1/24/2022 08:24:31 pm

*SELF-ASSESMENT

Vernice

1/24/2022 08:09:10 pm

In recent years, animal extinction has become such a major problem in the world that action needs to be taken immediately. Each day, more than 150 species of animals are lost. Although it doesn’t seem much, when it comes to a month or a year, the numbers are shockingly high. This will have an effect on the environment and even how humans live. The essential food supply chain will collapse because all the organisms on Earth are interdependent. So if one dies, it will have a domino effect. The need to understand animal extinction, what causes it, and how to prevent it is the key to help endangered species thrive once again.

Vernice

1/24/2022 08:10:00 pm

I have met the criteria.

Ella

1/24/2022 08:53:04 pm

@Vernice
Feedback- Check the GIVENS

Vernice

1/25/2022 07:50:13 am

(Revised)
In recent years, animal extinction has become such a major problem in the world that action needs to be taken immediately. Each day, more than 150 species of animals are lost. Although it doesn’t seem much when it comes to a month or a year, the numbers are shockingly high. This will affect the environment and even how humans live. The essential food supply chain will collapse because all the organisms on Earth are interdependent. So if one dies, it will have a domino effect. The need to understand animal extinction, what causes it, and how to prevent it is the key to helping endangered species thrive once again.

ASH

1/24/2022 08:10:23 pm

Caroline

1/24/2022 09:44:15 pm

@Ashleigh- Great intro paragraph!

Feedback: You still forgot to put some punctuations in some sentences

Angela

1/24/2022 08:12:18 pm

Do you know the virus that still spreading around?
Yes it is Covid a type of virus that spreads around to people it also made some things changed. Things changed when it first changed schools shut down and then we started online class. It even started an war buying toilet paper in stores and supermarkets. How was it like in an lock down? At first it was fun but until the online class came out.

Angela

1/24/2022 08:14:45 pm

Self-Assesment: I have grammar mistakes.

Angela

1/24/2022 08:26:28 pm

Revised

Do you know the virus that is still spreading around?
Yes, it is Covid, a type of virus that spreads around to people it also made some things change. Things changed when it first changed schools shut down, and then we started online class. It even started a war on buying toilet paper in stores and supermarkets. How was it like in a lockdown? At first it was fun, but until the online class came out.

Melissa

1/25/2022 07:21:37 pm

Great paragraph! In most of your sentences, it doesn't really make any sense, but I could still understand it, although it’s not as clear to me. Make to sure check grammar errors. Overall, great job!

Bebe

1/24/2022 08:39:57 pm

Covid - 19 has brought death to earth since December 2019. It has been 2 years and it still exists. The symptoms have gotten less serious but the speed of the spread has went up super fast. There has to be a way to stop this new Omicron disease.

Bebe

1/24/2022 08:40:47 pm

Met requirements. I don't think I have any spelling mistakes not sure.

Ella

1/24/2022 08:40:51 pm

About 5 billion people in the world have COVID. What will you think about when many people are dying because of Covid. First have you ever wondered what is COVID? Where did it come from? In addition, COVID has many different causes that is a big problems to everyone.
So in that case we need to find a solution to the problem. There are a few solutions that can help us stop COVID. Those are the reasons why stopping Covid is something very helpful to everyone.

Ella

1/24/2022 08:42:32 pm

Self assessment
I think I have met the requirements but I think I could change some sentences.

Ella

1/24/2022 08:45:57 pm

About 5 billion people in the world have COVID. What will you think about when many people are dying because of COVID. First have you ever wondered what is COVID? Where did it come from? Or even what COVID is? In addition, COVID has many different causes that is a big problems to everyone.
So in that case we need to find a solution to the problem. There are a many solutions that can help us stop COVID. But not all the solutions will work, because the might be some that are not effective against it. Those are the reasons why stopping COVID is something very helpful to everyone.

iker

1/24/2022 09:20:56 pm

good job

try to make the hook more interesting.

Jeremy

1/24/2022 09:06:49 pm

Did you know that 2% of the worlds population is homeless? I know that 2% doesn't sound like a lot, but when you do the math, that's about 150 million people. Homelessness has been a economic problem for decades now. With more and more people becoming homeless everyday. There are many causes and consequences to being homeless. For example, some cause to homelessness are unemployment, poverty, etc.

Jeremy

1/24/2022 09:08:01 pm

I think I have met the criteria and all the requirements.

Rachel

1/25/2022 04:52:57 am

@jeremy - Nice work! You have some cool facts about homelessness and I can easily tell what your introductory paragraph was about!

Feedback - Nothing wrong with it, but try to be more descriptive with your synthesis, and for the third sentence, put an 'n' behind the word 'a', because the word after it starts with a vowel. Other than that, great job!

Jeremy-(Revised)

1/25/2022 06:22:34 pm

Did you know that it is estimated 2% of the worlds population is homeless? I know that 2% doesn't sound like a lot, but when you do the math, that's about 150 million people and with more and more people becoming homeless everyday. Homelessness has been an economic problem for decades now, affecting many lives around the world. There are many causes and consequences to being homeless. For example, some cause to homelessness are poverty, the lack of adequate income, and lot's more other causes.

iker

1/24/2022 09:25:55 pm

"Is anyone tired or wonder how long covid might be here for?"
Covid can be scary to many people especially when there is a new version of it that is more deadly.People should learn what is covid, how it works and how we can stop it.

Jeremy

1/25/2022 06:24:09 pm

@Iker good job!!

FEEDBACK: Add more detail and make it more longer.

Matthew

1/24/2022 09:28:32 pm

give me one minute im finishing the game.
does that sound familiar when you playing video games and you dont want to get off dont worry it happens a lot.
thesis:
1. video games (what is it, causes, solution)
2. sugar (what is it, causes, solution)
3. social media (what is it, causes, solution)

Matthew

1/24/2022 09:34:22 pm

I think i met the success criteria i have the hook background knoledge kind off and the thesis.

Matthew

1/24/2022 09:36:46 pm

REVISED:

give me one minute im finishing the game.
does that sound familiar when you playing video games and you dont want to get off don't worry it happens a lot Its hard to help it with the addiction.
thesis:
1. video games (what is it, causes, solution)
2. sugar (what is it, causes, solution)
3. social media (what is it, causes, solution)

Gen

1/25/2022 06:24:15 pm

Check your capitalization
Check your grammars instead of putting (im finishing) put *to finish*
Check your punctuation

you forgot to put apostrophe between (its) *it's*
and you also forgot to put apostrophe between (dont) *don't*
Nice intro!

Gen

1/25/2022 06:24:40 pm

@Matthew*

Trevor

1/24/2022 09:28:54 pm

“Racism isn’t born, IT’S TAUGHT” a quote to fight against racism. Racism has caused dreadful things to happen, such as protesters like Black Lives Matter. Former president Donald Trump called Mexican Immigrants criminals and rapist. Furthermore, policeman in US choked an African American George Floyd, causing him to die and created the Black Lives Matter movement. As you can see, racism has been a huge global issue, and it must be stopped.

I have included a intro sentence and main details and a thesis statement.

Gen

1/25/2022 06:36:19 pm

@Trevor
Check your grammars
(rapist) rapists
(Policeman in US choked) *policeman in the US choked*
You forgot to put *n* between (a intro) put *an intro*
Good job!

Trevor

1/25/2022 10:23:11 pm

The correct grammar is “in the US 🇺🇸 “check it online it says it there

Trevor (Self-assessment)

1/25/2022 10:24:07 pm

I can correct some of my grammar

Gen

1/24/2022 10:51:43 pm

“I haven’t eaten today, I'm really starving.” Can you guess what I am trying to describe? If you guessed “hunger” you got it right. Many people around the world are affected by hunger. Yemen, Madagascar, and a few more warm countries are among them. Poverty, climate change, and conflict are the three main causes of world hunger. Millions of poor families cannot afford to buy their own land to grow their own food or to eat nutritious meals because they are stuck in a cycle of poverty. As a result, it can cause malnourishment and an unhealthy body. Therefore, poor families would decide to sell their livestock or tools to add in their incomes. However, this will not change their longer-term pattern of hunger and poverty and it is often passed down from parents to children. Climate Change rainfalls can destroy harvests due to changes in climate. It can cause landslides, earthquakes, and typhoons. Towns are flooding. The causes of floods are in dying animals and plants being destroyed. As a result, you got nothing left. Conflict vicious cycle conflict abandon fields are those fields are dry and mixed a lot of chemicals. A result of crop failure has left 7.2 million people in a food crisis.

Gen

1/25/2022 06:17:15 pm

Self assessment- Grammar Mistake.

“I haven’t eaten today, I'm really starving.” Can you guess what I am trying to describe? If you guessed “hunger” you got it right. Many people around the world are affected by hunger. Yemen, Madagascar, and a few more warm countries are among them. Poverty, climate change, and conflict are the three main causes of world hunger. Millions of poor families cannot afford to buy their own land to grow their own food or to eat nutritious meals because they are stuck in a cycle of poverty. As a result, it can cause malnourishment and an unhealthy body. Therefore, poor families would decide to sell their livestock or tools to add in their incomes. However, this will not change their longer-term pattern of hunger and poverty and it is often passed down from parents to children. Climate Change rainfalls can destroy harvests due to changes in climate. It can cause landslides, earthquakes, and typhoons. Towns are flooding. The causes of floods are in dying animals and plants being destroyed. As a result, you got nothing left. Conflict vicious cycle conflict abandon fields are those fields are dry and mixed with a lot of chemicals. A result of crop failure has left 7.2 million people in a food crisis.

Gen

1/25/2022 06:17:56 pm

(REVISED)

Maya

1/26/2022 08:04:52 am

@Gen

FEEDBACK :
I’m not sure if you mean to type it out like that but when you wrote “and a few more warm countries are among them.” I think you forgot to add something into the sentence. For example, “and a few more warm countries that are among them.” I don’t know I think it makes more sense 🤷🏽‍♀️. Anyways, good job Genesis

Gen

2/1/2022 11:21:28 am

New topic: Procrastination
I chose to spend a lot of time on social media rather than prioritizing my schoolwork. time flies and procrastination is a bad habit that is hard to manage and control. Wasting time is a lot easier than being productive. There are a lot of ways to manage our time effectively if we practice good habits. Setting a time limit, making a to-do list and using helpful apps are some of the things that can do in order to help use your time effectively.

Dillon

1/24/2022 10:55:25 pm

Can you imagine a life that you could die in any second? People could just come out of nowhere with guns and shoot at you. Death might happen to anyone during war periods. War is a violent conflict between states, nations, or countries. The fighting is mainly between armies which are groups of soldiers. War needs a lot of money, countries need to buy or make tons of guns, armor, tanks, jets, etc. Some important things we need to know about wars are the causes of wars, some history and solutions to bring peace.

Rhea

1/24/2022 11:12:47 pm

PAR POLICE (I'm not sure if I am still the PAR Police but i will do it anyway)

Me: Complete
Shawn: Complete
Jayden: Complete
Bebe: Missing revised version
Sam: Missing revised version

Rachel

1/25/2022 04:39:15 am

Nothing seems to help you during your downs, but you suddenly find "hope", though you continue to live your life with that "hope", unware of the consequences it could lead you to. Drugs. Ah yes, the interesting substance that was once known as a medicine that relieved people's pain and suffering, has been better known as an addictive work of harm today. As a matter of course, there are drugs that are actually helpful, but due to the vast variety of drugs, some of them may not have the best use for a person's mental health issue. Something as dangerous as drug use should rarely to never be used, but statements similar to that spark your curiosities, leading you to wonders about drugs itself, it's effect, and the solution for drug overdose.

I think I have met the success criteria.

Rachel

1/25/2022 04:41:33 am

Self-assessment - I could change up some phrasings in parts of the paragraph.

Nothing seems to help you during your downs, but you suddenly find "hope". Unaware of the consequences it could lead you to, you continue to live your life using that "hope", desperate for happiness yet believing things will get better, when in reality, it's affecting your life even more. Drugs. Ah yes, the interesting substance that was once known as a medicine that relieved people's pain and suffering, has been better known as an addictive work of harm today. As a matter of course, there are drugs that can actually be beneficial, but due to the vast variety of drugs, some of them will probably increase a person's risk of mental health issues. Something as dangerous as drug use should rarely to never be used, but statements similar to that spark your curiosities, leading you to wonders about drugs itself, it's effect, and the solution for drug overdose.

Kevin

1/25/2022 07:54:05 am

Global warming is becoming an increasingly serious issue that can effect our everyday lives. Greenhouse gas pollution is the main cause of why global warming is so devastating. It can cause natural disaster that includes floods, wild fires and even more destructive tornados. Other than that, there are long term issues that we need to deal with such as climate change. Greenhouse gas pollutions which causes global warming can lead to natural disaster and climate change.

Kevin

1/25/2022 08:01:51 am

I think i have met the success criteria

Oriana

1/25/2022 04:19:35 pm

PAR POLICE
Crystal: Complete
Me: Complete
Rhea: Complete
Brendan: Complete
Jeremy: Missing revised version and peer feedback

Jeremy

1/25/2022 09:48:31 pm

I did my revised version and gave peer feedback.

Hayden

1/25/2022 04:23:49 pm

Where is the par for today?

iker par police

1/25/2022 05:30:55 pm

me:done
dillon: haven't give feedback
caroline: done
beth: done

Gen

1/25/2022 06:39:41 pm

[PAR POLICE]
MY TABLE:
Winna: Completed
Matthew:Completed
Trevor: Missing peer feedback, revised version, And self assessment
Me: Completed

Gen

1/26/2022 06:55:12 pm

[PAR POLICE REVISE]
MY TABLE:
Winna: Complete
Trevor:Complete
Me:Complete
Matthew: Complete

ASH (REVISED) for the third time

1/25/2022 06:41:46 pm

@Caroline- Oh okay, I didn't notice that thanks for the feedback =)

Did you know 75% of humans are destroying our earth! We are now more able to predict future patterns of climate change. Climate change is a long-term change in the average weather patterns that have come to define Earth's local, regional, and global climates. The causes of climate change are most human activities- such as driving cars, creating electricity, cutting down forests, etc. These human activities release gases into the atmosphere called greenhouse gases, which slowly warm the planet, creating climate change. You may be thinking, "what are the solutions to stop climate change? We can increase the chances by Changing our main energy sources to clean and renewable energy. Solar, Wind, Geothermal, and biomass could be the solution. Our transport methods must be aligned with environmental requirements and reduce their carbon footprint. In conclusion, climate change is a lot of harm to our earth, we humans should do better.

ASH (PAR POLICE)

1/25/2022 06:47:47 pm

-=MY TABLE-=

ME: Complete
MAYA: Incomplete
RACHEL: Complete
Kevin: Incomplete

*Kevin and Maya please do you PAR =) *

ASH

1/25/2022 06:48:15 pm

*
*Kevin and Maya please do your PAR =) *

Melissa

1/25/2022 07:27:15 pm

Par police

Me: completed

Ella: finished but hasn’t given feedback

Hayden: not completed

Angela: hasn’t given feedback

Melissa

1/26/2022 08:47:01 pm

Never mind. Angela and Ella did give feedback.

Trevor (Revised)

1/25/2022 10:28:44 pm

“Racism isn’t born, IT’S TAUGHT” a quote to fight against racism. Racism has caused dreadful things to happen, such as protestes like Black Lives Matter. Former president Donald Trump called Mexican Immigrants criminals and rapists. Furthermore, a few ex policeman in US choked an African American, George Floyd in 2020, causing him to die and created the Black Lives Matter movement. As you can see, racism has been a huge global issue, and it must be stopped.

Maya

1/26/2022 07:56:52 am

“ I understood, trough rehab, things about creating characters. I understood that creating whole people means knowing where we come from, how we can make a mistake and overcome things to make ourselfs stronger. “ These were words Samuel L. Jackson once used when he was struggling through an addiction recovery. Did you know that according to the National Servey on Drug Use and Health says that 19.7 million american adults battled a substance use disorder in 2017? Many people these days get addicted to the use of drugs, alcohol, or even video games. So, you may wonder what does addiction even mean or what is it, what causes people to get addicted to certain things, or how can you find a solution to stopping your addiction.

Maya

1/26/2022 07:57:50 am

Feedback for myself : I spelt ourselves wrong 💀

“ I understood, trough rehab, things about creating characters. I understood that creating whole people means knowing where we come from, how we can make a mistake and overcome things to make ourselves stronger. “ These were words Samuel L. Jackson once used when he was struggling through an addiction recovery. Did you know that according to the National Servey on Drug Use and Health says that 19.7 million american adults battled a substance use disorder in 2017? Many people these days get addicted to the use of drugs, alcohol, or even video games. So, you may wonder what does addiction even mean or what is it, what causes people to get addicted to certain things, or how can you find a solution to stopping your addiction.

Gen

1/27/2022 10:38:14 pm

@Maya
Nice intro maya!
Check your grammar, spellings, and punctuation.
FEEDBACK 1:Like survey you spelt it “servey”
FEEDBACK 2:You put “trough” it supposed to be (through)
FEEDBACK 3: instead of saying “ certain things, or how can you find a solution. Say (certain things, or how you can find a solution.
check your punctuations!

Good Job!

ocean

2/9/2022 08:24:15 pm

the influence of smoking has effected a lot of adults, but how?

what are some reasons people decide to smoke, is smoking bad for their health and what are some solutions to help them quit?

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