PEER ASSESSMENTS

2/7/2022

Click above to watch peer feedback video.

Today, students who completed their assigned homework (to complete their improvements based on their self-assessments) worked on their peer feedback forms for their partner. The students who did not complete their homework need to get caught up. You must have your self-assessments for your essays and the improvements completed for tomorrow so you can move on.

IMPORTANT:
1.) SCIENCE LAB PERMISSION FORMS: Make sure your parents read this. But, they do not have to sign it. If they don't want you to participate, they can email me.

LEARNING/PLANNER:
1.) READING:

30 minutes and log your reflection.
Upload your January reading log on FreshGrade.

2.) WRITING:

Those students who did not complete their self-assessments and improvements over the weekend must complete their work for tomorrow.

3.) MATH:

Complete questions #1-8 on Pg. 127 (3.7).
Mark and Correct at home.
]Homework alerts will be sent home if you don't get it done.

4.) NOVEL APPROACH:

Book clubs discussions will be held tomorrow.
All Gift of Words and T & L questions should be completed (except ones you didn't understand - these can be answered with your groups).

5.) POST A RESPONSE:

LEARNING INTENTION: I can explain one thing I improved on my essay based on my self-assessment.
SUCCESS CRITERIA:
1.) PARAGRAPH FORMAT: intro/body/conclusion
2.) BODY: Include one major item you improved on and how you improved/changed it.
3.) GIVENS: Spelling, capitals, sentence structure, grammar, and punctuation.
4.) PEER FEEDBACK: Give one student feedback on how to improve their paragraph.
5.) REVISION: Complete a revised version based on your own self-assessment and/or peer-feedback.

VIDEO LINK:
Peer Critique: Creating a Culture of Revision

Kevin

2/7/2022 03:34:23 pm

First

Melissa

2/7/2022 03:35:00 pm

Jeremy

2/7/2022 03:47:11 pm

3rd

Kevin

2/7/2022 03:48:46 pm

4th

Beth

2/7/2022 03:51:27 pm

5th

Beth

2/7/2022 03:52:02 pm

@Mr. Hong - do we have to post our reflections on our reading logs on FreshGrade?

Sam

2/7/2022 04:36:13 pm

Essay paragraph writing.
I improves on writing my essay because at the start of the essay lesson we had a test on writing a essay and I knew nothing. Absolutely nothing so I practice and Mr. Hong told the class how to write an essay. I improved on it because I listened in class. I also improve on writing transitions words. I improved on it because Bebe gave me peer feedback and I wrote more transition words.

Rhea

2/7/2022 04:52:13 pm

@Sam - Nice work!

FEEDBACK:
- Check the GIVENS. You have careless verb mistakes and extra words. For example, "I improve(d) on writing my essay..." and writing "nothing" / "Abosolutely nothing" twice.
- Elaborate more on your three points. For example, what transition words did you change? What did Bebe give you feedback on? How did you improved from Bebe's feedback?

Jayden

2/7/2022 04:53:58 pm

@Sam
you need to write a longer paragraph it isn't even an engaging hook.

Kai

2/7/2022 05:23:50 pm

Your using to many "I also" in your paragraph. Use different transition words.

Rhea

2/7/2022 04:45:05 pm

Plan. Draft. Revise. These are the steps to write an engaging and clear writing piece. Throughout the past few weeks, Division One has been planning and writing their five-paragraph essay with structured criteria to guide us. Now, after completing our drafts, we are starting to get into the third step: Revising. Completing self-assessments and giving peer feedback as well, Division One is currently working on revising their writing pieces into a better one. After assessing and revising my essay, I have improved on making my writing smoother and more sophisticated. To start with, in my introductory paragraph, I minimized my background info into only a few sentences; I started from, “As the world is developing through artificial intelligence and digital technologies, virtual and augmented reality has been a major excitement throughout the years. We have all seen the extraordinary uses of it, from connecting to work. It may boom rapidly, but yet, may not be all always ideal.” and revised it into “. As the world is developing through artificial intelligence, virtual and augmented reality has been a major excitement throughout the past few years. It has become exponentially popular but may not, in reality, be all ideal.” With this change, I made my essay much less redundant and smoother. In addition, I switched some of my transitions into more complex and meaningful ones. To illustrate, as I was using “moreover” many times, I switched it to “furthermore”. This made my writing flow better and be easier to read. Finally, I improved in making my writing more sophisticated by making my writing form unity. Essentially, I made my paragraphs similar in overall structure. One of the main aspects I changed was to use a quote or statistic in each paragraph because I already had one in one paragraph. With this change, I made my essay seem more balanced in both the number of words and in the amount of information. How do you think you can change your writing for the better?

Rhea

2/7/2022 04:46:49 pm

I don't have unity in my pronouns; I switched between "them" and "us" when talking about "Division One".

Rhea

2/7/2022 04:49:14 pm

Plan. Draft. Revise. These are the steps to write an engaging and clear writing piece, such as an essay or a paragraph. Throughout the past few weeks, Division One has been planning and writing their five-paragraph essay with structured criteria to guide them. Now, after completing our drafts, they are starting to get into the third step of the writing process: Revising. Completing self-assessments and giving peer feedback, Division One is currently working on revising their writing piece. After assessing and revising my essay, I have improved on making my writing smoother and more sophisticated. To start with, in my introductory paragraph, I minimized my background info into only a few sentences; I started from, “As the world is developing through artificial intelligence and digital technologies, virtual and augmented reality has been a major excitement throughout the years. We have all seen the extraordinary uses of it, from connecting to work. It may boom rapidly, but yet, may not be all always ideal.” and revised it into “As the world is developing through artificial intelligence, virtual and augmented reality has been a major excitement throughout the past few years. It has become exponentially popular but may not, in reality, be all ideal.” With this change, I made my essay much less redundant and smoother. In addition, I switched some of my transitions when I used them too many times. To illustrate, as I was using “moreover” three times, I switched one to “furthermore”. This made my writing flow better and be easier to read. Finally, I improved in making my writing more sophisticated by making my writing form unity. Essentially, I made my paragraphs similar in overall structure. One of the main aspects I changed was to use a quote or statistic in each paragraph because I already had one in one paragraph. With this change, I made my essay seem more balanced in both the number of words and in the amount of information. How do you think you can change your writing for the better?

Crystal

2/7/2022 05:42:12 pm

@Rhea - Good job!!
FEEDBACK
1) "These are the steps *in writing* an..."
2) "Now, after completing our drafts, they are..." You said "our" and then "they".
3) "With *these changes*, ..."

Rhea

2/7/2022 09:22:28 pm

Plan. Draft. Revise. These are the steps in writing an engaging and clear writing piece, such as an essay or a paragraph. Throughout the past few weeks, Division One has been planning and writing their five-paragraph essay with structured criteria to guide them. Now, after completing their drafts, they are starting to get into the third step of the writing process: Revising. Completing self-assessments and giving peer feedback, Division One is currently working on revising their writing piece. After assessing and revising my essay, I have improved on making my writing smoother and more sophisticated. To start with, in my introductory paragraph, I minimized my background info into only a few sentences; I started from, “As the world is developing through artificial intelligence and digital technologies, virtual and augmented reality has been a major excitement throughout the years. We have all seen the extraordinary uses of it, from connecting to work. It may boom rapidly, but yet, may not be all always ideal.” and revised it into “As the world is developing through artificial intelligence, virtual and augmented reality has been a major excitement throughout the past few years. It has become exponentially popular but may not, in reality, be all ideal.” With this change, I made my essay much less redundant and smoother. In addition, I switched some of my transitions when I used them too many times. To illustrate, as I was using “moreover” three times, I switched one to “furthermore”. This made my writing flow better and be easier to read. Finally, I improved in making my writing more sophisticated by making my writing form unity. Essentially, I made my paragraphs similar in overall structure. One of the main aspects I changed was to use a quote or statistic in each paragraph because I already had one in one paragraph. With these changes, I made my essay seem more balanced in both the number of words and in the amount of information. How do you think you can change your writing for the better?

Jayden

2/7/2022 05:04:21 pm

Planning, making a draft, and Revising paragraphs are the steps of writing an engaging hook with great writing. Last time our classroom was planning on writing a 5 paragraphed essay about anything that are about facts.

The first thing we did was to plan what we were going to write then secondly; we wrote our dirty copy so we could revise the sentences from the messy copy and revise it on OneNote to turn it to a clean copy. Thirdly revised by just simply copying it to OneNote, writing stuff you didn’t include, and finally you find a person to give you peer feedback.

An example of changing my dirty paragraph to a washed/cleaned paragraph is like this: dirty copy: Space consists of 3 things we need to know about which are galaxies, black holes, and stars. But then for the Clean/washed copy: Space consists of 3 things we need to know about which are galaxies, black holes, and stars but inside other galaxies there may be alien life which is a planned mission for NASA, and we may use aliens for technology. That’s an engaging hook because a lot of people want to know if aliens are real but if I leaked something about a real planned special alien NASA mission then it would surprise lots of people. (That example is found at the concluding paragraph final point).

This is how we planned from making 5 paragraph essays to engaging cleaned/washed paragraphs. In conclusion this was the process on writing a 5-paragraph essay with multiple transition words and engaging hooks.

Jayden

2/7/2022 05:05:14 pm

@myself
I forgot to add the dash to the word "5 paragraph"

Jayden

2/7/2022 05:06:20 pm

Planning, making a draft, and Revising paragraphs are the steps of writing an engaging hook with great writing. Last time our classroom was planning on writing a 5-paragraphed essay about anything that are about facts.

The first thing we did was to plan what we were going to write then secondly; we wrote our dirty copy so we could revise the sentences from the messy copy and revise it on OneNote to turn it to a clean copy. Thirdly revised by just simply copying it to OneNote, writing stuff you didn’t include, and finally you find a person to give you peer feedback.

An example of changing my dirty paragraph to a washed/cleaned paragraph is like this: dirty copy: Space consists of 3 things we need to know about which are galaxies, black holes, and stars. But then for the Clean/washed copy: Space consists of 3 things we need to know about which are galaxies, black holes, and stars but inside other galaxies there may be alien life which is a planned mission for NASA, and we may use aliens for technology. That’s an engaging hook because a lot of people want to know if aliens are real but if I leaked something about a real planned special alien NASA mission then it would surprise lots of people. (That example is found at the concluding paragraph final point).

This is how we planned from making 5-paragraph essays to engaging cleaned/washed paragraphs. In conclusion this was the process on writing a 5-paragraph essay with multiple transition words and engaging hooks.

Jayden

2/7/2022 05:06:53 pm

that was revised edition

Kai

2/7/2022 05:22:14 pm

When we started doing the essay writing, I only knew a few things. Once we got into writing the essays, I was constantly asking Mr. Hong what I was supposed to do and with feedback from Mr. Hong, I was finally able to complete my first draft of my essay. With more feedback I can expand my essay and make it more informative and use a reasonable amount of transition words. Hopefully by the end of this essay project I have an essay that’s informative and has lots of supporting details.

Beth

2/7/2022 06:22:25 pm

@Kai - I like the way you worded your paragraph.

FEEDBACK: Don't forget to include one major item you improved on and how you improved/changed it.

Brendan

2/7/2022 06:35:48 pm

@Kai- Great paragraph! I hope your essay turns out well too.

FEEDBACK: Make sure to check the GIVENS and you can add more commas in your sentence. For example, in the third sentence, instead of using "and" twice, replace one with commas because you're listing.

Crystal

2/7/2022 05:37:42 pm

Bill Gates once said, "We all need people who will give us feedback. That's how we improve." It's true, everyone needs feedback in order to make their work better, and without anyone providing you with feedback, it would be much harder improve your work. Now, it is crucial to give and receive feedback while writing a five-paragraph essay, especially since there are lots of space for errors. After writing out a draft of your essay, it is essential to give yourself a self-assessment before asking your peers for feedback. After giving myself a self-assessment, I have made changes and improvements in my essay. The biggest change I made was to my introductory paragraph. Before assessing myself, I had many mistakes, unnecessary sentences, and lots of information that wasn't organized well. However, after revising, my paragraph is now much more clear and formal. Previously, I said, "Rougly 400 million new users have come onto social media within the past 12 months, and as of 2020, 49% of the world's population is online." Now, after editing, "Millions of new users have come onto social media within the past year, and as of 2020, half of the world's population is online." In addition, some other changes I made to my essay was punctuation mistakes. I had missing commas in various places, and after revising, my essay sounds smoother and more continuous. In conclusion, after making these changes, my essay looks more formal and presentable. So, giving yourself feedback is just as important as receiving feedback from others.

Crystal

2/7/2022 05:42:47 pm

Self-assessment: I should rephrase some of my sentences and make them sound smoother.

Crystal

2/7/2022 05:48:52 pm

Bill Gates once said, "We all need people who will give us feedback. That's how we improve." It's true, everyone needs feedback in order to polish their work, and without anyone providing you with feedback, it would be much harder to improve your work. Now, it is crucial to give and receive feedback while writing a five-paragraph essay, especially since there are lots of space for errors. After writing out a draft of your essay, it is essential to give yourself a self-assessment before asking your peers for feedback. After giving myself a self-assessment, I have made changes and improvements in my essay, the biggest change being the beginning of my introductory paragraph. Before assessing myself, I had many mistakes, unnecessary sentences, and lots of information that wasn't organized well. However, after revising, that section of my paragraph is now much more clear. Previously, I stated, "Rougly 400 million new users have come onto social media within the past 12 months, and as of 2020, 49% of the world's population is online. While social media first started as a way to connect with friends and family, it's since then transformed into a hobby used by everyone" Now, after editing, "Millions of new users have come onto social media within the past year, and as of 2020, half of the world's population is online. While social media first started as a way to connect with friends and family, it has since transformed into a coveted hobby used by all age groups." In addition, some other changes I made to my essay was punctuation mistakes. I had missing commas in various places, and after revising, my essay sounds smoother and more continuous. In conclusion, after making these changes, my essay looks much more formal and presentable. So, as you can see, giving yourself feedback is just as important as receiving feedback from others, and can really make a difference in your work.

Shawn

2/7/2022 06:14:39 pm

6th

Jeremy

2/7/2022 06:19:28 pm

7th

Beth

2/7/2022 06:20:51 pm

Emma Watson, both an accomplished actress and a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador, once said: "I don't want other people to decide what I am. I want to decide that for myself." This is only the start of a 5-Paragraph Essay in progress. Of course, this means that I will be doing many new revisions and drafts, all on the course of my own, peer, and teacher's descriptive feedback. For instance, in the third body paragraph, I wrote:
"As well, treating someone as an equal can help you change your mindset to make less biased first impressions. Then you could build up your impression of them as you got to know them. For example, if you met a guy that looked like a muscular jock, and he had, say, tons of tattoos, you might think he was this big, tough guy that never cried, or he wasn't that sensitive, or he often got into fights. But you shouldn't judge a book by its cover; he could be a kind, gentle guy if you got to know him."
As you can probably see, this is a very long supporting point. So, I looked at it, read it over a few times, and gave myself some feedback. First, I decided that the example I gave was a bit too repetitive. Then, I thought I could rewrite it in a way that it would be more concise. I spent a little bit of time on it, focusing on my own feedback, and I ended up with this:
"When you treat someone as an equal, it can help you change your mindset to make less biased first impressions. Then, you could build up your impression of them as you got to know them. For example, if you met a guy that looked like a muscular jock with tons of tattoos, you might think he was this big, tough guy that would tend to get into fights. But maybe, if you got to know him, he could be a kind, gentle guy. Essentially, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover."
It might be a little hard to tell, but I narrowed down the points and switched around the words a bit to make it more concise. Of course, I can do this several times to make it even more concise. In the end, you can edit and revise your work for eternity. When you give descriptive feedback, you can help improve your work or others'. That is why the writing process is so important.

Beth

2/7/2022 07:19:22 pm

SELF-ASSESSMENT: I could reword a few things.

Beth (REVISED)

2/7/2022 07:27:40 pm

Emma Watson, both an accomplished actress and a UN Women Goodwill Ambassador, once said: "I don't want other people to decide what I am. I want to decide that for myself." This is only the start of a 5-Paragraph Essay in progress. Of course, "in progress" means that I will be doing many new revisions and drafts, all on the course of my own, peer, and teacher's descriptive feedback. An example of this feedback and revision is when I wrote:
"Treating someone as an equal can help you change your mindset to make less biased first impressions. Then you could build up your impression of them as you got to know them. For example, if you met a guy that looked like a muscular jock, and he had, say, tons of tattoos, you might think he was this big, tough guy that never cried, or he wasn't that sensitive, or he often got into fights. But you shouldn't judge a book by its cover; he could be a kind, gentle guy if you got to know him."
As you can see, this is a very extensive, repetitive supporting point. At least, that's what I see. So, I decided to give myself some feedback. I read it over a few times, and reworded it and switched things around, and I ended up with this:
"When you treat someone as an equal, it can help you change your mindset to make less biased first impressions. Then, you could build up your impression of them as you got to know them. For example, if you met a guy that looked like a muscular jock with tons of tattoos, you might think he was this big, tough guy that would tend to get into fights. But maybe, if you got to know him, he could be a kind, gentle guy. Essentially, you shouldn't judge a book by its cover."
It might be a little hard to tell, but I narrowed down the points and switched around the words a bit to make it more concise. Of course, that's not the end of my revision. In my opinion, you could edit and revise your work for eternity, but you shouldn't revise and edit something just for the sake of revising and editing; you should do it until you think it's just right. However, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't ever give feedback. When you give descriptive feedback, you can help improve your work or others'. That is why the writing process is so important.

Shawn

2/7/2022 06:34:49 pm

How did I improve my paragraphs in my essay?
I originally didn't make any improvements.
Today I improved the hook, thesis and added a lot more details.
Thats how I improved

Shawn

2/7/2022 06:36:20 pm

self assessment

check structure
add more detail

Jeremy

2/7/2022 06:45:28 pm

FEEDBACK: make it longer and check the givens.

Trevor

2/7/2022 06:51:45 pm

@Shawn Nice Paragraph

Oriana

2/7/2022 08:34:10 pm

@Shawn - Great paragraph
FEEDBACK: Include one example of what you improved on. Maybe be specific and put the specific sentence(s) that you revised, the before and after, and explain why you changed it/them.
FEEDBACK 2: Remember to use paragraph structure. Have an engaging hook, supporting sentences, and a proper conclusion. Your supporting sentences should be detailed and include examples.

Trevor

2/7/2022 06:53:20 pm

I improve on my essay by adding more transition words, and details. Overall, I did good

Trevor (Self-Assesment)

2/7/2022 06:54:14 pm

Check the Givens and add more details

Shawn

2/7/2022 07:10:57 pm

@Trevor beautiful paragraph, it really took my breath away.

Add more detail and make sure the format is proper

Trevor

2/7/2022 07:28:43 pm

@Shawn Thank you SOOOOOO Much

Jeremy

2/7/2022 07:40:21 pm

FEEDBACK: Add a hook and make your paragraph longer.

Trevor

2/7/2022 07:28:01 pm

Getting Feedback is a way to reach success, that is why I have gotten lots of feedback from different people. I have improve a lot on making my paragraph run smoothly through my essay by adding 2-3 transition words in each sentence. I have also make both my thesis statement and restate thesis sentence more detailed and engaging. Moreover, I have removed unnecessary words on my topic and concluding sentences. In conclusion, I think writing an essay is a really fun thing to do, especially you can get feedback from yourself and others to improve your learning. I personally have improved a lot in my essay and doing self/peer-assesments really helped.

Trevor

2/7/2022 07:29:18 pm

This was my REVISED VERSION

Shawn

2/7/2022 07:39:13 pm

Wow, this is the best thing I've seen all day.
You correctly proved that revision is important and how much you can change by revising.

In the second sentence you wrote "I have improve", next time write "I have improved". It' makes more sense.

TREVOR

2/7/2022 07:40:33 pm

@SHAWN THANKS FOR THE FEEDBACK

Matthew

2/7/2022 07:40:17 pm

feedback back is the key to reaching success "mr.hong". in the essay we had to right we had to get lots and lots of feedback even though it is super boring it is helpful. to be continued (i have to go to basketball practice)

TREVOR

2/7/2022 07:41:21 pm

NICE

Jeremy

2/7/2022 07:41:31 pm

FEEDBACK: Check the givens

Matthew

2/8/2022 07:52:23 am

feedback back is the key to reaching success "mr.hong". in the essay we had to right we had to get lots and lots of feedback even though it is super boring it is helpful. and in my essay i saw many things i didnt see the first time for that reason i improved my essay a lot but these are some of the changes i did. firstly i would change up some of the words in my essay to make it more interesting so the reader would be engaged in the essay because of the cool words i put. secondly transition words, i added so many more transition words because in some places i would actually forget some of the transition words.
Now you know why feedback is very helpful.

TREVOR(REVISED 3)

2/7/2022 07:42:28 pm

Getting Feedback is a way to reach success, that is why I have gotten lots of feedback from different people. I have improved a lot on making my paragraph run smoothly through my essay by adding 2-3 transition words in each sentence. I have also make both my thesis statement and restate thesis sentence more detailed and engaging. Moreover, I have removed unnecessary words on my topic and concluding sentences. In conclusion, I think writing an essay is a really fun thing to do, especially you can get feedback from yourself and others to improve your learning. I personally have improved a lot in my essay and doing self/peer-assesments really helped.

Oriana

2/7/2022 08:06:31 pm

"Without proper self-evaluation, failure is inevitable." This is a quote from John Wooden, and I think that it shows how important self-assessing is. Assessing your work is important, and being able to make things better, will lead you to success. So, how have I revised my essay , based on my self-assessment. One major thing was changing my topic sentences. As an example, I'll be using my very first topic sentence. At first, I wrote: "Firstly, it's important to know what gender inequality is." After looking at this topic sentence, I felt as if it wasn't bright enough. "Firstly" is a very overused transition word, so I thought that I could change that. After looking around on thesauruses, I revised my topic sentence. My revised version was: "At the outset, it's important to know what gender inequality is." This helped the sentence become more impactful, rather than dull. I continued to do this for the rest of my topic sentences, and I felt that now, they feel more powerful, and introduce the topic in a colourful way. Revising and self-assessing your work is important, and even the small changes make a big difference. What are your thoughts on self-assessments?

Ella

2/7/2022 08:34:43 pm

@Oriana
Feedback- you should check the GIVENS.

Oriana

2/7/2022 08:37:45 pm

Self-assessment: " and I think that it shows how important self-assessing is." seems a bit odd, so I should change that.

"Without proper self-evaluation, failure is inevitable." This is a quote from John Wooden, and I think this quote shows the importance of self-assessments. Assessing your work is important, and being able to make things better, will lead you to success. So, how have I revised my essay , based on my self-assessment. One major thing was changing my topic sentences. As an example, I'll be using my very first topic sentence. At first, I wrote: "Firstly, it's important to know what gender inequality is." After looking at this topic sentence, I felt as if it wasn't bright enough. "Firstly" is a very overused transition word, so I thought that I could change that. After looking around on thesauruses, I revised my topic sentence. My revised version was: "At the outset, it's important to know what gender inequality is." This helped the sentence become more impactful, rather than dull. I continued to do this for the rest of my topic sentences, and I felt that now, they feel more powerful, and introduce the topic in a colourful way. Revising and self-assessing your work is important, and even the small changes make a big difference. What are your thoughts on self-assessments?

ASH

2/7/2022 10:44:16 pm

@Oriana- Good job!

FEEDBACK: When you said "This is a quote from John Wooden, and I think this quote shows the importance of self-assessments. Maybe you should not include the "and I think" just say "this quote.

FEEDBACK 2: You have some vocabulary errors and errors. Overall, I think you did an amazing job!

Jeremy

2/7/2022 08:09:22 pm

Feed back is one of the most important ways to achieve success, because if you ask some one else for feed back they might be able spot where you have made a mistake or find a way you could make your work more interesting, make more sense, or make your work better in general. Recently we have been working on writing a 5 paragraph essay, and I have received feed back from myself and my peers. There were many things I improved on, but the thing I improved on the most were using transition words and using supporting details to back up my main points. The feed back really helped me a lot improving and learning what I can do better next time.

Vernice

2/7/2022 08:29:56 pm

@Jeremeny- Nice paragraph
Feedback: Feedback is a word

Jeremy-(Revised)

2/7/2022 09:39:31 pm

Feedback is one of the most important ways to achieve success, because if you ask some one else for feedback they might be able spot where you have made a mistake or find a way you could make your work more interesting, make more sense, or make your work better in general. Recently we have been working on writing a 5 paragraph essay, and I have received feedback from myself and my peers. There were many things I improved on, but the thing I improved on the most were using transition words and using supporting details to back up my main points. The feedback really helped me a lot improving and learning what I can do better next time.

Winna

2/7/2022 08:23:15 pm

Self assessment is a very important part of our learning process. You improve and learn from it. This time, I will be talking about a major thing I improved on. A lot of feedback I got was adding transition words. I often forget about the transition words. I thought they were not very useful, but after the feedback, I realized that I could have added the the transition words to make my essay smoother for readers.

Self-assessment: I should add a conclusion, even if I don’t really know how.

Winna

2/7/2022 08:28:36 pm

Self assessment is a very important part of our learning process. You improve and learn from it. This time, I will be talking about a major thing I improved on. A lot of feedback I got was adding transition words. I often forget about the transition words. I thought they were not very useful, but after the feedback, I realized that I could have added the the transition words to make my essay smoother for readers. Feedback can really from yourself or peers can make your essays a better one. This is why we should listen and try to improve while doing the essay.

I met the criteria and the requirements.

Gen

2/7/2022 11:31:06 pm

@Winna Nice paragraph Winna!
FEEDBACK: Grammar mistake
The part when you said realized that I could have added the the transition words
You put double “the” you said “added the the transition words. You accidentally put two “The”
It's supposed to be one!
FEEDBACK 2: Add more detail next time!
Overall GOOD WORK WINNA!!

Vernice

2/7/2022 08:27:57 pm

Do you respond to feedbacks? This includes self-assessments, peer-assessments, and any other feedback that is given to you. One big feedback that I responded to on my essay writing is rewording, in other words, rephrasing the sentences. Most of the sentences in my essay are repetitive, such as environment, many, and thrive. Therefore, I use Thesaurus to look up for synonyms and Dictionary for definitions. In addition, understanding the things you are writing is essential for rewording because knowing what you are writing can make a huge difference in the wording. Moreover, I try researching the pieces of information that I'm writing to find ways to rephrase the phrases and clauses. I believe responding to feedback is the most effective way to improve on projects that you are doing.

Vernice

2/7/2022 08:30:38 pm

Self-assessment: I should include how I change my essay.

Vernice

2/7/2022 08:32:29 pm

(Revised)
Do you respond to feedbacks? This includes self-assessments, peer-assessments, and any other feedback that is given to you. One big feedback that I responded to on my essay writing is rewording, in other words, rephrasing the sentences. Most of the sentences in my essay are repetitive, such as environment, many, and thrive. Therefore, I use Thesaurus to look up for synonyms and Dictionary for definitions. In addition, understanding the things you are writing is essential for rewording because knowing what you are writing can make a huge difference in the wording. Moreover, I try researching the pieces of information that I'm writing to find ways to rephrase the phrases and clauses. After editing my work, my essay aren't as redundant as it was before the feedbacks. I believe responding to feedback is the most effective way to improve on projects that you are doing.

Ella

2/7/2022 08:34:06 pm

Do you know why feedback is very important? It is very important because without it you can’t improve your work. self assessment is Aldo very important because you are assessing your own work and improving. One important thing I need to change on my essay is rewording. I really should change some words to make my essay better. Another important thing I should change is my thesis. i should make my thesis clear so that people can understand is. After I revised it is was more clear and people can understand it better. So self assessment and peer feedback is all very important.

Ella

2/7/2022 08:37:46 pm

Self assessment -I should change the concluding sentence.
-I should include some examples and explain

Ella

2/7/2022 08:51:14 pm

Do you know why feedback is very important? It is very important because without it you can’t improve your work. self assessment is Also very important because you are assessing your own work and improving. One important thing I need to change on my essay is rewording. I really should change some words to make my essay better. Another important thing I should change is my thesis. I should make my thesis clear so that people can understand is. Last I shouldn’t include things that are not related to the topic. For example, I shouldn’t include something about air planes into my essay because it is not related to my topic. After I revised it is was more clear and people can understand it better. It is important because you need seld assessment and peer feedback to reach the success criteria.

Ella

2/7/2022 08:52:41 pm

Revised

Do you know why feedback is very important? It is very important because without it you can’t improve your work. self assessment is Also very important because you are assessing your own work and improving. One important thing I need to change on my essay is rewording. I really should change some words to make my essay better. Another important thing I should change is my thesis. I should make my thesis clear so that people can understand is. Last I shouldn’t include things that are not related to the topic. For example, I shouldn’t include something about air planes into my essay because it is not related to my topic. After I revised it is was more clear and people can understand it better. It is important because you need self assessment and peer feedback to reach the success criteria.

Brendan

2/7/2022 09:17:43 pm

Self-assessment and peer/teacher feedback. Writing essays is yet another assignment that incorporates the Big 6 Learning Principles. Creating many, many drafts through self and peer assessements is the key to writing a superb essay. This method allows someone to improve their initial draft greatly because they can look at things they could change to revise their writing and make it better. In addition, others can also provide different opinions and perspectives that the writer wouldn't have to further improve it. I did a self-assessment on my five-paragraph essay and found many ways to improve. For example, I completely revised my thesis from something along the lines of "Because it is such an important issue, people have definitely thought about what causes it, the consequences, and possible solutions to stop it." to "As clean water is undoubtedly an essential resource, finding solutions by acquiring background knowledge, such as what causes it, the ways it affects people, and others' ideas will be mandatory". As shown, the first version of my thesis seems unrelated and sounds like I just thought of a way to list the three main points without using "you" or "I". However, my revised thesis is closely tied to the theme of helping ones without clean water. Moreover, it is also more descriptive and the vocabulary is more powerful than my previous sentence, which felt dull. Furthermore, I also exchange some simple and repetitive transitions, such as firstly. I'm still trying to completely replace that word from my paragraphs, but I'm not currently aware of a more sophisticated word. After my self-assessment, my essay has become much more detailed and properly structured, but I'm still open to extra feedback and revisions. Because as you know, revising is the method for success.

Brendan

2/8/2022 06:38:32 pm

Self-Assessment: Make my hook more engaging.

Self-assessment and peer/teacher feedback. Writing essays is yet another assignment that incorporates the Big 6 Learning Principles. They really are everywhere! Creating many, many drafts through self and peer assessements is the key to writing a superb essay. This method allows someone to improve their initial draft greatly because they can look at things they could change to revise their writing and make it better. In addition, others can also provide different opinions and perspectives that the writer wouldn't have to further improve it. I did a self-assessment on my five-paragraph essay and found many ways to improve. For example, I completely revised my thesis from something along the lines of "Because it is such an important issue, people have definitely thought about what causes it, the consequences, and possible solutions to stop it." to "As clean water is undoubtedly an essential resource, finding solutions by acquiring background knowledge, such as what causes it, the ways it affects people, and others' ideas will be mandatory". As shown, the first version of my thesis seems unrelated and sounds like I just thought of a way to list the three main points without using "you" or "I". However, my revised thesis is closely tied to the theme of helping ones without clean water. Moreover, it is also more descriptive and the vocabulary is more powerful than my previous sentence, which felt dull. Furthermore, I also exchange some simple and repetitive transitions, such as firstly. I'm still trying to completely replace that word from my paragraphs, but I'm not currently aware of a more sophisticated word. After my self-assessment, my essay has become much more detailed and properly structured, but I'm still open to extra feedback and revisions. Because as you know, revising is the key to succeed!

REVISED

ASH

2/7/2022 10:34:17 pm

Self-assessing, revising, etc. Typing or writing essays is time taking but taking your time and using the big 6 learning principles will make your essay into an engaging piece of work. In my essay, I had some sentences that are not in my words so I rephrased them to my words for the other person to understand when they're reading my essay.
Our class has been working on "5 Paragraph Essays" we are digitally writing our essays and constantly getting feedback for ways to improve on our essays.
I am currently working on my essay after the whole thing was deleted, yes it is stressful, but I would do anything to achieve my goal. After, if we are done or not, we'll have to self-assess ourselves to see if we met the criteria, if not we could find ways to improve.
For example, if my thesis statement wasn't engaging enough, I would find ways to make my thesis interesting like using words that can pull the reader's attention, using transition words, etc.
In conclusion, Self-assessing and revising are a big part of writing that is how we improve our writing.

I met the criteria and all the requirements.

ASH

2/7/2022 10:35:14 pm

SELF ASSESSMENT: I have some errors and some grammar mistakes.

Gen

2/7/2022 11:26:59 pm

@Ash
Nice paragraph ash!
FEEDBACK 1: Check your grammars
instead of saying "I would do" Try to say (I will do)
FEEDBACK 2: Check your punctuations
the part when you said "after the whole thing was deleted, yes," instead of putting comma put period and capital letter for "Y"
OVERALL GOOD JOB!!

ASH

2/7/2022 10:37:21 pm

Self-assessing, revising, etc. Typing or writing essays is time taking but taking your time and using the big 6 learning principles will make your essay into an engaging piece of work. In my essay, I had some sentences that are not in my words, so I rephrased them to my words for the other person to understand when they are reading my essay.
Our class has been working on "5 Paragraph Essays". We are digitally drafting our essays and constantly getting feedback for ways to improve on our essays.
I am currently working on my essay after the whole thing was deleted, yes, it is stressful, but I would do anything to achieve my goal. After, if we are done or not, we would have to self-assess ourselves to see if we met the criteria, if not we could find ways to improve.
For example, if my thesis statement were not engaging enough, I would find ways to make my thesis interesting like using words that can pull the reader's attention, using transition words, etc.
In conclusion, Self-assessing and revising are a big part of writing that is how we improve our writing.

I met the criteria and all the requirements.

Gen

2/7/2022 11:19:34 pm

When Mark Twain once said “Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.”
Without any feedback you can’t learn anything from others who always asked for feedback so you know what you did right and what you did wrong. Asking for any feedback is actually not bad, that’ s the way to learn. But first of all before asking someone for peer feedback you should check it by your self like self assessment it’s really essential to give your self a self-assessment because it helps you to improve your learning. And also check the success criteria and look if you did it right. But what if there’s no success criteria? You should ask your teacher specially and your classmates. If you’re home you can always email your teacher and ask for feedback i’m pretty sure they will response like Mr. Hong i emailed him sometimes to ask about the work.
These past few weeks Division 1, started doing 5 paragraph essay introductions and etc. We wrote it down on the paper and after a few days we started to write it down on our electronics. Today division 1 received peer feedback from other examples of our table mates,we gave each other feedback so they can improve their essay.
So today we exchanged papers with our table mates. After a couple of minutes we gave it back and I saw the feedback that my classmate wrote. I have some grammar mistakes, Capitalizations, and I should state my topic clearly. In my thesis I should write more details. I also forgot to write my concluding sentences! But now i already did it and i took their feedback.
I have met the success criteria!

Gen

2/7/2022 11:21:03 pm

Self Assessment- Grammar mistakes and check my punctuations.

Gen

2/7/2022 11:21:34 pm

When Mark Twain once said “Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.”
Without any feedback you can’t learn anything from others who always asked for feedback so you know what you did right and what you did wrong. Asking for any feedback is actually not bad, that’ s the way to learn. But first of all before asking someone for peer feedback you should check it by yourself like self assessment. It's really essential to give yourself a self-assessment because it helps you to improve your learning. And also check the success criteria and look if you did it right. But what if there’s no success criteria? You should ask your teacher specially and your classmates. If you’re home you can always email your teacher and ask for feedback i’m pretty sure they will response like Mr. Hong I emailed him sometimes to ask about the work.
These past few weeks Division 1, started doing essay stuff introductions and a lot more. We wrote it down on the paper and after a few days we started to write it down on our electronics. Today division 1 received peer feedback from other examples of our table mates,we gave each other feedback so they can improve their essay.
So today we exchanged papers with our table mates. After a couple of minutes we gave it back and I saw the feedback that my classmate wrote. I have some grammar mistakes, Capitalizations, and I should state my topic clearly. In my thesis I should write more details. I also forgot to write my concluding sentences! But now I already did it and I took their feedback.
I have met the success criteria!

Gen

2/7/2022 11:37:20 pm

OOPS I posted it two times
[REVISED 2]
When Mark Twain once said “Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.”
Without any feedback you can’t learn anything from others who always asked for feedback so you know what you did right and what you did wrong. Asking for any feedback is actually not bad, that’ s the way to learn. But first of all before asking someone for peer feedback you should check it by yourself like self assessment. It's really essential to give yourself a self-assessment because it helps you to improve your learning. And also check the success criteria and look if you did it right. But what if there’s no success criteria? You should ask your teacher specially and your classmates. If you’re home you can always email your teacher and ask for feedback. I'm pretty sure they will respond like Mr. Hong. I emailed him sometimes to ask about the work.
These past few weeks Division 1, started doing essay stuff introductions and a etc. We wrote it down on the paper and after a few days we started to write it down on our electronics. Today division 1 received peer feedback from other examples of our table mates,we gave each other feedback so they can improve their essay.
So today we exchanged papers with our table mates. After a couple of minutes we gave it back and I saw the feedback that my classmate wrote. I have some grammar mistakes, Capitalizations, and I should state my topic clearly. In my thesis I should write more details. I also forgot to write my concluding sentences! But now I already did it and I took their feedback.
I have met the success criteria!

Mais

2/7/2022 11:45:36 pm

When you write a piece of writing, there's always ways to improve it and feedback is a great strategy to use. I used my self assessment notes and feedback to improve and revise some areas in my conclusion paragraph. I added a little bit more detail and made the conclusion make more sense. I restated the thesis in a better phrase.

Oriana

2/8/2022 08:24:03 am

PAR POLICE:
Crystal: Complete
Rhea: Complete
Me: Complete
Brendan: Missing self-assessment and revised version
Jeremy: Missing self-assessment

ocean

2/8/2022 06:16:54 pm

I started at asking for help to my mom for understand my idea, and this help me to focus in fix every thing and follow the feedback that I got, to improve everything.

Gen

2/8/2022 07:50:28 pm

[PAR POLICE]
Me: Complete
Winna: Missing Peer feedback
Trevor: Complete
Matthew: Missing revised version and Self assessment

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