Mr. Hong's Class - #THELEARNINGNEVERSTOPS - MR. HONG'S CLASS | BUILDING A COMMUNITY OF 21ST CENTURY LEARNERS THROUGH | CRITICAL THINKING | COLLABORATION | CREATIVITY | COMMUNICATION | SELF-REGULATION | FORMATIVE ASSESSMENT

Sticking With It - Writing

1/16/2017

Today, we had a wonderful opportunity to enjoy some musical performances by our school band, the Gr.6 French band, and Mrs. Campbell's French students. It was amazing to see the musical talents that have developed this year at K.B. Woodward!

1.) MATH 6/7:

Complete all 3 worksheets on area and circumference of a circle.
For each question, you must find the area and the circumference. I do realize each question only asks you to solve for circumference or area, but I would like you to do both.
You must write out the formula, rewrite it with the new radius or diameter, and then write out the answer after you have completed the calculation.
If you have any questions, please ask.
Here are two videos in case you need to review how to do it: CIRCUMFERENCE AREA

2.) LA - WRITING:

Complete yesterday's PAR if you haven't already done so.
When you are sure you have enough details from to support your main topic (page 3), write a short paragraph about getting ready for a family trip using the points you came up with. Make sure that all your details are connected to your topic. As you write, it's OK to add new details as long as you stay with your topic.
How would you rate your paragraph? Did you stay on topic? Read your paragraph to someone at home or to yourself if you have nobody to read to. Choose one of the following: a.) I stuck to the topic b.) I wandered, but a reader could get the main idea c.) I wandered off into the sunset and left readers scratching their heads.
Here is a link to the page in case you forgot it at school.
Give one student suggestions on his/her writing.
Edit and revise your original paragraph.

VIDEO LINKS:
CIRCUMFERENCE
AREA

Richard

1/16/2017 03:48:39 pm

First! Ha in yo face davidr

chance

1/17/2017 02:11:42 pm

i was first lier!!!!!!!!

Richard

1/17/2017 06:25:38 pm

Boi do i look liek i was born yesterday? It says the 17th....

Richard

1/16/2017 03:50:42 pm

Mr. Hong - wait, do we have par other then yesterdays par?

Mr. Hong

1/16/2017 05:02:40 pm

@ Richard - Yes. You must also complete today's PAR.

Richard

1/16/2017 07:07:32 pm

What is todays par

ben

1/16/2017 03:54:33 pm

Second

Vera

1/16/2017 04:18:16 pm

Third

Ashley

1/16/2017 05:03:33 pm

lol your on the thumbnail vera XD

with the freddy suit

Vera

1/16/2017 06:59:03 pm

Aye Ashley aye

Vera

1/16/2017 04:19:56 pm

Oh is that me in the picture anyways how are you feeling Mr. Hong?

ben

1/16/2017 04:35:27 pm

Is the P.A.R. about the paragraph?

Dyamontae

1/16/2017 04:55:24 pm

When I'm going on vacation I have to wake up early an get ready then I have to get all suitcases downstairs, after that my mom calls a taxi or a friend to pick us up. I eat a snack before I leave to the airport because the food is expensive there. I make sure we have everything to leave so we don't forget anything important. Then we wait outside for our ride I pack the car on arrival an then we are off to the airport.

I think I have stayed on topic

Mr. Hong

1/17/2017 01:44:22 pm

@ Dyamontae
- Your first sentence is way too long. Split it up into 2 or three and be sure to use some transition words.
- Use commas after transition words. For example in your last sentence put a comma after 'Then'.

Shmil

1/16/2017 05:53:48 pm

I woke up my parents and my brother so they could get ready for camping. I took a shower, brushed my hair, put my clothes on, and ate breakfast my mother made. I brushed my teeth after eating breakfast. We packed up stuff for camping. After packing up, we put our shoes on, and went to the car. We put on our seat belts and my mom drove to the right place.

I focused on the topic.

Mr. Hong

1/17/2017 01:47:57 pm

@ Shmil - Add an inviting lead/hook. Also, please use some transition words.

Shmil

1/17/2017 02:00:33 pm

"RRRIIIINNG!! RIIIING!! " I woke up when my alarm clock rang. I noticed that today was the day we go camping! Firstly, I woke up my parents and my brother. My mom woke up first, and then woke my dad up. Secondly, I went to go take a shower. Thirdly, I put on my clothes. Fourthly, I brushed my teeth. In the meantime, my mom was putting on her clothes and put on makeup while dad was feeding the baby, and my brother was putting on his clothes. Fifthly, I went to the kitchen and put the plates on the table while my mom made breakfast. We all ate breakfast. Sixthly, I put my shoes on. Meanwhile, my brother put his shoes on too, and my mom packed up snacks. My dad is making my baby sister ready. After mom packed up the snacks, she put her shoes on, and so did my dad. We all went to the car and put our seat belts on. My dad put my baby sister in the car seat and put the seat belt on too. After, mom drove the car to the right place.

I was focused on the topic.

DavidR

1/16/2017 06:54:25 pm

I'm at the airport right now and the wifi is really slow took me 5minutes to load.😴

Richard

1/16/2017 07:08:04 pm

FAIL

Logan

1/16/2017 07:04:59 pm

@ Mr.Hong for some reason the website does not show the PAR.

Mr. Hong

1/16/2017 09:19:03 pm

@ Logan - It is under LA. Sorry.

Chance

1/16/2017 07:14:49 pm

Is there a P.A.R?? I dont see one on my PS4 or Ipod

Mr. Hong

1/16/2017 09:19:18 pm

@ Chance - It is under LA.

Ozem

1/16/2017 07:21:09 pm

Kek

Ozem

1/16/2017 07:21:39 pm

Fyi
Kek=lol

Richard

1/16/2017 07:23:14 pm

I don't even know what the par is so pose to be about
=======================================
Whenever we go in vacation or go somewhere with my family, We usually wake up at 9:00 and this is our routine.

Me: I wake up and take a shower. After that i get dressed and eat some breakfast ,brush my teeth ,bring my phone and wait for my family to finish with their flap doodle. My mom always wakes up 15 minutes later and serves breakfast and gets dressed while she cooks. My dad gets dressed, brushes his teeth and plays chess on his phone while he waits. My brother Sleeps in 5 minutes ,eat food and gets dressed with a shirt that says "EAT SLEEP WIN" Because that is his favorite shirt. Not to mention hes always the LAST one to get ready.

Richard (Revised)

1/17/2017 01:45:41 pm

Routine For A Field Trip
=======================================
Whenever we go in vacation or go somewhere with my family, We usually wake up at 9:00 and this is our routine.

Me: I wake up and take a shower. After that i get dressed and eat some breakfast ,brush my teeth ,bring my phone and wait for my family to finish with their flap doodle. My mom always wakes up 15 minutes later and serves breakfast and gets dressed while she cooks. My dad gets dressed, brushes his teeth and plays chess on his phone while he waits. My brother Sleeps in 5 minutes ,eat food and gets dressed with is his favorite shirt. Not to mention he's always the LAST one to get ready.

Mr. Hong

1/17/2017 01:48:48 pm

@ Richard - Make sure you eliminate some sentences so it is completely focused.

Ozem

1/16/2017 07:23:18 pm

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

This is the new lenny

1/16/2017 07:25:39 pm

( ͡° ͜L ͡°)( ͡° ͜L ͡°)( ͡° ͜L ͡°)

FartSparklez

1/16/2017 07:29:53 pm

So today my mom and dad are going to the Mars (not really)
So I wake up and I like freak out cause where going to the Mars
I wake up my parents and we start to pack up all over our stuff and the important things like tons of water and toilet paper after that we go in the space ship and we all help out to pack up our stuff (Space suits,water etc) and then we go to Mars (To the next frontere)

Note (this is made up as u can tell)

Jacob

1/17/2017 01:45:54 pm

This is what i found out about my post
I kept saying "The Mars. The Mars" i chould of made it a little bit fast and i chould of made some better sentesies.

chance

1/17/2017 01:49:50 pm

@jacob can you stay with your name instead of fartsparklez

Richard

1/17/2017 01:50:54 pm

nvm

Richard

1/17/2017 01:50:28 pm

You should put you're name instead.

Mr. Hong

1/17/2017 01:51:01 pm

@ Jacob - Please try to write in a more formal manner and not so much like you're having a conversation with someone.

tyler

1/17/2017 01:51:16 pm

i think you should be more like serious u know???

ben

1/16/2017 08:00:48 pm

Before I leave for a trip I pack before the day we leave. The next day we wake up before 7:00 and get changed, after we put the bags into the car. Then I try to get in the front which I never succeed in because my sister is always taking it. When we get there I help take out the bags and bring it inside the airport.

Oh yeah Mr. Hong when does spring break start and end?

Logan

1/16/2017 08:34:21 pm

WHAT IS THE P.A.R. I'M SO HUBGRY TO FINISH IT ...LOL!!!!!!;)

Mr. Hong

1/16/2017 08:40:43 pm

@ Logan and everyone - The PAR is the LA homework! Sorry for mislabeling it.

Mr. Hong

1/16/2017 08:47:56 pm

@ Logan - Are you full now? 😉👍

Logan

1/17/2017 06:50:30 am

@ Mr.Hong LOL yes I'm full😂😂😂😂

Jaci

1/16/2017 08:50:19 pm

🌟🍼👶🏻Writing👶🏻🍼🌟
The first thing I have to do when I am going out with my family is that I get dressed super quickly after I do that I eat a quick snack and I have to wait for my family to finish getting ready after that we all leave and bring our phones so we can entertain ourselves. When we go inside the car we put on set belts and listen to the radio and we all talk with each other. Sometimes I sleep in the car because I had to wake up super early.

Just saying some of the things that I wrote on here where not on the sheet I just wanted to say that so.......yeah 🌚🌝....(awkward silence)
🔝

Jaci

1/17/2017 01:49:59 pm

i should of wrote some more sentences instead of a little i think i should be more structured with my writing and it must have more detail.

Jaci

1/17/2017 01:51:38 pm

i forgot to add i need to put an exciting hook sometimes.

Jaci

1/17/2017 02:14:45 pm

UGHHH the day starts of early as usual just like any other day
the first thing i do is that i have to get dressed after i get dressed i have to get my toothbrush and brush my teeth when i finish brushing i tell my sisters its there turn to brush there teeth since im done with everything i have time to relax and eat and go on my IPAD.Eventually they finish and i put my IPAD away and grab my bags so do my family we all leave the house putting our bags in the car when we settle we talk with each other. REVISED

Chance

1/16/2017 09:03:13 pm

Before the trip I have to wake my parents up. Eat breakfast 🍳 and pack the car 🚗. (I'm the packer). I also pack my bag 💼. I tell my dad where to go camping ⛺️ or wherever we are going and he decides if we can go there or not. While he's doing that I normally take my dog 🐶 outside to go number 1, and 2 so he doesn't do that in the car 🚗. I also pack my dogs 🐶 stuff like dog food 🥘, bottle water 💦. That everyone shares. Also treats.

chance

1/17/2017 01:48:02 pm

i think i said on topic.

Ozem

1/17/2017 01:49:44 pm

<Feedback>

@Chance maybe you should refrain from using too much emojis. People might get mixed up about the main idea because of this.
Use commas instead of making new sentences.

Change
"Before the trip I have to wake my parents up. Eat breakfast and pack the car."

To...

"Before the trip I woke my parents up, ate breakfast, and pack the car."

Take out the things that are off topic in the story.

Chance

1/17/2017 02:05:44 pm

(REVISED) !!!!!!!!SO MUCH!!!!!!!!
Before the trip I have to wake my parents up, eat breakfast 🍳 and pack the car 🚗. (I'm the packer). I also pack my bag 💼. I tell my dad where to go camping ⛺️ or wherever we are going and he decides if we can go there or not. While he's doing that I normally take my dog 🐶 outside to go number 1, and 2 so he doesn't do that in the car 🚗. I also pack my dogs 🐶 stuff like dog food 🥘, bottle water 💦. That everyone shares. Also treats

Shaan

1/16/2017 09:25:30 pm

Before I go on a trip I take a shower and brush my teeth. Then I make breakfast for 4 people and that is me,my mom, my dad, and sister. I also have to make coffee for my parents. After I have to make sure I packed everything I need in my suitcase, and I hide my video games in my suitcase from my parents. Then I relax until everyone is ready and my mom finishes making are lunch. I have to pack the snacks to. Then me and my dad pack everything in the car. Then we go on are road trip.

Shaan

1/17/2017 01:51:08 pm

(Revised)

Getting ready for a trip.

First I take a shower and brush my teeth. Second I make breakfast for 4 people and that is me,my mom, my dad, and sister. Third I have to make coffee for my parents. Fourth I have to make sure I packed everything I need in my suitcase, and I hide my video games in my suitcase from my parents. Then I relax until everyone is ready and my mom finishes making are lunch. After I have to pack the snacks to. Then me and my dad pack everything in the car. Then we go on are road trip.

I think I was on topic and I didn't go off topic.

Jesse

1/17/2017 01:55:50 pm

@Shaan comma after transition words.

ben

1/17/2017 02:01:03 pm

@Shaan-You need a hook and to indent at the start of your paragraph

LOGAN

1/17/2017 02:01:09 pm

SHANN YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID I PACK THE SNACKS TOO NOT TO!

BUT I LIKE YOUR POST IT WAS GOOD!

Shaan

1/17/2017 02:02:25 pm

(Revised)

Getting ready for a trip.

First I take a shower and brush my teeth. Second I make breakfast for 4 people and that is me,my mom, my dad, and sister. Third I have to make coffee for my parents, Fourth I have to make sure I packed everything I need in my suitcase, and I hide my video games in my suitcase from my parents. Then I relax until everyone is ready and my mom finishes making are lunch. After I have to pack the snacks to, Then me and my dad pack everything in the car. Then we go on are road trip.

I think I was on topic and I didn't go off topic.

Shaan

1/17/2017 02:10:50 pm

(Revised)

Getting ready for a trip.

Panda..... Panda! Panda! Panda! Panda! Panda! As I hear my alarm goes. Her is what I do before I the trip. First I take a shower and brush my teeth. Second I make breakfast for 4 people and that is me,my mom, my dad, and sister. Third I have to make coffee for my parents, Fourth I have to make sure I packed everything I need in my suitcase, and I hide my video games in my suitcase from my parents. Then I relax until everyone is ready and my mom finishes making are lunch. After I have too pack the snacks to, Then me and my dad pack everything in the car. Then we go on are road trip.

I think I was on topic and I didn't go off topic.

Tamim

1/16/2017 10:31:28 pm

Befor I go on a trip my dad has to wake me up then I fall back a sleep a few times then I take a shower brush my teeth then I pack my bags cheek so I have every thing I need then I have to put it in front of the door then I have breakfast then when every body is ready to go down and start the car then wait for every one to come down then we usually go to max for snacks me and my sisters have to do that and rant is it. 💯

Jesse

1/17/2017 01:49:37 pm

@ Tamim you spelled before wrong.

DavidR

1/17/2017 01:51:27 pm

@Tamim-You wrote cheek instead of check.Also there is a spelling order.Rant is one of them

Tamim

1/17/2017 01:54:22 pm

Before i go on a trip my dad has to wake me up then i fall back a sleep a few times after that firstly i shower brush my teeth in the shower then i wear my cloths go eat breakfast make coffee if i am sleepy. second thing i do is pack my bags cheek a few times to make sure that i didn't forget any thing then i go put my bag in front of the door last thing i do is get the keys for the car and start it and out my dads songs that he likes and when we are on then way we buy snacks on the way

DavidR

1/17/2017 01:58:05 pm

@Tamim-It didn't make sense because when you said "After a few times after that firstly". That doesn't make sense.

tyler

1/17/2017 01:55:31 pm

tamim check ur spelling

tamim

1/17/2017 01:56:09 pm

thank you

tamim

1/17/2017 02:06:12 pm

Before i go on a trip firstly my dad has to wake me up then i fall back a sleep a few times after that i shower brush my teeth in the shower then i wear my cloths go eat breakfast make coffee if i am sleepy. second thing i do is pack my bags cheek a few times to make sure that i didn't forget any thing then i go put my bag in front of the door last thing i do is get the keys for the car and start it and out my dads songs that he likes and when we are on then way we buy snacks on the way

Tyler

1/16/2017 11:08:27 pm

Mr Hong do we have to calculate the area for the questions we already marked???

Mr. Hong

1/16/2017 11:20:04 pm

@ Tyler - Yes. By the way, you should be sleeping by now. Get to sleep. Sleep is more important than completing a few questions for me. Stay healthy.

Tyler

1/16/2017 11:16:50 pm

When I find out I'm going on a trip I pack right before bed so I don't forget things. I pack all my entertainment things for example my phone, iPad, Rubik's cubes, and a football. While I'm in the car or on a plane I love to listen to music either on the radio or on my phone. I also pack my essentials like my toothbrush, tooth paste, how ever many pairs of clothes I bring accordingly to how many days I'm staying, and my shampoo/soap. After I'm done packing I head to bed after my nighly routine. Then in the morning I check for all my things and make sure I have them all and I get dressed complete my morning routine then I head out the door with all my things and leave.

tyler

1/17/2017 01:44:29 pm

DavidR

1/17/2017 01:49:12 pm

@Tyler-Insteaad of writing entertainment things,you should write entertaining things.Also put a capital in your name.

Xaviery

1/17/2017 07:07:24 am

Before we go to a trip, we have to pack up things. I pack my art supplies first, then my books, then clothes and etc... When I pack things, I have too much things in my bag than my family. The rest of the family already packed up last night and I'm always the last one. My mom makes breakfast while I make coffee/tea/hot chocolate for the family. After we eat, we take a shower, brush our teeth, etc... After we're all done, we lock and leave the house. My dad is in charge of driving. And he knows the directions. When you let my mom drive uses her phone and ask Mr. Google for directions.

Shmil

1/17/2017 02:03:13 pm

@Xaviery - I like what you wrote, but make sure to add some transition words and a hook. Good job though!

Jesse

1/17/2017 02:09:05 pm

@ Xaviery where is your hook???

Xaviery

1/17/2017 02:12:40 pm

[Revised]

Usually my mom wakes me up early in the morning to get myself out of bed. The rest of the family already ate so I'm always the last one to eat and pack things up. After I eat, I take a shower, brush my teeth and get dressed (of course...). Whenever I finished all that, I pack my bag. I have to put my clothes, my books (so that I won't get bored in the car), art supplies, etc... After that, we lock the house and leave. My dad drives the car and we're gonna stop to a nearby store to buy snacks and such.

DavidR

1/17/2017 01:44:38 pm

When i wake up,I have to wake up my older brothers because they sleep late.After that i have to get ready and eat breakfast.We also have to bring snacks,lunches,and passports if we're going international.Then we have to pack up the car and then put the seat belts on.When we arrive to our destination,we unpack the car and get ready to have a fun vacation!!!!

Richard

1/17/2017 01:48:54 pm

Individually, you should write what you're mommy, daddy and brother's do.

Logan

1/17/2017 01:54:05 pm

@Davidr you should capitalize "I"

Tyler

1/17/2017 01:54:58 pm

not all of ur I's aren't capitalized

Richard. Have it you're way!

1/17/2017 01:56:56 pm

Deffine "Get Ready" when you said get ready you only added eat breakfast instead of putting on clothes. How do you get ready? Do you draw clothes? Do you go with no clothes?

DavidR

1/17/2017 02:05:04 pm

@Richard-When i wrote get ready it means get dressed...Didn't you know???

DavidR

1/17/2017 02:06:18 pm

Since its feedback ill put it in...

Richard

1/17/2017 02:07:26 pm

You could be getting ready for: swimming, the national food contest, ect. Getting ready does NOT only mean one fraze. Now if you'll exuse me, i need to beat a guy in tag.

Richard

1/17/2017 02:09:33 pm

Get retk. You can't give me any feedback for this one >:D

Logan

1/17/2017 02:11:36 pm

DAVID R U COULD BE GETTING READY FOR SKATING OR SWIMMING OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT!

DavidR

1/17/2017 02:11:02 pm

When I wake up,I wake up my older brothers because they sleep really late.After that I have to get dressed and eat breakfast.We also have to bring snacks,lunches,and bring the passports if we're going international.Then we have to pack the car and put the seat belts on because its the LAW.When we arrive to our destination,we unpack the car and get ready to have a fun vacation!!!!

Richard

1/17/2017 06:27:42 pm

What is this garbage. It doesn't say (Revised)

Dyamontae

1/17/2017 01:45:10 pm

self assessment:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i feel that I dont have any spelling errors in my paragraph, and that my grammar was fine but i do need to work on my punctuation when Im writing. my sentence structure was fine and in order but, i will have to add more transition words in any of my upcoming paragraphs

Logan LOL U GET SOME FEEDBACK BOI!

1/17/2017 01:57:34 pm

You should capitalize "I"

tyler (revised)

1/17/2017 01:46:47 pm

When I find out I'm going on a trip YEEEET i race to pack right before bed so I don't forget things. I pack all my entertainment things for example my phone, iPad, Rubik's cubes, and a football. While I'm in the car or on a plane I love to listen to music either on the radio or on my phone. I also pack my essentials like my toothbrush, tooth paste, how ever many pairs of clothes I bring accordingly to how many days I'm staying, and my shampoo/soap. After I'm done packing I head to bed after my nighly routine. Then in the morning I check for all my things and make sure I have them all and I get dressed complete my morning routine then I head out the door with all my things.

Jared

1/17/2017 01:49:59 pm

hey Tyler Jared here and here are a few things to help you improve this.
YEEEET? what does that mean or why is it they're?
Also you should've add more detail in your sentences since i believe you didn't add enough detail.

Jared

1/17/2017 01:46:59 pm

This is what i am going to do on Saturday since I am going somewhere.
VROOOM!!! As my dad steps on the gas for the rough morning we had getting ready to go on vacation. I wake up at 6:30 like any normal day excited that i am going to Vancouver island. i wake up my family so we can get ready to go. I take my shower and put on my cloths. i grab my things. [ 3ds, nerf gun, phone, ect] I play on my computer until my family is ready to go. We get our dog onto the leach, grab our things and head down to the car. I put on my seat belt and away we go.
This is what i will do on Saturday
:D
I believe I stayed on topic but I also think i wandered off a little bit.

Jared [why do you do this to me?]

1/17/2017 02:01:42 pm

tamim

1/17/2017 02:02:13 pm

@jared you stayed on topic your post was good good job

LOGAN

1/17/2017 02:04:09 pm

If you think you went off topic you should try to stay on topic!

Jacob

1/17/2017 02:07:54 pm

att a few spot you diden't make some of these cap---. ''i''

Jared [REVISED!] [capital mistakes = revise]

1/17/2017 02:11:47 pm

This is what i am going to do on Saturday since I am going somewhere.
VROOOM!!! As my dad steps on the gas for the rough morning we had getting ready to go on vacation. I wake up at 6:30 like any normal day excited that I am going to Vancouver island. I wake up my family so we can get ready to go. I take my shower and put on my cloths. I grab my things. [ 3ds, nerf gun, phone, ect] I play on my computer until my family is ready to go. We get our dog onto the leach, grab our things and head down to the car. I put on my seat belt and away we go.
This is what i will do on Saturday
:D
I believe I stayed on topic but I also think i wandered off a little bit.

Jesse

1/17/2017 01:47:48 pm

When I wake up , I make tea for my dad. After, that I ask my parents, if I can bring what I want. When that is all organized, we all go to the washroom before we leave. I am the navigator in the family, so I have to lead the family.

ben

1/17/2017 01:54:58 pm

@Jesse-You don't have a hook, indent, and the paragraph is to short even though it's not a paragraph.

DavidR

1/17/2017 01:55:05 pm

@Jesse-You don't need a comma after i ask my parents because you have to continue it.Also you can write a bit more.

Logan

1/17/2017 01:49:27 pm

"DING DING DING" my alarm clock rang to wake me up. It was time to go to Hawaii! I was getting ready very quickly,while my dad was getting the car packed. When I was done getting ready I was done I helped my dad pack the car. When that was done I got snacks for my sister and I. Finally we were on our way!

Avy

1/17/2017 02:01:57 pm

Your P.A.R is good but I think you should add more to it and add some transition words

Avy

1/17/2017 01:50:18 pm

When my family goes on a trip this is what we do to get ready,i wake up and take a shower after that i do my hair and try to wake my brother and sister up, then i go to eat breakfast with my mom and dad,if i eat my breakfast fast then i will help my dad pack the suitcases, finally we go to a store to get some candy and drinks.

Mr. Hong

1/17/2017 01:58:58 pm

@ Avy - Try to use some transition words and add a hook to your paragraph.

ben

1/17/2017 01:51:47 pm

Ring-Ring-Ring-Ring. Before I leave for a trip I pack before the day we leave. The next day we wake up before 7:00 and get changed, after we put the suitcase into the car. Then I try to get in the front which I never succeed in because my sister is always taking it. When we get there I help take out the suitcase and bring it inside the airport.

I think I have stayed on topic.

Tyler

1/17/2017 01:53:33 pm

When I find out I'm going on a trip YEEEET i race to pack right before bed so I don't forget things. I pack all my entertaining things for example my phone, iPad, Rubik's cubes, and a football. While I'm in the car or on a plane I love to listen to music either on the radio or on my phone. I also pack my essentials like my toothbrush, tooth paste, how ever many pairs of clothes I bring accordingly to how many days I'm staying, and my shampoo/soap. After I'm done packing I head to bed after my nightly routine. Then in the morning I check for all my things and make sure I have them all and I get dressed complete my morning routine then I head out the door with all my things.

Jesse

1/17/2017 01:53:56 pm

dyamontae

1/17/2017 01:54:05 pm

REVISED BRO|
---------------------|
When i go on vacation I have to wake up early an get ready. I have to get all suitcases downstairs. my mom calls a taxi or friend to pick us up. I eat a snack before I leave, because the food is expensive at the airport. I make sure we have everything to leave so we don't forget anything important at home. We wait outside for our ride,I pack the car on arrival and then, we are off to the airport.

ive stayed on topic again like always !!!!!!

Amiracle

1/17/2017 01:59:51 pm

Dyamonte you forgot to period on your revised peragraph

richard

1/17/2017 02:00:19 pm

you spelled boi wrong...

Amiracle

1/17/2017 01:54:30 pm

When i usually go on a vacation i have to get up early and get ready and eat BFast. Then i get the suitcases and my parents would call an uber or a taxi. Then my mmom would drive us to to the airport and we would do the security stuff and we would put the sutecases at the scanner thing and we would go to the plane and when were there my mom would call an uber or a taxi

Jesse

1/17/2017 02:01:51 pm

@Amir "I" needs to be capitalized.

Jesse

1/17/2017 02:06:38 pm

@ Amir where is your hook?

Amiracle

1/17/2017 02:08:11 pm

(Revised)
When i usually go on a vacation I have to get up early and get ready and eat BFast. Then I get the suitcases and my parents would call an uber or a taxi. Then my mom would drive us to to the airport and we would do the security stuff. Then we would put the suitcases at the scanner thing and we would go to the plane. And when were there my Mom would call an uber or a taxi to take us to the hotel.

Ashley

1/17/2017 01:54:38 pm

"Wake up!" My mom woke me up early in the morning to get ready for a road trip to Kimberley, BC. I rushed out of bed and ran in the bathroom to take a shower, brush my teeth and hair. After my shower, I went in my room and got dressed, I chose a Stylish look because i was seeing my grandma and i wanted to look nice. After i got dressed, I packed my bags and rushed to the car to stuff them into the trunk. My sisters, Stephanie and Kylie needed to pack there bags too. Stephanie's bag was HUGE! I needed to put my bag somewhere else in the car. I ran back inside because it was cold, i went in my room and got my blankets and pillows because we would be stuck in a car for 12 hours straight. When we arrived, i ran and hugged my grandma and grandpa.

Ashley

1/17/2017 01:58:39 pm

Pi = π

Elenoa

1/17/2017 02:12:20 pm

@ Ashley - lol we did the same hook. lol I can change mine if you want!

Shaan

1/17/2017 01:56:27 pm

Good job Ben you did really good on your post, But you could improve by putting the comma by because.

ben

1/17/2017 01:56:42 pm

Ring-Ring-Ring-Ring. Before I leave for a trip I pack before the day we leave. The next day we wake up before 7:00 and get changed, after we put the suitcase into the car. Then I try to get in the front which I never succeed in, because my sister is always taking it. When we get there I help take out the suitcase and bring it inside the airport.

I think I have stayed on topic.

Ashley

1/17/2017 02:03:06 pm

@ Ben- is there a phone ringing? you didn't explain the phone anywhere. Where are the transition words? i can relate to the fight of the front seat.

Jesse

1/17/2017 02:04:16 pm

@ Ben comma after transition words.

Ozem

1/17/2017 01:57:18 pm

BEEP! My alarm went on and woke me up. Just as I walked to go to the washroom I realized that today was the day that we were going to Los Angeles. I rushed through the things people always do in the morning like taking a shower, brushing teeth, and eating breakfast. After all of that we started to double check our bags to see if we have the right stuff, then we rushed off to the airport to catch our flight. Once we got into the airplane we scurried along to our airplane seats as the airplane was filling up on gas. Once we started lifting off we were ready for some fun.

ben

1/17/2017 02:03:27 pm

@Ozem-Indent in the front of your paragraph.

Ozem

1/17/2017 02:05:16 pm

ok ben
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Ozem

1/17/2017 02:06:49 pm

Ozem

1/17/2017 02:07:59 pm

Ozem

1/17/2017 02:10:00 pm

*INDENT* BEEP! My alarm went on and woke me up. Just as I walked to go to the washroom I realized that today was the day that we were going to Los Angeles. I rushed through the things people always do in the morning like taking a shower, brushing teeth, and eating breakfast. After all of that we started to double check our bags to see if we have the right stuff, then we rushed off to the airport to catch our flight. Once we got into the airplane we scurried along to our airplane seats as the airplane was filling up on gas. Once we started lifting off we were ready for some fun.

Jesse

1/17/2017 01:58:00 pm

(Revised) Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr................When I wake up , I make tea for my dad. After, that I ask my parents, if I can bring what I want. When that is all organized, we all go to the washroom before we leave. I am the navigator in the family, so I have to lead the family.

Shmil

1/17/2017 02:07:18 pm

@Jesse - I like the hook and the story, but maybe add some transition words. Good job though!

Avy

1/17/2017 01:58:11 pm

When my family goes on a trip this is what we do to get ready,I wake up and take a shower after that I do my hair and try to wake my brother and sister up, then I go to eat breakfast with my mom and dad,if I eat my breakfast fast then I will help my dad pack the suitcases, finally we go to a store to get some candy and drinks.

DavidR

1/17/2017 02:01:37 pm

@Avy-When you said "If i eat my breakfast fast then i help my dad pick suitcases".Instead you should write "If i finish my breakfast fast then i can help my dad pack the suitcases".

Jesse

1/17/2017 01:59:58 pm

(Revised) Rrrrrrrriiiiiiinnnnnnnngggggg...........,when I wake up , I make tea for my dad. After, that I ask my parents, if I can bring what I want. When that is all organized, we all go to the washroom before we leave. I am the navigator in the family, so I have to lead the family.

Dyamontae

1/17/2017 02:01:56 pm

@Jaci a.k.a Dotta

your paragraph has a good hook but you kind of drifted off in the middle of the paragraph saying you talk in the car and bring phones to entertain yourselves lololol and you can try to make your paragraph a bit longer and say what you do to get ready for the trip a little bit more detailed .

Shmil

1/17/2017 02:08:28 pm

@Dyamontae - You should've replied to Jaci XD

Ozem

1/17/2017 02:02:51 pm

Jacob

1/17/2017 02:03:20 pm

Ok Time To Get Packing!!!....
Today my Mom and I are going to my Cousions in the States.
So I wake me my mom and we start packing I packed all my my things and my mom did all of her stuff i brought all of my favourite things like my ipad 3ds clothing tooth brush and some Amiracan money. After a While of Packing we start to move all of our stuff in to the car we just putt all of our stuff in the car and make it fit. So We start to putt all of our stuff in the car and we stuff it in until it fits. After that wich took around 20mins. After that we hit the road and we head to the USA!!!

AVY(Revised)

1/17/2017 02:04:16 pm

BEEP,BEEP,BEEP!When my family goes on a trip this is what we do to get ready,I wake up and take a shower after that I do my hair and try to wake my brother and sister up, then I go to eat breakfast with my mom and dad,if I eat my breakfast fast then I will help my dad pack the suitcases, finally we go to a store to get some candy and drinks.

Dyamontae

1/17/2017 02:05:50 pm

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Reply
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( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

1/17/2017 02:12:00 pm

@Dyamontae
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

DYAMONATE

1/17/2017 02:07:37 pm

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLL HEHE HI TEEHEE

Elenoa

1/17/2017 02:08:43 pm

~My routine for trips~

"Wake up!! Elenoa get up!" said my mom. My mom usually makes breakfast for us. After I get cleaned up . Like, Brush my teeth and hair,have a shower ect.. after I am done all that I help my little brother with anything he needs.Then I double check my bags and carry on's to see if I forgot everything. After I help my parents pack the car so we don't have to do it later on.By then, we should be ready to take off.Before we leave I grab water and a snack for the ride to the airport.Then we drive off .

Ozem

1/17/2017 02:08:58 pm

ben

1/17/2017 02:09:54 pm

(Revised)

Ring-Ring-Ring-Ring. My phone wakes me up with a alarm, before I leave for a trip I pack before the day we leave. The next day, we wake up before 7:00 and get changed, after we put the suitcase into the car. Then, I try to get in the front, which I never succeed in, because my sister is always taking it. When we get there, I help take out the suitcase and bring it inside the airport.

I think I have stayed on topic.

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

1/17/2017 02:10:45 pm

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)()(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)(

ben

1/17/2017 02:11:55 pm

ali

1/17/2017 02:12:48 pm

I wake umps sisters at 7:00 AM to go on a road trip. We got ready before the day we go on the road trip. We eat then we pack the car. We drive to the spot that we are going to. When we get there we unpack the car and set up and fave fun with the family.

Elenoa

1/17/2017 02:15:30 pm

@ Ali - You should put a little more effort. You did good , but you need to self monitor your work.

(- _ -)

1/17/2017 02:14:52 pm

(- _ -)

Conner

1/17/2017 02:23:11 pm

When i went to Kamloops for my grandpas birthday I had to get ready I have to wake my brother up pack my bag help load every thing to the car help my mom and dad get my family get ready. Help pack my brother pack his bag get in the car drive to the place we have to go get every thing out of the car put in the bedroom were staying we have to go downstairs for the birthday before we went to the birthday we went swimming at the hotel we stayed at.

Jasmine

1/17/2017 06:55:47 pm

I do not know what the par is lol

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