THURSDAY: BUILDING PARAGRAPHS

10/17/2013

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Today, I stood back in amazement as all of my students diligently worked on their writing assignments. We continued working on organizing and building paragraphs today. As a teacher, it makes me proud to see my students learning and enjoying it at the same time! To quote Sean, he said, "I completed all three paragraphs because I enjoy writing when I have the choice of what I can write about!" Not only did the students write their own paragraphs, they also read their neighbours paragraphs to ensure they were following the criteria and also gave them one thing they should improve in their writing.

1.) MATH 6: Pg 80 Qu.2, 4, and 5. Pg 84 2a, 3, 4, 5, and 6. Due for Monday. Watch this video on prime factorization.
MATH 7: Any assigned work.

3.) POST A RESPONSE:

Write a paragraph and be sure to answer the following questions:

I.) Why did (insert student's first name - do not include last names) feel so happy to be at
school?
II.) What was the cause of this change that led him/her to feel happier at school?
III.) How has this incident/cause changed his/her perspective or view of school?

Remember to include: An inviting lead/hook and 'TOPIC SENTENCE", answers to the questions above (Supporting sentences - examples, quotes, statistics, etc), and a concluding sentence.
Be sure to use transition words. This is a great list that you can use!
Ask 2 students quality questions about their paragraphs.
Give 2 students positive comments!
Don't forget your digital citizenship and the R.O.L.E.S. when posting. Be respectful at all times!

VIDEO LINKS:
Using Transition Words

Lio

10/17/2013 08:55:43 am

FIRST

:io

10/17/2013 09:05:31 am

On the first day of school, Leroy got pushed into the girl's washroom. Some kid named Gregory took a video and uploaded it onto FaceNote. He then told his mom and the word got sent to the principal, Mr. Harybottom. Mr. Harybottom was furious. He expelled Gregory and Leroy now comes to school with a smile on his face. He also doesn't have to worry about getting bullied.

@ Mr. Hong - Some parts of the post does not make sense.

Ichigo

10/17/2013 09:25:34 am

Good job Lio. Have you learned anything about building paragraphs today?

Lio

10/17/2013 10:47:22 am

Yes! I will revise my work after soccer practice with transitions and other details.

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 11:30:21 am

@ Lio - Check out the list of transition words that was posted on today's post. It has a lot of great ones that you could definitely use in your revised post! :)

Lio

10/17/2013 01:29:09 pm

To begin with, on the first day of school, Leroy got pushed into the girl's washroom. As a result to, some kid named Gregory took a video and uploaded it onto FaceNote. That lead to Leroy telling the situation to his mom and then the word got sent to the principal, Mr. Harybottom. Therefore, Mr. Harybottom was furious, he expelled Gregory and Leroy now comes to school with a smile on his face. And finally, he doesn't have to worry about getting bullied.

Lio

10/17/2013 01:30:11 pm

Revised*

Yogi Bear

10/17/2013 01:53:57 pm

@Lio

I like how you added more transition words in your revised post. :-]

Lio

10/17/2013 02:02:17 pm

Thanks. I'm feeling a little bit to addicted to Mr. Hong's website.

Pancake

10/17/2013 02:10:51 pm

Maybe put some more transition words in there.

Yogi Bear

10/17/2013 09:04:06 am

SECOND!!!!!

Lio

10/17/2013 09:05:57 am

Good game.

Ichigo

10/17/2013 09:10:44 am

3rd

Yogi Bear

10/17/2013 09:12:54 am

@Mr.Hong

I don't undertand what you are asking us to do for the paragraph. Is the student sad, then happy, then sad again? It seems like the last two questions are asking the same thing.

Icestone

10/17/2013 10:57:15 am

Yah Mr. Hong I really don't get it.

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 11:34:25 am

@ Yogi Bear - It is almost identical to the paragraph activity you completed in class today.

1.) Why did a student feel happy at school today?
2.) What was the cause of this happiness at school?
3.) How has this incident/cause changed this student's perspective or view of school? Is this student going to be happier?

Gamer

10/17/2013 09:16:25 am

James was sad be case his old cat got very sick and now he worried his cat would have to be put down and he feels sad because he could lose his pet that has be with him for 11 years and now he has to get a new cat

Ichigo (James)

10/17/2013 09:18:08 am

How do you know it wasn't 12... HMMMMMM

Ichigo

10/17/2013 09:19:52 am

I like your choice of name a lot, and the paragraph was good, but you didn't say anything about the school.

Gamer

10/17/2013 09:32:53 am

It is the name of my brother

Ichigo

10/17/2013 09:35:35 am

oh yeah. I knew that.

Icestone

10/17/2013 10:58:16 am

LAWLZ

Lio

10/17/2013 11:02:30 am

@ IceStone - That isn't appropriate.

Lio

10/17/2013 11:06:36 am

@ Gamer - I think that you should add some periods in your sentences because they look like all run -on sentences.

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 11:23:44 am

@ Lio/Gamer - Great suggestion Lio! Punctuation is very important! :-)

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 11:22:52 am

@ Gamer - Please re-read the criteria for this assignment and double check what is required. Also, be sure to click on the list of transition words so you can insert some into your revised post. :-)

ATV BOY

10/17/2013 01:14:05 pm

Good job on your post but you do need to work on your punctuation and transition words.

Yogi Bear

10/17/2013 02:03:23 pm

@gamer

How exactly is this related to school?

Ichigo

10/17/2013 09:17:10 am

Bob was sad because a kid in his class was purposely knocking over Bob's desk every day and Bob had to reorganize it. Mr.Teacher noticed this and thought of how rude this was and sent him to the office. That being, Bob's desk was never pushed over again and Bob was always happy to come to school.

@Mr.Hong- You spelled this wrong on the post. THSI. And it was kind of hard to understand the post

Lio

10/17/2013 10:52:16 am

This is a coincidence of what happens with you and SpongeBoB

cookielover

10/17/2013 12:45:51 pm

Wow good post! How did you think of that idea?

princesa

10/17/2013 09:54:10 am

Billy was sad ever day because he thought school was point less. But one day when he got the choice on what to learn. Now when he goes to school he is happy because he can choose what to learn.

Lio

10/17/2013 10:53:23 am

@ princesa - I think you can still make some edits and add more details to your paragraph. But good jobm.

butterflypuppy

10/17/2013 09:56:41 am

Jessie was so happy to go to school for her first day because she met a new best friend named Cindy. Cindy was very mean the next day because she dumped Jessie as a best friend for another new best friend names Chloe. Chloe did not even know she took someone place as a best friend so the all talk together and worked it out and were all very good friend and Jessie was happy and excited to go to school.

@Mr.Hong I am still not shur on how to do quotes

Lio

10/17/2013 11:02:02 am

@ butterflypuppy - Your story has a good moral but you do have some spelling mistakes. Also for the quotes, search some on Google and copy and paste it.

Pancake

10/17/2013 02:12:30 pm

Good job, the sentence are very detailed.

Fish sticks

10/17/2013 10:08:22 am

@ Mr.Hong- are we suppose to use a student in our class or a made up one because you said do not include their last name?

Lio

10/17/2013 11:04:46 am

I thinks it's alright for any name ._.

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 11:11:25 am

@ Fish sticks - It is totally up to you. Just don't use any last names.

theoverseeker link

10/17/2013 10:20:13 am

josiph was sad because his big brother Josh keeps bulling him around near his friends telling them stuff he did not do therefore he does not have as much friends now because of him. luckily one of his friends who did believe Josiph told a adult about his behaviour. and from that day forward he was not picked on by his brother and came to school with a new fresh smile on his face.

Lio

10/17/2013 11:03:44 am

@ theoverseeker - Good job on capitalizing the names. Just a little heads -up, Joseph is with an e. Remember to always start your sentences with a capital and you'll be good.

ATV BOY

10/17/2013 01:23:43 pm

Good job but you need to put a capital on the first sentence and some more transition words.

Pancake

10/17/2013 02:08:58 pm

@ The over seeker maybe re-read the criteria the first question is different.

Lio

10/17/2013 10:44:35 am

@ Mr. Hong - Who won the 100WC?!

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 11:13:31 am

@ Everyone - The winner will be announced this evening!

Lio

10/17/2013 01:33:59 pm

Now?

tarantula

10/17/2013 11:07:49 am

Matt was having a bad Monday why? because Mondays suck but little did he know today was going to be the best day of his life. a Matt slumped out of his bed and though his clothes on his body and slowy dragged himself to school only to find out that they had a surprised FREE field trip to where PLAYYY LANDDD!!! now Matt was the happiest kid in the world.

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 11:24:55 am

@ Tarantula - Remember what we agreed on the other day? ;-) Re-read your post and edit/revise. :-)

Teddy Bear

10/17/2013 11:31:01 am

Jen was sad because she fall down when everyone saw her.Every one giggled. So she was sad. In mathclass, she got a 100in her math test.Everyone clap to her. Now she is very happy.

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 11:39:42 am

@ Teddy Bear - Great paragraph! Now, I'd like you to click on the list of transition words and add one to the beginning of all of your sentences! :-) You're off to a great start!

Icestone

10/17/2013 12:54:22 pm

@ Teddy Bear - Great job!

Pancake

10/17/2013 12:03:16 pm

@Mr.Hong
It says why did the person feel happy but everyone is writing about sad I am confused?

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 12:04:41 pm

@ Pancake - Some students haven't read the questions carefully. Simply read the instructions and post your response. :-) You're 100% correct in your observations and I'm happy to hear that you've read everyone's post!

Spongebob

10/17/2013 12:39:01 pm

Jimmy was sad because every day a kid would purposely throw a football at his head, he would have marks and bleed sometimes. One day he had had enough and told the proncipal. The principal Mr. Man decided to suspend that kid, and Jimmy always walked to school happy after that.

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 02:29:49 pm

@ Spongebob - One thing that I have noticed in your writes over the last few days is you need to either separate some of your ideas into separate sentences or use conjunctions to join separate ideas. Does this make sense? Let me know if you need help with this. :-)

cookielover

10/17/2013 01:05:31 pm

Tom was sad because his ipod broke. But one morning a small box was on the table and their was a ipod in that box! Now when he goes to school he's not laughed at because his ipod broke.

cookielover

10/17/2013 01:48:29 pm

REVISED:
CRASH! Toms ipod fell and broke in 2. Tom was mad an sad that his ipod broke. Tom was made fun at school because his ipod broke. but one day a new box was on the table and inside was a shiny new ipod! So now when Tom goes to school he wont be made of and was ready to go!

Yogi Bear

10/17/2013 01:58:46 pm

@cookielover

I like how you made your paragraph more descriptive in your revised post. :)

Yogi Bear

10/17/2013 02:01:22 pm

How did everyone know that his Ipod was broken? Did he tell them? Who got him a shiny new iPod?

Lio

10/17/2013 02:06:09 pm

Did Tom steal the iPod? >-<

ATV BOY

10/17/2013 01:07:48 pm

Joe was not happy when ever he went to school because he did not get to do what he wanted when it was time to go for reccess because everyone would push and bully him around. But one day he got a note from the principal after he told him about what he was being treated like and so the principal took the kids and suspended them. Now Joe is the happiest kid around and can do what he likes at reccess.

Icestone link

10/17/2013 01:26:26 pm

Maven walked slowly to school today. She was scared that when she came to school she would turn into a potato. The reason she thought this is that there was a spell casted on her the night before. It said that today she would turn into a potato at recess. When recess arrived, Maven crept outside. Everyone was gathered in a big crowd in the middle of the field. Maven rushed over and immediately skidded to a halt. There, inside the circle of kids was a genie. He was glancing round and round, obviously looking for something. He searched the crowd, round and round, until he came to Maven. "You!" he shouted. "Come forward. And do not be scared." All eyes went to her, and she slowly put one foot in front of the other, her legs wriggling like jello. "Y-yes?" she sputtered. "Do not be afraid." the genie repeated. "I have come here to save you. You have heard of the spell, have you not?" Maven shuffled her feet. "Yes..." She began to relax, realizing that he was here to cancel the deadly potato spell. "I have come to help you. Stand back. And please, do not worry. It will all be over in a moment." Everyone stepped back. "By the powers of my ancestors," he began, "I now cancel the deadly potato spell cast on this young student. Ancestors, do I have your approval?" Everyone looked up, where a shape was forming. Purple light turned to blue, then light yellow-green. Then a thin whisper: "... We approve..." All the kids gasped, including Maven. "I now cancel the spell!" Then darkness flooded Maven's thoughts, and visions of starry skies, then baked potatoes, people all bowing before her. It all could have lasted nine lifetimes or a single heartbeat. Then it was gone, the genie was gone, the whispers were gone, and Maven's worries were gone. She felt as light as air, and she felt happy the rest of the day.

Icestone link

10/17/2013 01:27:05 pm

Sorry it's so long! :D :P

Lio

10/17/2013 01:33:18 pm

@ IceStone - I think that you could throw some transitions in your paragraph and also maybe make a TINY bit more realistic.

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 02:28:50 pm

@ Icestone - Very creative! I like your ideas and you used your quotations correctly along with your punctuation! :-) You used some excellent adjectives! Your paragraph created awesome images!

Icestone

10/17/2013 03:12:04 pm

Thank you Mr. Hong! Please read my revised version, where I added some transition words and phrases, and hopefully made it better. :)

Icestone

10/17/2013 03:10:20 pm

REVISED:

The Deadly Potato Spell

Mae walked slowly to school. She was afraid that when she got to school she would turn into a potato. She thought this because a spell was cast on her the night before. It said that today she would turn into a potato at recess. When recess arrived, Mae crept outside. Everyone was gathered in a big crowd in the middle of the field. Mae rushed over and immediately skidded to a halt. There, inside the circle of kids, was a genie. He was glancing round and round, obviously looking for something. He searched the crowd until he came to Mae. "You!" he shouted. "Come forward. Do not be scared." All eyes went to her, and she slowly put one foot in front of the other, her legs wriggling like jello. "Y-yes?" she sputtered. "Do not be afraid." the genie repeated. "I have come here to save you. You have heard of the spell, have you not?" Mae shuffled her feet. "Yes..." She began to relax, realizing that he was here to cancel the deadly potato spell. "I have come to help you. Stand back. And please, do not worry. It will all be over in a moment." Everyone stepped back. "By the powers of my ancestors," he began, "I now cancel the deadly potato spell cast on this young student. Ancestors, do I have your approval?" Everyone looked up, where a shape was forming. Purple light turned to blue, then yellow, and green. At last, a thin whisper drifted through the light breeze: "... We approve..." All the kids gasped, including Mae. "I now cancel the spell!" Suddenly, darkness flooded Mae's thoughts, gradually becoming visions of starry skies, baked potatoes, people all bowing before her. It all could have lasted nine lifetimes or a single heartbeat, she wasn't sure. At last, it was gone, the genie was gone, the whispers were gone, and Mae's worries were gone. She felt as light as air, and all in all, she felt happy the rest of the day.

Gaia

10/17/2013 01:40:23 pm

billy bob joe junior was really happy to be at school because there was no math and school party's everyday besides monday. The reason this happend is the principal said if every one behaved that's how it would be.It made his perspective of school all lot better because the party's were very fun

Lio

10/17/2013 01:46:41 pm

@ Gaia - Remeber your punctuation and capitals.

Icestone

10/17/2013 03:16:59 pm

@ Gaia - Great job, I wish we could have parties every day! Although, you should remember to always capitalize the first letter of the sentence. :)

Oracle

10/17/2013 01:45:49 pm

That day when John went to school he'd always get bullied by Leroy. He'd be getting bullied as a result of having mud all over his hair, being hit by the dodge ball first, shoving him into a locker, and by dumping his lunch on his head. Therefore he had spread the word like a flu to his parents and over to his teachers. As the principal heard he had a major discussion. Yet, Leroy said he was innocent and he hasn't done that to him. John had told his parents and they told the principal as he said "Leroy is a good person. He said he hasn't done that to young John.". Unlikely, Johns parents confronted him and they had a discussion with John along with Leroy. They were dismissed for further notice until they go along and play with each other. Finally, they went and played together as they were happy school buddies.

Lio

10/17/2013 02:04:12 pm

Now LEROY'S the bully?

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 02:25:22 pm

@ Oracle - See if you can use a different transition word in place of 'Therefore'. I think that you can find one that works better. :-)

Yogi Bear :-]

10/17/2013 01:47:00 pm

Timmy was not very happy to go to school. Why? First of all, there is a bully named Joe that pushes Timmy and calls him names. As a result, Timmy was so mad. So he told teacher and his teacher suspended Joe for a month. Now, Timmy comes to school happy and worry-free because Joe will not be at school for a month.

Lio

10/17/2013 02:05:02 pm

Good job on your transitions.

Pancake

10/17/2013 02:14:41 pm

Good job lots of transition words.

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 02:24:13 pm

@ Yogi Bear - Good work using the link that I provided on today's post! You used the transition word list to write your paragraph! WELL DONE!

Yogi Bear

10/18/2013 12:22:35 am

I didn't use the link I thought of them all myself.

Pancake

10/17/2013 02:05:43 pm

Jim was very happy on his way to school because he got a new sweater vest with kitties on it. Happily he found a 100 dollar bill in the cafeteria. Then a mean girl named Lucy pored ketchup on his new sweater vest with kitties on it and stole his 100 dollar bill. Know he walked home with a big frown on his face.

Mr. Hong link

10/17/2013 02:23:24 pm

@ Pancake - From what I hear, sweater vests are in fashion right now! Jim is a very lucky boy! One thing that you could fix is to put a comma after the transition words that starts your sentences.

SwaggerPuffBoy

10/17/2013 02:30:56 pm

Melinda loves furniture. She has way to many. All her bills she spends on is furniture. People thought she was crazy so she was very sad. Melinda had a garage sale and sold 101 furniture it was amazing she earned $6045. She bought even more furniture people tried to stop her from buying. But she never would. Her neighbours were going to steel her furniture. But Melinda put traps around her house. The traps were not very good because the traps were furniture. So people thought we shouldn't steal or we can go to jail. Lets not do this. Melinda heard them say that so she.... Still buys furniture. By SPB

Icestone

10/17/2013 03:21:22 pm

@ SPB - Great work, but remember to use the right kind of "to" at the start of the paragraph! Hint: "She has way TOO many." In addition, maybe you should say "101 pieces of furniture" instead of "101 furniture". It's not part of the criteria or anything, it's just me being picky. :) Still, good job!

Juliette

10/18/2013 01:13:27 am

Great story but there is a few grammar and punctuation mistakes. But other then that great story it is very creative.

cloud barston

10/17/2013 02:54:42 pm

Sean felt happy to be at school be at school because he loved to learn. then, suddenly, BLAMM!!!!! just kidding. one foggy morning he came to school. it didn't seem right it was a normal school day but none of the other classes had students lined up it go inside. but I courriosly continued walking. when I came to the class there was nobody there. where wher they? was there a pro d day? there where so many questions. I didn't know what was happening. I sat in front of the class thinking. how could this be possible? wait aha! someone who could help. it was someone riding their bike. hey!hey! over here! no answer. he jist rode away as if he couldn't hear me. hey! wake up your brother needs to go to school in15 minuites! thump! I fall out of bed. eat my cerial then after my dad droped my brother of at school I jumped out of the car. if that was not a dream I don't know what I would do.

Juliette

10/18/2013 01:11:23 am

Great Story!!!!
It is very interesting twist at the end great job. One thing that you could work on is your spelling but other then that good job

Juliette

10/18/2013 01:10:10 am

April was happy to be at school because her trusty sidekick mariko was going to be there. Before school Mariko wasn't there so April thought maybe she is just late. after an hour of waiting April started wondering if maybe Marikos baby brother ate her or maybe she was sick. Later that day she remembered it was we day therefore, that was the reason why mariko wasn't there.

destiny1445

10/18/2013 01:14:18 am

Sarah felt happy when she went to school.
Her mom packed chocolate everyday but this time her mom packed 2 chocolate bars 4 mini packs of sour gummies and 6 rolls of sushi.
now Sarah felt amazing!

Bobby Orr link

10/18/2013 01:15:15 am

Geaorge always came to school with a huge frown on his face. I asked why he was so sad when he came to school the he said. Firstly, All the people on the football team keep making fun of me cause im a geek Lastly, My mom always walks me to school and everyone makes fun of me for that. So that is why George is so upset when ever he comes to school. So the next day I saw george walk through the school doors with the biggest smile on his face. So I asked him why he is so happy he said. Well I talked to my mom and she is letting me walk to school on my own, and I talked to the football team and I gave them all some tips about math. So they like me now and that is why I come to school happy and with a smile.

Condie

10/18/2013 01:43:22 am

Jennifer was always happy coming to school because they had buddies almost everyday. Her buddy was always excited to see her and whenever she could she would try to hang out with him. On that day when she had buddies they made pumpkins and her buddy was so creative that she made one of the best pumpkins she could.

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THURSDAY: BUILDING PARAGRAPHS

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