TUESDAY: Body Paragraphs

3/31/2015

Our Class Entrepreneur #buylowsellhigh

Today, Mr. Hong modelled how to write a body paragraph according to the criteria the students have been using since term 1. The students are experts in what goes into a quality body paragraph when writing a standard 5 paragraph essay. They know they must include a topic sentence , 3 supporting points (each supporting point must have a few sentences explaining each point), and a concluding sentence. They were surprised to see that when you complete each section of your body paragraph separately, it all comes together quite smoothly. Click here to review the body paragraph that you created as a class today.

1.) LA/SPEECH FEST:

Complete your draft of your body paragraphs on your Google document. Transfer your points from your skeleton over to your shared document.
Click here to review the body paragraph the class created as a group.
Be prepared to meet with Mr. Hong tomorrow to conference about your writing.

2.) MATH 6: Complete review worksheet and study for your MATH test (Thursday)
MATH 7: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5yCOSHeYn4

Unit test tomorrow. Memorize all your formulas because you will not be given these tomorrow.
If you have any questions, please post them here.

3.) POST A RESPONSE:

Copy and paste your 3 body paragraphs (draft) here only after you have completed writing them.
This must be according to the criteria from class today (Transition word and topic sentence, 3 supporting points and explanations, concluding sentences)
Give 2 students at least 1 suggestion to improve each of their paragraphs. Be very specific what you think they should do to improve their body paragraphs.
Respond to any comments/suggestions.
Edit/revise your paragraphs based on the suggestions. Then, copy and paste your revised edition from the class website over to your Google Document so you have it ready to work on in class tomorrow.

VIDEO LINKS:
A Message from Kid President

Azbo

3/31/2015 08:54:32 am

Nice job Shahmeer ;-)

Goofy

4/1/2015 05:51:27 am

Thanks

batman

3/31/2015 09:09:56 am

Paragraph #1 -

opening sentence
Firstly, I’m here to talk about how global warming affects animals.

Quote
Some people call it global warming; some people call it climate change. What is the difference? by Frank Luntz. I chose this quote because… Brainyquote is a reliable source and it give quotes about topics you need

Fact
Studies show that 22,000 polar bears would decrease by 2050 this is important because they are just dieing when we could help them.
Example
Polar bears are decreasing because the snow and ice is melting from the heat.
Paragraph #2 -

opening sentence
Secondly, I’m going talk about how global warming affects people
Quote
Global warming is real - it is man-made and it is an important problem. But it is not the end of the world. by Bjorn Lomborg
fact
If a heat wave killed 70,000 people in 2003 imagine what it would be like in the future.
Example
A Heat wave would increase because of the temperature rising.
Paragraph #3 -

opening sentence
Lastly, I’m going to talk about how global warming affects the planet.
Fact
The earth's temperature has increased by one degree imagine 25 years later
Quote
Global warming is not a conqueror to kneel before - but a challenge to rise to. A challenge we must rise to. by Joe Lieberman
Example
global warming is a big deal on the planet to warm it up.

Mr. Hong link

3/31/2015 12:48:30 pm

@ Batman - Please explain each of your supporting sentences. Remember, you should have about 3 supporting points in each of your body paragraphs, but you need to explain each of these supporting points in more detail. Explain what your points mean.

Cookielover

4/1/2015 02:04:30 am

don't get set up of post.

Azbo

3/31/2015 10:02:50 am

@Mr. Hong - I was typing out my essay then all of a sudden everything deleted like now I have nothing and it shows, "sho" in a big font and I cannot get it to go back do you know how I can restore it because I had 4 paragraphs done. I checked the revision history but it goes back and shows everything in a green color crossed out. Please help if you know how thanks.

Mr. Hong

3/31/2015 10:10:39 am

@Azbo - The revision history will work. Try again. Don't worry.

Azbo

3/31/2015 10:16:58 am

Ok.

Azbo

3/31/2015 11:11:11 am

I fixed it but I lost a few paragraphs.

Azbo

3/31/2015 11:37:39 am

It recovered everything but 2 paragraphs but I retyped it.

Azbo

3/31/2015 11:38:36 am

I posted it I finnaly fixed it but had to retype a few paragraphs.

Mr.Potato

3/31/2015 10:26:59 am

Good morning, chairperson
, honourable judges, ladies, and gentlemen, and fellow students. "I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots." This is a quote I found from Albert Einstein and I feel that this has come true because everyday technology is changing the way we do stuff like communication, learning, and even having fun even if it's more for the worst.

Paragraph #1 - Communication
Firstly, I will talk about texting and emails. We do this everyday and it is all around us, with LOL’s and OMG’s but these acronyms and the fast communication is making people talk and write differently. A wise person named Ellen once said “What’s not so great is that all this technology is destroying our social skills. Not only have we given up on writing letters to each other, we barely even talk to each other. People have become so accustomed to texting that they’re actually startled when the phone rings. It’s like we suddenly all have Batphones. If it rings, there must be danger. This is another great quote that I found and it explains that how texting and social medias have changed us to the point that our social skills are dropping. Another example is texting and driving. We see this all over the news and it happens so much we are used to it! But people are getting badly hurt and some even die! but that doesn’t matter people will still do it thinking “oh that will never happen to me.” but really it can happen to anyone, even you!! Did you know, a ticket for texting and driving here in BC is a whopping $167 dollars.

Paragraph #3 - Learning
You know what they say, you learn at least 1 new thing everyday. It is true, but with the internet it might not all be the truth because anyone can post or comment things. Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense. Gertrude Stein. This is a great quote because it says how everyone gets so much info all day so it is overwhelming. Not to mention that the info might not be real. To illustrate, when people look on google to find out things or to learn they usually don't check if it reliable and this can lead to them telling people this lie and then they will get in a fight because they thought something else. So always check if its reliable!

Paragraph #3 - Having Fun!!

Everyday parents say that “when i was your age I was out side ‘till the street lamps went on.” and i'm not saying its not true and that kids don't do that still, but have things really changed that much? Cell phones, mobile e-mail, and all the other cool and slick gadgets can cause massive losses in our creative output and overall productivity. this is a quote from Robin Sharma and I think it helps me explain how things like social medias and phones slow down our imagination and us wanting to do stuff so we just want to spend more time on our phones. For example there would be this kid that is invited to do something with his friends but he got this new game so he wants to stay in instead but then he loses the opportunities that his friends would have gotten.

Xbox GOD

3/31/2015 11:58:41 am

I think you could make your paragraphs a bit smaller.

Rainbow Unicorn

3/31/2015 12:34:46 pm

What do you mean a bit smaller?

Mr. Hong link

3/31/2015 12:38:08 pm

@ Xboxman - Please give descriptive feedback according to the criteria for a body paragraph.

Oracle

4/1/2015 11:41:55 am

@Xbox GOD, It really doesn't how much or how high you structure your paragraph, as long as its nice, clear, and detailed.

Tacosaur

3/31/2015 01:14:41 pm

@mr potato

You were only supposed to post the 3 body paragraphs.

Sargent Sqweecers

4/1/2015 02:14:08 am

@mr potato
Mr potato firstly you are supposed to only post your tree body paragraphs. Make your paragraphs easy to understand.

Rainbow Unicorn

3/31/2015 10:34:05 am

But right now I am going to be talking about girls denied education, about more than five research sites show that 62 million girls are not in secondary or primary school. So there are lots of girls not in school all overthe As Hillary Clinton said, “Girls are unfinished business of the 21st century.” Meaning that the people should make girls rights equal with boys. For example in some areas of Pakistan, only one out of every five children in schools are girls. This means that there are more boys than girls in school in Pakistan.

What do you think of when I say the word sexist? Now some of you when I say sexism, might think of something else but no, google states that sexism means, typically against women on the basis of gender. In other words sexsism means being mean to people based on their gender. For example, you play like a girl, or boys are smarter than girls, and things like that. As someone once said “Sexism is avoidable in many different ways.” Which means that you should say something or do something when someone is being sexist to you or someone you know.

What do you know about children young? Well I know that, between 2011 and 2020, more than 140 million girls will become child brides, according to United Nations Population Funds. This means from 2011 till a few years from now 140 million girls will get married at a young age. As a 13 year old girl said, “When my parents mentioned marriage I had no idea what that meant.” This is coming from a girl that got married when she was 13.

Azbo

3/31/2015 11:41:51 am

Good job Rainbow unicorn. I like how you chose a topic people need to shed some light on in the east. I think you should add a bit more detail though.

Rainbow Unicorn

3/31/2015 12:32:00 pm

Thank you Azbo, and where exactly do you think I should have a bit more detail?

Rainbow Unicorn

4/1/2015 02:21:23 am

@Azbo thank you, but where specifically do I need more detail?

Rainbow Unicorn

4/1/2015 01:40:44 pm

Azbo thank you very much and where specifically should I have more detail?

LUYSA Soccer Player

4/1/2015 01:59:09 pm

@Rainbow Unicorn, great job! I really like your essay about, "Girls rights." However, one suggestion for you is to add more tansition words like to illustarte, to conclude, etc..... Overall, great job :-)

Azbo

3/31/2015 11:31:11 am

Body 1
Well, what is computer programming? To illustrate computer programming is code instructing the computer to do what you want to do now when I say code I don’t mean morse code or pig Latin, I mean something so cool and unique.. For example, you can write a program to print, “hello world” to the console, then you can write code to do that. There are many computer program ming languages from Java to Python from Python to JavaScript there are many and many languages. The founder of Apple Steve Jobs said, “Every person in the country should learn to program a computer, because it teaches you how to think…”. What Steve jobs means is how programming can help you academically in school. Studies show that classes that programmed with build blocks (which are like drag and drop block not real programming) academic score increased more than 30%. Thats awesome!

Body 2:
So we know what programming is, but how exactly does it affect our daily life? We all use technology on a daily bases at home, at school, at work and when we use use that technology you see what’s happening on the screen… but you do not see the hundreds of thousands if not millions lines of code. What can surprise you is it can be in more places than you think in ovens, cars, handheld devices, computers, robots, and so much more we can think of so just don’t bother. If it affects us then what if we didn’t have it? Well we won’t have computers and then we won’t have clocks, airplanes, cool cars, timers on ovens it’ll be a mess! The next generations have lots to hold with maybe billions of stuff that use code.

Body 3:
How can you get started? There are many ways to get started programming only on the internet! Some aren’t as good as others and some are more expensive than others so I am going to tell you what I personally did to start. When a programmer starts they need to learn the basic principles of coding the structure how it works, so I recomend using code.org. Code.org is a simple website where you can learn and make your own programs using build blocks. I find using code.org a great start to this new subject and even I started with code.org. When you get the basics of coding you can learn JavaScript on Khanacademy.org browse programs and interact with other programmers its great. You can also use codecademy.org which offers a wide assorment of programming languages to learn completely free! Thanks to the help of amazing strangers YouTube is also a great place to start with tutorials for almost every programming language I can think of! We are in a generation where you can learn coding on the internet and become as advanced as a university student learning coding. So your first step is to use Google to make the magic!

Note I made a better version of it but I deleted it by an accident ;0 I think this will be good though feedback please.

Xbox GOD

3/31/2015 11:58:01 am

Remember to use more of a hook for each paragraph so they don't lose interest. Because some people might get bored by now about technical stuff and all that. All in all good statistics and creativity.

Rainbow Unicorn

3/31/2015 12:33:33 pm

@XboxGod I your supposed to just have a hook in your intro paragraph.

Rainbow Unicorn

3/31/2015 12:40:12 pm

@Azbo I am really surprised that you know so much about commputer programing, but I think you forgot to puta comma after every transition word, but othewise good job!

Azbo

3/31/2015 12:49:03 pm

Thanks Rainbow Unicorn and Xbox GOD - I will put these into perspective when I revise it thanks!

Rainbow Unicorn

3/31/2015 01:05:14 pm

Your welcome @Azbo

Xbox man

3/31/2015 11:56:43 am

Have you ever heard of that high pitched bark in the house? Or when that cute fur ball jumps up on your bed for the night? Well I have! Greetings Teachers, students and Honorable Judges. My name is Scott and I am going to be talking about dogs today. Talking about how they are your best friends, how they need our help, and of course what kind of jobs they have.

Firstly, dogs are very important because they are like family and can help you whenever you need it. Also they have a ottomatic act of kindness and energy because they want to play with you or that you home. Dogs are truly a mans best friend and that quote was because of how well a dog and a man had gotten together and made a lifelong relationship. I think that any dog could be anyones best friend and have the same story. Dogs are very intelligent and like to go over and lick you if you are crying, or circle around and wag his tail if you are happy. So if you have not noticed yet, dogs are pretty much like your hairy big brother or sister.

Secondly, dogs do not only love you and play with you, they save lives. Some dogs actually help blind people travel. Now that shows a lot of trust. Dogs have to train hard to be guides for there best friends, but they never give up. Dogs also help people with mental disabilities travel and keep company. Dogs do many things but there is a special breed for a dog that helps the most. Police dogs are very smart and intelligent but need years of training. They are trained to save lives and defeat crime. Firemen have dogs to help them too, they go in the fire carefully and pull out the people inside the fire. They too, need years of training. So dogs are very important to us.

Lastly, Most dogs have families as you know, but there still are some who are in animal shelters because they get hit by cars or other horrible injuries. This means they still need homes or they will feel lonely or betrayed. They need to get out of their cages and get a amazing family but all families only want dogs that are normal looking or have no injuries. This makes me sad, because I think we all know dogs deserve a home as much as anyone here. Puppies and dogs are getting hurt and not picked just because of this. And you can make a change by getting a dog of your own.
In conclusion, I have talked about how dogs are mans best friend and anyones best friend, how they can help save lives and have special jobs, and lastly, how they need our help. All in all I hope by the time you all leave today to think about how you can get your own furry little friend. Now remember the first image of your dog or puppy and make a friendship of a lifetime. Thank you.

Note: I just copied this from google drive and pasted this on to the website so don't blame me if it is a bit big or something because I typed all this at school! Feedback would be wonderful and I hope that I can use your Feedback to make it a bit shorter or bigger for three minutes.

Pebbles

3/31/2015 01:59:48 pm

@ Xbox Man, we did not have to include our introduction and conclusion. Just our Body Paragraphs. Great job!

Hero of ages

3/31/2015 12:01:26 pm

Imagine that you were living on The streets cold, hungry, thirsty and alone and had no money to get you out of this situation
Greetings chairperson, Honorable judges, ladies and gentlemen and fellow students I am Damian Widejko and I will be talking about Money problems, water problems and world hunger.

Body #1
First of all, poverty is a bad thing that is happening to a lot of people that are living with less than a 1 dollar a day due to poverty. Research shows that more than 1 billion people live in poverty but researchers are trying to stop it from happening more. A man once said, “Poverty is like a book if you are living in poverty your page is ripped.” Everyone has a page in the book and a lot of the page’s were ripped which means that whoevers page is ripped live’s in poverty. Now to talk about the world water problems.

Body #2
Secondly, world water problems guess what more than 840,000 people in the world have no clean water to drink. Research shows that 1 in 8 people have no safe drinking water because of lack of sanitation. A man once, “A human is a drop of water in the ocean and the deeper you get in the ocean the more dark drops you see.” The clear drops are people not living with clean water and the dark drops are the ones who do have no clean water .Now you need to eat if you drink which is my next topic Hunger.

Body #3
Finally my third and last topic, world hunger 33% of the worlds population is considered to be starving. Research shows that over 800 million people live with hunger,” I saw few die of hunger; of eating, a hundred thousand.” People not eating, then dieing of hunger.

Rainbow Unicorn

3/31/2015 01:02:25 pm

@HeroOfAges you should read it outloud to yourself and fix some o thhe grammmer mistakes. Also, you might want to explain your facts , statistics alitttle bit more. In your intro paragraph you don't need a capital when you said, "Imagaine that you were on The streets hungry." And don't forget your periods.

Hero of ages

3/31/2015 01:10:01 pm

Ok Thanks

Hero of ages

3/31/2015 01:15:19 pm

Imagine that you were living on the streets cold, hungry, thirsty and alone and had no money to get you out of this situation
Greetings chairperson, Honorable judges, ladies and gentlemen and fellow students I am Damian Widejko and I will be talking about Money problems, water problems and world hunger.

Body #1
First of all, poverty is a bad thing that is happening to a lot of people that are living with less than a 1 dollar a day due to poverty. Research shows that more than 1 billion people live in poverty but researchers are trying to stop it from happening more. A man once said, “Poverty is like a book if you are living in poverty your page is ripped.” Everyone has a page in the book and a lot of the page’s were ripped which means that whoevers page is ripped lives' in poverty. Now to talk about the worlds water problems.

Body #2
Secondly, world water problems and guess what, more than 840,000 people in the world have no clean water to drink. Research shows that 1 in 8 people have no safe drinking water because of lack of sanitation. A man once, “A human is a drop of water in the ocean and the deeper you get in the ocean the more dark drops you see.” The clear drops are people not living with clean water and the dark drops are the ones who do have no clean water. Now you need to eat if you drink which is my next topic hunger.

Body #3
Finally my third and last topic, world hunger 33% of the worlds population is considered to be starving. Research shows that over 800 million people live with hunger,” I saw few die of hunger; of eating, a hundred thousand.” People not eating, then dying of hunger.

Mr. Hong link

3/31/2015 12:37:35 pm

@ Everyone - Please comment/give feedback to students who have yet to receive any.

Billy bob

3/31/2015 12:52:11 pm

Sorry I am late (9 hour time difference)

Funnel and dramatic intro paragraph.

Hello chairperson, honourable judges, ladies and gentlemen, and fellow students. Who here likes money? I do! I would like to think everyone here knows what money is, but do you know it's history? My name is Omar El-Kobtan and I will be the person with a speech about money. I will tell you about the kinds of money in the past and the time before money !!!(gasp for effect) Don't worry it was thousands of years ago. Kids these days don't get their allowance in eggs, pottery, etcetera.

Did you know there was a time before money! Yeah exciting huh? Well before money people just traded their belongings like 40 eggs for a chicken or pottery for a choice cut of beef. Back then there were few jobs that needed college or any education jobs were farming and such with few doctors and lawyers life expectancy was short, about 1/2 of ours today. After a while people would decide it is hard to carry all your property with you everywhere so people created precious metal currency such as gold and silver coins.

Gold and silver coins were quite helpful. Having a currency meant you could easily value items. For example if you wanted to but a cow for 150 dollars and you are selling chickens for 15 dollars you know a cow is worth about 10 chickens, this is just an example not an actual depiction of value. Having a currency also made buying things easier, if you wanted to buy the cow you given the person the coins rather than have to take 10 chickens in a wagon or something similar. People had it much easier with a currency, valuing, buying, and selling things easier. On the other hand new precious metal coins happened to have some problems since nothing is perfect.

Now I will tell you about the solution to the problems presented by gold, silver, and copper coins. The problem with those coins was that they were heavy unlike today with a one hundred dollar bill with lots of money came lots of weight. So countries would change to representative money. For example if you have 2 gold 10 dollar American coins you can get a slip of paper saying you own that 20 dollars. This made comparing currencies much easier, if you wanted to find out how many U.S. Dollars you can get with one British pound, if I ounce of gold is equal to one and a half British pounds and one ounce of gold is equal to one U.S. Dollar 1 1/2 British pounds is equal to 1 U.S. Dollar. The representative currency made purchases so much easier. Instead of buying a house with a wheelbarrow full of heavy gold you could take a stack of paper to the person for them to pick up the gold at a time of their choosing.

Those were the three types of money before our current currency fiat money where the money has value because we think it does. Which is your favorite currency. What one is most efficient. What has the most reliability. Those are all questions I asked myself and I suggest you do too. So go home get some money and remember its history, for without it we would still be buying things with poultry.

Mr. Hong link

3/31/2015 01:40:31 pm

@ Billy Bob - How is your trip so far? Anything interesting happen? I'll give you feedback directly on your Google Doc.

Billy Bob

4/1/2015 04:20:12 am

@Mr.Hong

My trip is amazing! I learned so much in Amsterdam. Did you know Amsterdam is names after a dam over the river amster! I didn't. They have their own man made canal system, a museum with almost all of Van gogh's original masterpieces that I went to. They also recently opened the Rijks museum with original paintings including original Rembrandt paintings like night watch. It is amazing and it is almost a shame that I am leaving tomorrow.

Teddy bear

3/31/2015 12:52:27 pm

Firstly, animal testing is very dangerous for human. Humans and animals are very different therefore testing make the poorest subject. According to FDA stated that 92% of all drugs that are shown to be safe in animal tests fail in human trial because they don't work and dangerous. For example, an arthritis medication that was tested on monkeys and other animals killed over 60 people and more than 3500 people was hurt. There is no reason to test on animal if most of them fail in human.

Secondly, animal testing cost a lot of money. Did you know that more than 14 billion are use in animal testing? In American 16 billion are wasted for animal testing, and all of this money comes from citizens taxes. They use money for heart attack experiment, cruel fighting texting, drug test, and more. We can use those money for providing more than 800 dollars for homeless people,and hire 380,000 teachers to educate child. We are the one who is paying the money to kill 32,000 animals.

Lastly, alternative methods can be use other than animal testing. There is studying cell, artificial human skin, computer model and more that can replace animal testing. In addition to this tests can produce more relevant results than animal testing. This methods are much cheaper than animal testing. For example DNa animal testing costs 32,000 dollars while in vitro alternative costs 11,000 dollars.

Pebbles

3/31/2015 01:58:25 pm

@ Teddy Bear, you have some grammar errors in your writing.

Teddy bear

4/1/2015 02:16:27 am

(Revised)

Firstly, animal testing is very dangerous for human. Humans and animals are very different therefore testing make the poorest subject. According to FDA stated that 92% of all drugs that are shown to be safe in animal tests fail in human trial because they don't work and dangerous. For example, an arthritis medication that was tested on monkeys and other animals killed over 60 people and more than 3500 people was hurt. There is no reason to test on animal if most of them fail in human.

Secondly, animal testing cost a lot of money. Did you know that more than 14 billion are use in animal testing? In American 16 billion are wasted for animal testing, and all of this money comes from citizens taxes. They use money for heart attack experiment, cruel fighting texting, drug test, and more. We can use those money for providing more than 800 dollars for homeless people,and hire 380,000 teachers to educate child. We are the one who is paying the money to kill 32,000 animals.

Lastly, alternative methods can be use other than animal testing. There is studying cell, artificial human skin, computer model and more that can replace animal testing. In addition to this tests can produce more relevant results than animal testing. This methods are much cheaper than animal testing. For example DNa animal testing costs 32,000 dollars while in vitro alternative costs 11,000 dollars. Why do we need animal testing if alternative methods are much cheaper and can produce more relevant results?

Goofy

3/31/2015 01:06:03 pm

When I started my mini business I needed to find something people like thats why I’m going to tell you how to get a good idea. To get a good idea of what your product will be you need to do research in what people also did you know 8 out of 10 businesses fail according to Eric T. Wagner. Second how you’re going to get a patient for your product. To get a patient you need a lot of money but what the patient does is that people can’t take that idea and copy how it is made. For example I make a suitcase that is one pound for that I used carbon fiber so now I get a patient for it but another person comes and tries to copy it but know I have the choice to sue him but I’m a nice person so I’ll just make him take down his person. And third who’s going to buy it. To find that out I would do a public vote. A wise person named San Walton once said “There is only one boss and he can fire everybody in the company from the chairman on down simply by spending his money somewhere else.”

Paragraph #2 -
To sell the product you need the product so thats why I’m going to tell you how to produce your product. First You need a manufacture so he can make the product so you can sell it for example I sell bikes and I have three customers, so I call my manufacture I need three bikes in a week but if I don’t have a manufacture I can’t get the bike to the customers. Second how are you going to make it for cheap so you can bigger profit you're going to do that by negotiating with the manufacture. For example I sell magnets for $1 the manufacture says I’ll make it for you for $0.75 I said $0.25 so I said lets meet in the middle and say $0.50 and he said ok and we made a deal. Third How many of your products do you need. How I do it is if chips I’ll buy six the first time and see how fast they sell out the next time I go to get my chips I’ll buy according to the info I got the first time. A very smart person like me named Kathryn Minshew once said “Get your product in front of actual, living, breathing strangers. Your college roommate's approval does not mean there's market demand.”

Paragraph #3 -
Now if you want make giant profits you need to know how to sell your product. First you need to advertise people now your product exist. A very nice man like me named Mark Twain said “Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.” Second customer care. If you want the customer coming back happy you should treat them well. studies show that 78% of consumers have bailed on a transaction or not made an intended purchase because of a poor service experience. According to www.helpscout.net. Third always make your product better so the consumer will want to buy the updated one and more people will like it also many people will buy it again. For example ipods people have the fourth generation but they want the fifth generation because they think it’s better but really its the same the only difference is the shape and you get to choose different colors would you pay an extra $100 for that.

LUYSA Soccer Player

4/1/2015 02:09:55 am

Goofy, great response! I really liked your essay about, "Getting your own business." However, one suggestion for you is to add more transition words like Firstly, secondly, thridly, in conclusion, etc.... Overall, great job :-)

Goofy

4/1/2015 05:58:40 am

I've added firstly secondly and third in all my paragraphs.

Goofy

4/5/2015 01:40:28 am

I've added firstly, secondly, and thirdly to all 3 paragraphs except thirdly only 2.

Yogi Bear

4/1/2015 01:42:27 pm

@Goofy- Good job, but there were a few grammar mistakes in some of the paragraphs.

Tacosaur

3/31/2015 01:15:05 pm

Body #1 Cellular phones.

the 3 most common types of phones are Iphone, Andriod and Blackberry.
Most if not all of these phones are smart phones. According to http://bgr.com/2014/05/29/smartphone-computer-usage-study-chart the avergae person spends 7.4 hours on a device/tv every day. Almost all of these smart phones allows yout to recive email, text,voicemail and ect. Now time to stop typing and start clicking that mouse.

Body #2 Computers.
The 2 huge brands of computers are Apple and Microsoft, Apple uses IOS (Internet Operating System). While Microsoft uses windows 8.1 and windows 10. From the start of 2015 to Febuary 18 5 million computers/laptops have been sold. My fingers are tired now time to stop with typing with electronics and start looking at Hondas Robot.

Body #3
Honda was the first car company to build their own robot called ASIMO. (Advanced Step in Innovative Mobility). Robots are Like a human except for the fact they don’t have feelings.Robots are created to do some of the things that humans can’t do themselves. research states 8.6 million robots have been made have been made throughout 2006-2015

Hero of ages

3/31/2015 01:26:50 pm

Don't forget capitals :-P

Azbo

4/1/2015 12:34:27 am

I like your body paragraph Tacosuar. I already know most of these thing but 2 things 1. Windows 8.1 and 10 are the latest version but there is 8, 7, vista, XP, ME, 97, (now we are going back to the 90's. 2. I learned that iOS stands for internet operating system I thought it stands for i operating system ;-) Good job.

Azbo

4/1/2015 12:39:48 am

Oh yea Apple uses IOS for there mobile devices not for the computers for the computers they use mac OS X and there is mac OS X snow leapord, mountian lion, etc. Apple does not use the same operating system for there phones as the mac uses because its a phone not a computer and runninng all the code on that processor will be a hassle. Remember to put iOS in phone. Another thing I noticed is android is an OS where you can buy I phone lets say samsung or sony and it can be running android so...
1. Apple phone = iOS
2. Android phone = Android.

1. WIndows = windows
2. Mac = mac OS X...

I hope this helped.

Sargent Sqweecers

4/1/2015 02:08:26 am

Do not forget to add punctuation also try to explain more.

3/31/2015 01:15:48 pm

Mr.Potato

4/1/2015 02:02:17 am

@
its great but i think you need more detail.

Gooner

3/31/2015 01:27:36 pm

Meagan March 27th 2015

Nike Child Labour

Welcome, Chairperson, honorable judges, ladies, gentlemen and fellow students. Can I ask everybody to close your eyes. Put up your hand if you are wearing Nike right now. Ok hands down. Now keep your eyes closed and picture you are in a toxic factory with no water or food. You’re not allowed to speak while you are sitting on a hard chair in front of a sewing machine sewing pockets onto pants. You are about to break down because of all the abuse you received but then a supervisor comes over and slaps you. If you don’t work harder you will die. Open your eyes. This is what it is like being a slave in child labour. A lot of big companies do this but a really big one is Nike. Now, for those of you who don't know who or what Nike is, it is a big athletic company that is famous all around the world. In fact, it is THE BIGGEST athletic company with making 28 billion dollars in 2014. Since 2005 their sales have gone up by 100%! But thats not what I am here to talk about. I am here to talk about Nike’s use in child labour, child labour itself and how nike treats these kids.

~

Firstly, If you don't know what child labour is, it is a horrifying thing where companies take little kids and make them work with no food or water. The kids get no education which means to make money they have to spend the rest of their lives in a factory. This means, that their kids can’t go to school because they need to make money to support their family. This goes on and on and its called the poverty cycle. While the kids are in the factory they get beaten and physically harmed by the supervisors. And in my opinion, they aren't so super. These kids make at most, 1 dollar a week. that is about enough to get this child about 1 meal. that means 1 meal a week! How many meals do you have? Well the average kid has breakfast, lunch, dinner and a snack. Thats 4 meals a day. Thats 28 meals a week!

~

You might think “Oh, so what? Nike has a couple factories that use child labour” But if you ARE thinking that then you are wrong. Nike is in the top 5 worst child labour companies in THE WHOLE WORLD. According to Kimberley Mok (who has a Bachelor degree in architecture) The United States and Pakistan linked to allow this sort of thing. When she was in Auroville, a South Indian intentional community she caught the action. “Nike has been using child labour for years and years. In fact, when I was just 18 (and that is some time ago…) I went on a demonstration against Nike. It seems nothing has changed since then. They now use factories where human rights are broken on an almost daily basis. People are kicked and slapped and verbally abused.” - Student studying poverty.

~

Alot of different companies use different child labour routines. For Nike, they get kicked, abused and underpaid. By this, I mean that if they don't work hard enough or if they did nothing at all they get kicked, slapped, and much more bad stuff. Some of them even bleed to death. these kids have no escape. They live a the factory spend all night wondering where their family is wondering if the are going to survive the next day. They spend the night in little dorms probably sharing beds with 5 other kids. With no or limited access to water they get dehydrated alot and alot of the kids die. But does nike care? NO. Thats the problem. If they had to choose between selling a shoe and killing the kid the would pick to sell the show. And belive it or not but air examination results proved that workers were exposed to toxic fumes 150 times over the Pakistan law limit. That toxic air can fil your lungs and make you really sick.

~

So, now that you know the truth are you gonna be so exited to show of your new Nike shoes? It is time to stop “Just doing it” and we need to start preventing it.

OMGCOTTONCANDY

4/1/2015 02:04:09 am

@Gooner maybe you can say where you found your quotes and why you chose them. :)

OMGCOTTONCCANDY

3/31/2015 01:50:55 pm

Body paragraph 1: (Cyber Bullying)

Firstly, Did you know that 43% of kids are bullied online. For example bullied victims are 2 to 9 times more likely to consider committing suicide. Have you ever heard of Amanda Todd she cyber bullied to death. "Haters don't really hate. In fact, they hate themselves because you're a reflection of what they wish to be." This quote was made by anonymous, I chose this quote because it's true.

Body Paragraph 2: (Mental Bullying)

Secondly, Research shows that because of bullying, 160 000 kids in the United states stay home from school everyday. For example bullied victims usually fake illness to not have to go to school. A wise man once said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can also hurt me. Sticks and Stones break only skin while words are ghosts haunt me. Pain from words has left it’s scar on my mind and heart thats tender cuts and bruises now have healed. Its words that remember.” I found this quote on pinterest.

Paragraph 3: (Physical Bullying)
Thirdly. Did you know that physical bullying increases in elementary school, peaks in middle school and declines in high school? Verbal abuse on the other hand, remains consistant from elementary school to high school. To illustrate, elementary school is where physical bullying happens the most.

Rainbow Unicorn

4/1/2015 01:20:06 am

@OMGCOTTONCANDY you need to explain your supporting sentences, and add a little more bit more detail.:)

Hero of ages

4/1/2015 02:01:13 am

You need to fix capitals and grammar :P

Hero of ages

4/1/2015 02:04:15 am

You need to fix some grammar and capitals :P

Mr.Potato

4/1/2015 02:05:16 am

@ OMGCOTTONCCANDY03
its great but you need more support in your supporting sentences. for example, you could say why you chose the quote in paragraph 1 other than saying its true

Pebbles

3/31/2015 01:51:31 pm

Firstly, racism has been going on for along time and got really serious in 1619 because thats when slavery started. According to usatoday.com slavery started in 1619 and ended in 1865. It was based on the colour of your skin. If you were black you would most likely be a slave, while white people would be your master. A master is a person who would control the slaves they owned. A wise man named Nelson Mandela once said, ” For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” This means, even if you are not in chains you still treat everybody equally regardless of their race. For example, we should all be treated the same no matter our colour. But back then very few people stood up for equal rights. So white people were a higher class and black people were a lower class.

Secondly, many people stereotype people based on their appearance before they even know the person. A smart women women named Stephanie Perkins once said, “You ought to stop listening to stereotypes and start forming your own opinions.” People take what other people say to a next level but we need to stop listening to those people and listen to ourselves.Stereotyping is judging somebody by their appearance before you know them. For example, saying Asians are math wizards because how do you know that? You don’t! That is stereotyping.

Secondly, many people stereotype people based on their appearance before they even know the person. A smart women women named Stephanie Perkins once said, “You ought to stop listening to stereotypes and start forming your own opinions.” People take what other people say to a next level but we need to stop listening to those people and listen to ourselves.Stereotyping is judging somebody by their appearance before you know them. For example, saying Asians are math wizards because how do you know that? You don’t! That is stereotyping.

Secondly, many people stereotype people based on their appearance before they even know the person. A smart women women named Stephanie Perkins once said, “You ought to stop listening to stereotypes and start forming your own opinions.” People take what other people say to a next level but we need to stop listening to those people and listen to ourselves.Stereotyping is judging somebody by their appearance before you know them. For example, saying Asians are math wizards because how do you know that? You don’t! That is stereotyping.

Thirdly, we can’t choose what skin colour we are born with. Our skin colours come from where our origins began. For example, people from Mexico have a darker skin colour because their origins started there and the climate is very hot. The heat causes their body to produce melanin. Melanin is a substance produced by your body to protect your skin from the sun and it causes skin to go darker. My dad once said, “The colour of a persons skin is not as important as the size of their heart.” So next time think about this before you judge someone by the colour of their skin.

Pebbles (Revised)

3/31/2015 01:56:55 pm

Paragraph #1

Firstly, racism has been going on for along time and got really serious in 1619 because thats when slavery started. According to usatoday.com slavery started in 1619 and ended in 1865. It was based on the colour of your skin. If you were black you would most likely be a slave, while white people would be your master. A master is a person who would control the slaves they owned. A wise man named Nelson Mandela once said, ” For to be free is not merely to cast off one’s chains, but to live in a way that respects and enhances the freedom of others.” This means, even if you are not in chains you still treat everybody equally regardless of their race. For example, we should all be treated the same no matter our colour. But back then very few people stood up for equal rights. So white people were a higher class and black people were a lower class.

Paragraph #2

Secondly, many people stereotype people based on their appearance before they even know the person. A smart women women named Stephanie Perkins once said, “You ought to stop listening to stereotypes and start forming your own opinions.” People take what other people say to a next level but we need to stop listening to those people and listen to ourselves.Stereotyping is judging somebody by their appearance before you know them. For example, saying Asians are math wizards because how do you know that? You don’t! That is stereotyping.

Paragraph #3

Thirdly, we can’t choose what skin colour we are born with. Our skin colours come from where our origins began. For example, people from Mexico have a darker skin colour because their origins started there and the climate is very hot. The heat causes their body to produce melanin. Melanin is a substance produced by your body to protect your skin from the sun and it causes skin to go darker. My dad once said, “The colour of a persons skin is not as important as the size of their heart.” So next time think about this before you judge someone by the colour of their skin.

Oracle

4/1/2015 11:10:11 am

@Pebbles, I like how your Speech based on racism, it was really good. But I think you need to incorporate more transitions into your second sub-topic paragraph. In addition, you also forgot concluding sentences that lead into your next sub-topic in each supporting sentence.

Oracle

3/31/2015 01:58:07 pm

To begin, what are diseases? These diseases are a sort of sickness that may affect your WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE, it can affect you needing cancer, having lots of diareah, and more things! There are so many different syndromes to every disease. To illustrate, if I were to get a disease, then it could probably be one of those diseases to spread. Like Ebola. Research shows that billions of people around the world have a disease.

Second, diseases are VERY brutal against our daily lives. People would treat you like your never there. That's how some people with autism are treated too. For instance, there's a kid named Randall who has a disease, and from that he got skin cancer. Now people treat him like he is an infectious zombie. And, his parents take this disease too seriously, that they think they’ll become zombified too.

Thirdly, what is the cause of a disease? What makes this disease occur? Well, according to scientists research, a change in the Genes is what causes a disease. This can happen anywhere in the body. ANYWHERE. For example, if this happens on your legs, then you have some sort of leg disease, if you have a bladder disease, then you might have Ebola if you went to Africa on vacation and got bitten by a bat or something. If you have a heart disease that is not a good sign, if you have arm diseases, or any sort of body disease its not good at all. Now let’s continue on with the rest of the topic shall we?

Lastly, how should we treat others with a disease? Well, we shouldn’t be making Epidemical Contact with them obviously! We’d might also get the disease and carry it around with us! Anyways, we should just treat them as a friendly person that lives around the neighbourhood, or maybe as a nice best friend. We shouldn’t be treating them as a Dead Zombie coming right after you, or maybe a Teacher chasing you around with homework! But to be honest, if I were to be chased around with a teacher holding homework, I’d faint and go to the hospital! To finish, lets close the doors with my conclusion.

I'm still trying to do the finished touches and see if what I have missed so far. But here is what I got so far.

SnappingTurtle

4/1/2015 02:03:26 am

in your paragraph where it says this boy has autism how does that relate to diseases?

Puffle

4/1/2015 02:12:28 am

Your paragraphs were well put together but I think you should check over little punctuation mistakes and spelling.

Oracle *REVISED + Feedback*

4/1/2015 11:06:22 am

@Puffle &SnappingTurtle, I never really got the time to do any changes that time I posted, but thanks for the feedback. Here is my revised version.

To begin, what are diseases? These so called, “Diseases.” Are a sort of sickness that may affect your WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE, it can affect you needing cancer, having lots of diareah, and more things! There are so many different syndromes to every disease. To illustrate, if I were to get a disease, then it could probably be one of those diseases to spread. Like Ebola, if you make contact with a person by breathing in their air, or getting sneezed on your hand and rubbing your hand all over your body, you are most likely to catch this disease. Research shows that billions of people around the world have a disease. Mainly Africa has these diseases since there’s still the Ebola outbreak. Now you know what diseases are, let’s move on to how they can affect our daily lives.

Second, diseases are VERY brutal against our daily lives. People would treat you like your never there. That's how some people with autism are treated too. For instance, there's a kid named Randall who has a disease, and from that he got skin cancer. Now people treat him like he is an infectious zombie. And, his parents take this disease too seriously. They even think they’ll become zombified too. A famous Roman Catholic known as Mother Teresa once said, “One of the greatest diseases is to be nobody to anybody.” Meaning to say that every disease isn’t as bad as being invisible to the whole world, like nobody knows you or doesn’t even knows you’re there.

Thirdly, what is the cause of a disease? What makes this disease occur? Well, according to scientists research, a change in the Genes is what causes a disease. This can happen anywhere in the body. ANYWHERE. For example, if this happens on your legs, then you have some sort of leg disease, if you have a bladder disease, then you might have Ebola if you went to Africa on vacation and got bitten by a bat or something. If you have a heart disease that is not a good sign, if you have arm diseases, or any sort of body disease its not good at all. Ralph Waldo Emerson, famous essayist, lecturer, and poet once said. “All diseases run into one, old age.” What I think he’s trying to say is that most diseases come often to old age if you live a healthy life, but when you do lots of drugs or other things bad for the body, your disease may start at an early age. Now let’s continue on with the rest of the topic shall we?

Lastly, how should we treat others with a disease? Well, we shouldn’t be making any Epidemical Contact with them obviously! We’d might also get the disease and carry it around with us! For instance, we should just treat them as a friendly person that lives around the neighbourhood, or maybe as a nice best friend. Not like a Dead Zombie coming right after you, or maybe a Teacher chasing you around with homework! And along with that, you donèt have to take the disease too seriously, just imagine it like a cold or something much more harmless. Statistics show that usually the 50% of people around the world are bullied, but 25% of them have a disease. So that’s not right to bully someone with a disease, that’s wrong! To finish, lets close the doors with my conclusion.

Julio

3/31/2015 02:29:30 pm

Body Paragraph #1

Firstly, people are on the Internet all the time which gives them a higher chance of them getting cyber bullied. Always before you hit the send button reread what you typed and ask yourself if it will hurt somebody's feelings. People everyday type really fast and just hit send they don't think before they send so lots of people get there feelings hurt all the time. 25% of teenagers report that they have experienced repeated bullying on the cell phone or on the internet. I think that people should always report someone if they see them cyberbullying another person. Only 33% of people who are being cyberbullied report it and I think that people need to tell and not keep it a secret.

Body paragraph #2

Another way, people can be bullied is mentally and physically. Imagine you come to school wearing a new shirt you got as a present on the weekend. Someone from school comes up to you and says that shirt is ugly and so are you. How do you think you would feel? Anyone who uses words or there body to hurt you or your feelings is being a bully whether they mean it or not. Someone who got bullied once said “When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sand paper; They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.” I think that quote is true because in the end you will have so much confidence because you were always bullied and they weren’t bullied so they will be used to always being in charge and mean and they will have no confidence. One in seven Canadian children aged 11 to 16 are victims of bullying. I think that people need stop bullying because its mean.

Body paragraph #3

Connected to bullying is the root cause, which is insecurity. People try to make themselves feel better by teasing other people for lots of different things. Which is why people get bullied everyday. “If people are trying to bring you down it only means that you are above them.” That quote is true because lots of people are insecure so they are going to say mean things about people who they think are better then them so they so that they feel better about themselves. Another thing that causes bullies is bullies themselves. If somebody bullies you then you might feel insecure and start bullying other people.

Body paragraph #4

So now that we know more about bullying and what it can do we want to try to prevent it from happening. Well first of all you shouldn’t be a bully either and you need to keep in mind that everyone is different but not better or worse. Something you should do if you’re being bullied is look the bully in the eyes and tell them stop and if that doesn’t work then you should tell an adult and stay away from places bullying will happen. If you see someone getting bullied you should tell an adult and be friendly and nice to that person to let them know that they aren’t alone.

Puffle

4/1/2015 02:17:17 am

I liked your speech and the concept of it but I think you could vary your sentences and check over some mistakes of punctuation.

LUYSA Soccer Player

3/31/2015 02:46:58 pm

(Post A Response)

Body paragraph #1:
Firstly, what is soccer? Well, since you ask soccer isnt just a sport, it is also a passion espicially for me and of cource to many other people. Did you know, that soccer is the most popular sport in the world? I did! Infact, soccer was first created in 1863 by Wredford Brown. According to Wikipedia, more than 2,000,000 people played in Canada by 2006. Unbelievable right? There was once a soccer player named Cristiano Ronaldo who said,"Every season is a new challenge to me, and I always set out to improve in terms of games, goals, and assists." I like this quote because, everytime I have a soccer games it motivates me to do 110% on my accuracy, passing, shooting, dribbling, and doing my soccer moves to defeat my opponent. Now lets, dribble our way back, into running 50 laps.

Body paragraph #2:
Secondly, now what will you do if I told you to run 50 laps around your neighbour hood? Would you feel scared, sad, happy, excited? Or would you think that it is highly impossible? Of course not! Infact, since I am on a soccer team my coach says that I have to run at least 10Km a day. And to tell you, I am really happy that my coach makes me run alot. Did you know, that if you eat healthy, exersice 60 minutes a day you and your heart will get stronger? For example, if you run 60 minutes everyday you are gaining muscle that makes you stronger. To conclude, with there was once a athlete named Usian Bolt who said,"The pain you feel today, will be the strength you will feel tomorrow." Now, lets run our way back to the soccer field into wearing our team uniform for the 2031 FIFA Womens World Cup match against Brazil.

Body paragraph #3:
Lastly, did you ever wanted to be a proffesional soccer player playing for Canada, U.S or Brazil just like Christine Sinclair, Alex Morgan and Marta? Well, I want to! Infact studies show, that if you tain alot on your dribbling, passing, shooting, skills, and your accuracy, you would have a chance to play on a highly ranked team depending on what league you are in now, either it is bronze, silver, gold, or metro. For example, if you practice soccer and you play on a metro league you may be selected to play on a team. Did you also know, that Cristiano Ronaldo started playing soccer when he was onnly 11, and now he is the most famous soccer athlete either than Lionel Messi in the world? Above all, lets finish our last skill into sleeping and waking up to do the same routine over and over again.

TweetyBird

4/1/2015 02:05:31 am

@LUYSA Soccer Player
In your first paragraph second sentence you spelled isn't and especially wrong. Neighborhood is one word (second paragraph), and in fact is two words (second paragraph and third). For your statistics I think that you could use some different transition words instead of did you know (studies show, research shows, etc...). In your third paragraph your third sentence didn't make sense.

Teddy bear

4/1/2015 02:11:32 am

@LUYSA Soccer Player
I like your essay but you had some spelling errors.
For example exersice - exercise
proffesional - professional

Fish sticks

3/31/2015 02:48:20 pm

Firstly women need compassion, I agree that rape is cruel and the following pregnancy would be very difficult to endure but the pregnancy should not end in abortion. The Supreme Court of Canada has decided that the death penalty is cruel and unusual punishment for rapists and that they don’t deserve the death penalty. Does that mean that the innocent child conceived in rape deserves the death penalty for the crimes of their father? NO, of course not. According to campaign for life coalition, Over 50% of rape victims choose to keep and raise their child. “I was so loved that it never became an issue for me that I was a product of rape,”- Ryan Bomberger. I would love to see our country spend the time, money, and resources on helping every child feel love instead of abortion. Women need help and support following rape, they don’t need an abortion. A rape victim has a higher rate of suicide, drug overdose and murder in the year following an abortion. Abortion is not compassion.

P.S I spent a lot of time on this one paragraph and I restarted from scratch changing my points several times so This is all I did.

Murphamy4life

4/1/2015 02:05:25 am

@Fishsticks
Your paragraph is very good! Maybe, make you 3 points a little more clear.

Sargent Sqweecers

3/31/2015 03:26:00 pm

Body Paragraph #1

Firstly, what are the cause of war?(War does not just start like this,hey you I don't like you so I am going to kill you.)They can be anything such as resources ,land and power did you know that the most cause of war is power and land, because the precedent or dictator want ruling other countries and in order to do that he or she needs more land. Once a wise man called Mahatma Gandhi said,“What difference does it make to the dead, the orphans and the homeless, whether the mad destruction is wrought under the name of totalitarianism or in the holy name of liberty or democracy?” For example if i was I dictator and i wanted more resources,land and power.

Body Paragraph #2

That brings me to my second topic the history of war. There are many many many different wars but one wars stand out from those world war 2. World war 2 because of started you guest it Hitler. Hitler conquered all the way up to Europe and decided he was going to attack Russia but the Russians led hitler into a trap the Russians made hitler believed that he was winning.The Russians kept pulling back. When Hitler's Army got to the capital it was winter and winter in Russia is cold so the Germans got Stuck in the cold. So now that you know a, little more about world war 2.Studies show that Hitler did not think of what was the consequences that if Russia wins he believed in his army to much because his army is undefeated. Sun Tzu once said “Appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak.” But hitler never listened to this rule and his whole army died.

Body Paragraph #3

Speaking of death in brings me to my last topic why we remember war.Every year a day comes called Remembrance Day.First of all why do we remember this day? We remember all the people who have lost their lives to in war such as world war 2 or world war 1. If we didn't remember this day we would not have have history class any more and i know what you are thinking no history yeeeeeea woooooow but history is important. Remembrance day is when everyone as a moment of silence for all the brave who fought to protect us and who are still fighting.

TweetyBird

4/1/2015 12:41:29 am

To begin with, technology has several different cons. Research collected from Edudemic shows that technology has made a negative impact on our communication skills. Because of our phones we have gotten so used to texting and other ways of communication involving our phones. This is not the only problem involving new and improved tech. Facebook and other social media sites are being used as ways to bully others anonymously. Like Libby Larsen said "The great myth of our times is that technology is communication." In addition to this I think she is trying to say that all the big tech brands are trying to get us to think that technology is communication when it is obviously the opposite of communication.

Secondly, technology can help people in many different ways. According to CBC News 4/5 Canadian homes have access to the Internet. As Albert Einstein once said, "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity." For example, these days instead of using dictionaries to find the meaning of a word we can just use the internet. We don't just use technology at home it could be for school, work, or even grocery shopping. Technology is developing our future for the greater good.

Lastly, in my opinion I think that technology is used as a enemy not as a friend. Online shopping, texting, social media is obviously not communication. Studies show that screen time is effecting a child's life drastically and their social skills are dropping. As R. Buckminister Fuller said, "Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons." For example, a lot of people use phones to communicate with others. I think that people should just talk to each other because that is what real communication is.

Puffle

4/1/2015 02:25:51 am

Your speech was really good. Also you could explain more about what your statistics mean.

TweetyBird

4/1/2015 02:29:15 am

EDITED/REVISED
To begin with, technology has several different cons. Research collected from Edudemic shows that technology has made a negative impact on our communication skills. Because of our phones we have gotten so used to texting and other ways of communication involving our phones. This is not the only problem involving new and improved tech. Facebook and other social media sites are being used as ways to bully others anonymously. Like Libby Larsen said "The great myth of our times is that technology is communication." In addition to this I think she is trying to say that all the big tech brands are trying to get us to think that technology is communication when it is obviously the opposite of communication.

Secondly, technology can help people in many different ways. According to CBC News 4/5 Canadian homes have access to the Internet. This means that more Canadians have internet than don't. As Albert Einstein once said, "It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity." For example, these days instead of using dictionaries to find the meaning of a word we can just use the internet. We don't just use technology at home it could be for school, work, or even grocery shopping. Technology is developing our future for the greater good.

Lastly, in my opinion I think that technology is used as a enemy not as a friend. Online shopping, texting, social media is obviously not communication. Studies show that screen time is effecting a child's life drastically and their social skills are dropping. As R. Buckminister Fuller said, "Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons." For example, a lot of people use phones to communicate with others. I think that people should just talk to each other because that is what real communication is.

SnappingTurtle

4/1/2015 01:17:49 am

NAME: Sarah Kruger TOPIC:Assisted Death DATE: March 27th 2015

Hook: I would like you all to close your eye’s, imagine You are sick and on life support. you're in excruciating pain, would you consider or even want life ending medicine? Think about that, what if you couldn't? what if the law forbids it? you would be suffering so much.

Intro: Hello Ladies and gentlemen, fellow students and honourable judges. I think today you all should know about assisted death. in the following I will talk about Why the patients suicide helper shouldn't go to jail or get punished, why everyone in the the world should be allowed to if they are terminally-ill and why banning this isn't making a difference.

MY FIRST PARAGRAPH IS NOT FINISHED

Secondly, I think that if you are very ill, suffering and it's not going to get better you should have have the choice to peacefully pass on and not have to hurt yourself to be put out of your misery.
“An Assited Death law will not result in less people dying but more people suffering.” ~By anonomus. To explain that qoute, These countries and cities have laws whre you cant be physically put to sleep, which results in less people dying but more people suffering.
For example, People in Belgium, France, U.K., U.S and Germany do not have the right to physically be put to sleep forever, But that does not stop them. They go to other countries where it is legal. that brings me right into my third reason.

Thirdly, Banning this is some area's in the world is not making a difference, to explain this better people will go to other countries or cities that can give you life ending medicine and not go to jail for it, Like in illinois assited death is illigal, So some people go to lets say Canada to be physically put to sleep. Studies show that in washinton 173 people died in peace and that 159 died suffering. “We should not have to go to other countries to be put to sleep” By me
This quote resembles the right to pass peacfully on in your country with your people.

To summarize I think that people everywhere in the world should be able to peacefully pass on and not have the doctor go to jail, banning this is causing more sufferring and the law should be changed and why the docters and nurses should go to jail for this.

Puffle

4/1/2015 02:05:37 am

I liked your paragraphs and points to your speech but you can also check on your spelling because a few things are spelled wrong, like "Quote." Also make sure you use the right punctuation.

Julio

4/1/2015 02:07:32 am

Your first sentence in the second paragraph didn't make sense. You also spelt anonymous and quote wrong. You also spelt washington wrong and you only need your body paragraphs.

SnappingTurtle -Revised-

4/1/2015 02:09:15 am

Hook: I would like you all to close your eye’s, imagine You are sick and on life support. you're in excruciating pain, would you consider or even want life ending medicine? Think about that, what if you couldn't? what if the law forbids it? you would be suffering so much.

Intro: Hello Ladies and gentlemen, fellow students and honourable judges. I think today you all should know about assisted death. in the following I will talk about Why the patients suicide helper shouldn't go to jail or get punished, why everyone in the the world should be allowed to if they are terminally-ill and why banning this isn't making a difference.

MY FIRST PARAGRAPH IS NOT FINISHED

Secondly, I think that if you are very ill, suffering and it's not going to get better you should have have the choice to peacefully pass on and not have to hurt yourself to be put out of your misery.
“An Assited Death law will not result in less people dying but more people suffering.” ~By anonomus. To explain that quote, These countries and cities have laws whre you cant be physically put to sleep, which results in less people dying but more people suffering.
For example, People in Belgium, France, U.K., U.S and Germany do not have the right to physically be put to sleep forever, But that does not stop them. They go to other countries where it is legal. that brings me right into my third reason.

Thirdly, Banning this is some area's in the world is not making a difference, to explain this better people will go to other countries or cities that can give you life ending medicine and not go to jail for it, Like in illinois assited death is illigal, So some people go to lets say Canada to be physically put to sleep. Studies show that in washinton 173 people died in peace and that 159 died suffering. “We should not have to go to other countries to be put to sleep” By me
This quote resembles the right to pass peacfully on in your country with your people.

To summarize I think that people everywhere in the world should be able to peacefully pass on and not have the doctor go to jail, banning this is causing more sufferring and the law should be changed and why the docters and nurses should go to jail for this.

Goofy

4/5/2015 01:43:54 am

You only needed to add your body paragraphs.

SkaterBoi

4/1/2015 01:57:10 am

Intro
SCREECH! The board sliding on the hand BOOM! There lands the skateboard slamming on the ground with a huge snap! Today I will be talking about skateboarding about having fun, getting hurt, and competitions.

First subtopic ( Having Fun on a skateboard )
Skateboarding is an amazing sport to have fun and it's good exercise. Skateboarding is hard but when you get the hang of skateboarding it gets really fun. The best and the fun thing to do on a skateboard is landing and doing tricks. It's one of the main things to do in skateboarding.

Second subtopic ( Bailing on a skateboard )
In life you get hurt just like skateboarding you get hurt all the time. Like you jump offs ledge and sprain your leg. That is called bailing. It's where you fail a trick on a skateboard when your feet come off. But sometimes you’re supposed in skateboarding you have to get full commitment

Third subtopic ( Competitions )
Did you know that if you win in a skateboard competition you earn a sponsorships to different skate brands. You could also become a worldwide pro skater if a lot of sponsors would know who you are and require you with skate gear.

Gooner

4/1/2015 02:04:31 am

Your paragraphs need to be a little longer. They need at least 3 supporting sentences, 1 hook and a conclusion. But you only have 2-5 sentences

SnappingTurtle

4/1/2015 02:07:56 am

you should think about quotes statistics and @ skaterboi

Puffle

4/1/2015 02:00:45 am

BODY A
First of all, how would you feel if you were asked to quit being a makeup artist just because you were a guy, or if you were asked to quit the soccer team just because you were a girl?

In fact, if that happened to me, I would feel horrible, even if I don’t play sports. It’s not right if you feel like you have to be a specific gender to do something. If they're talented at doing something then don’t try to take that away from them.

In addition to this, being a boy and having to take the lead is expected but what if the boy isn't cut out for any of this? Do we have to force him to become what he doesn't want to be? Same goes for girls. They don't have to be princesses if they don't want to.

As said by Emma Watson, “It is time that we see gender as a spectrum instead of two sets of opposing ideals.” Which speaks to me a lot, saying that we should be joined together instead of having two opposite sides.

BODY B

Second of all, look at your skin tone, now compare it to others. They're all different, aren't they?

In other words, our skin colour is one of the many things that cause fights. Which I feel is terribly wrong, people still judge others based on their skin tones. Whether it's dark or light. I think that we should all treat others by their personality, other than the colour of their skin.

Not to mention, that some people automatically think that African-Americans are most likely to commit crimes. Anyone can commit crimes, whatever race they are. It's just wrong that people feel the need to bring others down and stereotype them into something that they're not.

In addition, to stereotyping, a lot of people think that everyone in a race or country act the same or does the same things. When really, it's the opposite. For example, we Canadians apparently live in igloos and drink maple syrup according to others living outside our country.

BODY C

Lastly, being gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transexual and coming out is an extremely brave thing to do.

To clarify, if you are any of those, don't let others bring you down. It's okay to love someone your own gender. It's okay if you feel like you were born into the wrong body. Love is love and there's nothing you can do about that. Something important to realize, is that you can marry who you want. Don't listen to what other people have to say unless they are supporting you. It's your life, not theirs.

Furthermore, I'd like to explain to you that teenagers have a lot of trouble coming out because they are afraid of what will happen next if they do. But if you truly believe that there are people who will support you no matter what then do it. They won't judge you if they love you. Also remember that you already have one person supporting you, and that is me.

Murphamy4life

4/1/2015 02:01:36 am

I think abortions should be legal because the fetus is not aware. To illustrate the fetus doesn't show signs of awareness till 30 weeks and doctors are not allowed to perform abortions after 20 weeks. That means that the fetus will not feel pain when the abortion takes place. "How come when it is us, it's an abortion, and when it is a chicken it is an omelette?" ~ That's a quote from George Carlin. I like this quote because it shows we don't feel bad about a chicken but we feel bad about an unaware fetus. The fetus has not feeling so it doesn't feel pain at all. Making it illegal is taking away the womans right over there own body.

SnappingTurtle

4/1/2015 02:06:34 am

That is only 1 paragraph? remember Mr.Hong told us to post all 3
@murphamy4life

Murphamy4life

4/1/2015 02:10:23 am

@SnappingTurtle
I was at my great grandmas from right after school till 9:00pm I didn't have time to do all three.

Murphamy4life

4/1/2015 02:20:18 am

@SnappingTurtle
I have not done all of my body paragraphs.

Murphamy4life REVISED

4/1/2015 02:32:11 am

Body 1
I think abortions should be legal because the fetus is not aware. To illustrate the fetus doesn't show signs of awareness till 30 weeks and doctors are not allowed to perform abortions after 20 weeks. That means that the fetus will not feel pain when the abortion takes place. "How come when it is us, it's an abortion, and when it is a chicken it is an omelette?" ~ That's a quote from George Carlin. I like this quote because it shows we don't feel bad about a chicken but we feel bad about an unaware fetus. The fetus has not feeling so it doesn't feel pain at all. Making it illegal is taking away the woman's right over there own body.

Body 2
How would it feel if you couldn’t choose what happened to your body. That is what a bunch a woman would have to go though if abortion was illegal. They would have to carry a baby they don’t want. What happens if they where a victim rape and you are so hurt from what happened to you and for 9 months would have a reminder of what happened to you. Every time you look at your self you just see in your mind what happened to you. You have no control over your body. I think thats wrong. “I think anyone should get the right to their own body. However much I dislike the idea of abortion, you should not criminalize a woman who, in very difficult circumstances, makes that choice.” ~Tony Blair I really like this quote because it shows that even if you wouldn’t get an abortion you should the person take control and not feel like an outcast if they get an abortion. If abortions was illegal woman might get unsafe abortions.

Cookielover

4/1/2015 02:01:44 am

The Future Is Soon!

I would like you to close your eyes and think about what you think the future will be like. Good morning ladies and gentlemen and fellow students. I’m going tell you what I predict the future would be like thanks to my topics the technology, my vision and what the environment will be like.

Body 1
Firstly, I will talk about the technology that I think the future will have. I think the Ipad and Iphone will be little devices that can project holograms, then when you play games it wouldn’t be touch screen but using hand signs and gestures within the hologram itself. A website said "Dear past, thanks for all the lessons. Dear future, I'm ready...." By ohmyread.com I find this a quote saying that the past was good but I am ready for the future now. To continue, I hope hover cars will be a thing when I'm around because that would be awesome to drive one.To state my point, I was watching this show and they had actually made a real working hover board it was so cool, it was like a magnet but opposite, repulsing the magnetic energy used on high speed modern railways. Also, would it not be cool to have a robot at your every command. Like there could be a maid bot to clean, a fitness bot to train you for exercise, a teacher bot to teach and help with homework or a robot that just was made to play with you.

body 2
Secondly, I will tell you what I see the future will look like. I see a giant city floating in the sky and bridges connecting everything to other things. Hover cars zooming across their metal roads, people walking on the moving sidewalks people riding hover boards grass that is as green as green can be. Also, buildings that have a futurist view. “Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.” ― Mother Teresa this quote I think is try to say is live the day you have been given.

body 3
Thirdly, I will talk about what I think the environment will be like. The grass would be like a trampoline but a little less bouncing and the grass will be super green and never turn brown our wilt. Also, trees would grow super fast, never die and they would be in little chunks just hovering. I think global warming will go down because the car are hover powered so gas is not needed.

Conclusion

Lastly, Now thanks to me talking about the future in my three topics the technology, my vision and what the environment. Now open your eyes what did you come up with in your visions.

Fish sticks

4/1/2015 10:13:41 am

@Cookielover- I like your ideas for the future but in my opinion I would like to see some more facts about we you think this instead of just talking about your opinion and what you think would happen.

Rainbow Unicorn (revised)

4/1/2015 02:06:08 am

(girls denied education)
But right now I am going to be talking about girls denied education, about more than five research sites show that 62 million girls are not in secondary or primary school. So this means that there’s lots of girls not in school all over the world. As Hillary Clinton said, “Girls are unfinished business of the 21st century.” Meaning that the people should make girls rights equal with boys. For example in some areas of Pakistan, only one out of every five children in schools are girls. This means that there are more boys than girls in school in Pakistan.

(sexism)
What do you think of when I say the word sexist? Now some of you when I say sexism, might think of something else but no, google states that sexism means, typically against women on the basis of gender. In other words sexsism means being mean to people based on their gender. For example, you play like a girl, or boys are smarter than girls, and things like that. As someone once said “Sexism is avoidable in many different ways.” Which means that you should say something or do something when someone is being sexist to you or someone that you know.

(girls married young)
What do you know about children young? Well I know that, between 2011 and 2020, more than 140 million girls will become child brides, according to United Nations Population Funds. This means from 2011 till now and in the future, 140 million girls will get married at a young age. “When my parents mentioned marriage I had no idea what that meant.” This is coming from a girl that got married when she was 13 years old.

Tacosaur Revised

4/1/2015 02:21:40 am

Body #1 Cellular phones.

the 3 most common types of phones are Iphone, Andriod and Blackberry.
Most if not all of these phones are smart phones. According to http://bgr.com/2014/05/29/smartphone-computer-usage-study-chart the avergae person spends 7.4 hours on a device/tv every day. Almost all of these smart phones allows yout to recive email, text,voicemail and ect. Now time to stop typing and start clicking that mouse. The Iphone uses IOS (Internet Operating System) Android uses Android and blackberry uses Android.

Body #2 Computers.
The 2 huge brands of computers are Apple mac and Microsoft, Apple uses OS X snow leapord, mountian lion, etc. While Microsoft uses windows 8.1 and windows 10 and Vista just to name a few. From the start of 2015 to Febuary 18 5 million computers/laptops have been sold. My fingers are tired now time to stop with typing with electronics and start looking at Hondas Robot.

Body #3
Honda was the first car company to build their own robot called ASIMO. (Advanced Step in Innovative Mobility). Robots are Like a human except for the fact they don’t have feelings.Robots are created to do some of the things that humans can’t do themselves. research states 8.6 million robots have been made have been made throughout 2006-2015

SkaterBoi

4/1/2015 02:22:56 am

(REVISED)

Intro
SCREECH! The board sliding on the hand BOOM! There lands the skateboard slamming on the ground with a huge snap! Today I will be talking about skateboarding. having fun, getting hurt, going into competitions, and dedication. Skateboarding is awesome! Once you get into it you never want to stop.

First subtopic ( Having Fun on a skateboard )
Skateboarding is an amazing sport to have fun and it's good exercise. Skateboarding is hard but when you get the hang of skateboarding it gets really fun. The best and the fun thing to do on a skateboard is landing and doing tricks. It's one of the main things to do in skateboarding. It takes time to practice tricks but you don’t need to practice all you have to do is have fun and enjoy your self.

Second subtopic ( Bailing on a skateboard )
In life you get hurt just like skateboarding you get hurt all the time. Like you jump offs ledge and sprain your leg. That is called bailing. It's where you fail a trick on a skateboard when your feet come off. But sometimes you’re supposed in skateboarding you have to get full commitment which means that you have to the trick and try and keep your feet on if not just go with it take the pain.

Third subtopic ( Competitions )
Did you know that if you win in a skateboard competition you earn a sponsorships to different skate brands. You could also become a worldwide pro skater if a lot of sponsors would know who you are and require you with skate gear. Research shows that the more sponsorships and competitions you get into you make more money.

Fourth subtopic ( Dedication )
For me, skateboarding is a lifestyle. I really don't know anything different. My life revolves around skating. If I wasn't a professional skateboarder, I'd still be skating every day. This was said by man named Ryan Sheckler. If you are really dedicated to skateboarding you will never quit and nothing would stop you from skateboarding. Like if you just started skateboarding and someone judged of they way you skate never give up no matter what people say. Because if are really dedicated you can achieve what you want.

OMGCOTTONCANDY (REVISED)

4/1/2015 02:34:05 am

Body paragraph 1: (Cyber Bullying)
Firstly, Did you know that 43% of kids are bullied online. For example bullied victims are 2 to 9 times more likely to consider committing suicide. Have you ever heard of Amanda Todd she cyber bullied to death. "Haters don't really hate. In fact, they hate themselves because you're a reflection of what they wish to be." This quote was made by anonymous, I chose this quote because it's true.

Body Paragraph 2: (Mental Bullying)
Secondly, Research shows that because of bullying, 160 000 kids in the United states stay home from school everyday. For example bullied victims usually fake illness to not have to go to school. A wise man once said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can also hurt me. Sticks and Stones break only skin while words are ghosts haunt me. Pain from words has left it’s scar on my mind and heart thats tender cuts and bruises now have healed. Its words that remember.” I found this quote on pinterest. “Punch” “Kick” Do you what type of bullying that is?
Well you’re going to have to wait and see!

Paragraph 3: (Physical Bullying)
Thirdly. Did you know that physical bullying increases in elementary school, peaks in middle school and declines in high school? Verbal abuse on the other hand, remains consistant from elementary school to high school. To illustrate, elementary school is where physical bullying happens the most. To conclude, Physical bullying isn’t just Punching and Kicking its also when someone is Tripping, Slapping, and Push anything Physical really.

Yogi Bear

4/1/2015 02:36:32 am

As much as I don't like Speech Fest, I have to admit that there are many things you learn in the process of writing and presenting your speech. The first pro of Speech Fest is that it helps you develop better public speaking skills. Each time you speak in public you get better and better even if you may not notice. A man named Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, "All great speakers were bad speakers at first." That proves my point since the quote means that everyone improves each time the do a speech. The second advantage of Speech Fest is finishing your speech. If there is anything that I like about Speech Fest, it is the sense of relief and accomplishment once I finish speaking. That feeling of finishing and knowing that you don't have to worry about it is great. To conclude, those are some of the pros of speeches even though I know there are many more.

There are many pros to speeches, although I think there are more cons, so here are some examples. Firstly, a con of public speaking is that it is quite nerve-wracking and scary to speak in front of many people. From personal experience, speaking in front of many people can be scary since you don't know whether they like it or not. According to statisticbrain.com, 74% of people in the world suffer from speech anxiety. Also, studies show that public speaking is the number one fear in North America! Last but not least, speeches are hard to prepare for. You have to write your speech, edit and revise, practice reading it, put it on cue cards, and then you have to present it. It takes lots of hard work if you want to get a good mark on your speech. In conclusion, those are the disadvantages of speeches. Now it's time to look at it from my point of view.

Firstly, I think there are more cons than pros, but that's just me. The first and biggest thing that always gets to me is the audience. You don’t know what they are thinking of your speech and you feel like they're laughing and criticizing even though they might not even be paying attention. Secondly, it is quite easy to make yourself feel embarrassed. For example, if you stutter or stumble on a word you can feel your face go red with embarrassment or your body start to shake. The one pro that I actually think is good is practice. Each time you speak in public it get easier since you get used to the audience and messing up. All of those cons don’t become a problem if you get enough practice. To end off, that is my opinion on Speech Fest.

Cloud barston

4/1/2015 01:44:09 pm

First, let’s think about viral posts. What is a viral post? It is shared communication that spreads to many people quickly. Why? There is a reason why it goes viral and it’s called the ‘science of persuasion and the fear of missing out’. Blogbufferapp.com discusses the science of persuasion and basically it is where everyone wants to know about it so they don’t feel left out. It could be a photo, a meme or text. Do you catch up on viral posts?

What about social media sites? How many do you belong to? Facebook? Instagram? Snapchat? Many people belong to more than one site and that’s how posts get shared so quickly to a big audience. For everyone it’s easy to create accounts and even easier to share a post. For example, on Instagram, you get a picture, pick a filter (or effect) and share and it’s out. It’s that easy!

If there is the ‘fear of missing out’, is there peer pressure to use social media? From my experience, I think there is. When I got my first form of social media, my friends pressured me to join another. Of course I wanted to because I wanted to communicate with my friends. Sometimes you will pressure others to get what you have. This is how social media usage gets so popular.

Sure, social media is used to communicate with friends, but it is also part of our daily schedule. Every day after school, you probably check a website. Not just any website, but the class website. Many educators use social media to collaborate. This is good because it gets ideas out there quickly and easily.

Butterflypuppy

4/1/2015 01:53:25 pm

Body p#: First of all, are you the youngest sibling in your family because I am. Believe me the older sibling have privileges that you don't get. For example the older siblings get to hangout with their friends for all her about of time and can just say, "im going out with my friends see ya later" and all the parents say is, "be one before dark" but if I sat that it's,"where are you going? Who are you going with? When are you coming back"

Body p#2: Second of all, have you ever had siblings that are nice or mean you probably have so what kinds of sibling do you have? For example there are kinds of siblings that ignore you, hate you, nice to you and even ones that are nice to you when they want something and I have then all, Terry McMillan once said "I'm more interested in interpersonal relationships- between lovers families, siblings. That's way I write about how we treat each other". I chose this quotes because it's shows that there are different kinds of sibling and you see that by the way they treat you.

Body p#3: Third of all, when you're the youngest have you ever not had to do things that the older siblings have to do? For example since i’m the youngest I don’t have to get a job or worry as had on getting good grades because i’m too young to get a job and i am not in high school yet were my parents are a lot more strict on getting good grades. Jeremy Irons said ‘’I was the youngest. The yule lamb. The one who always got away without doing the washing up. My sister was four years older, and my brother six years.’’ I chose this quote because if saw that when you the younger sibling you got have to do as much

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