Tuesday: Concluding Paragraphs

1/29/2013

Today, the students learned how to restate their thesis statements in their concluding paragraphs. They learned that the basic way to do this is to review the content of their topic and main points but making sure that it is not redundant. Tomorrow, they will complete self and peer assessments using criteria sheets so they can see what they can do to improve their writing. They love receiving feedback!

1.) MATH 6: Complete the Mid-Chapter review (text) and mark it at home. If you have any questions, feel free to post them here.

MATH 7: Complete 2 worksheets (4.1 and pg 48)

2.) WRITE A RESPONSE #1:

Visit Greg Heffley's Learning Journey
Browse his website and comment on at least 4 different pages. Be sure to visit his 'BLOG'! \

3.) WRITE A RESPONSE #2:

Restate your thesis and 3 points for your concluding paragraph. Post using this formate so we can all see the difference between the two.
POST YOUR THESIS STATEMENT AND 3 POINTS (from your introductory paragraph)
Post your RESTATEMENT of your thesis (for your concluding paragraph)

VIDEO LINKS:
WARNING: DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME! THIS PERSON IS A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL AND WORKS AS A MOVIE STUNTPERSON! HE HAS BEEN DOING GYMNASTICS FOR HIS ENTIRE LIFE!
The Original Urban Ninja

Li0 link

1/29/2013 06:59:24 am

FIRST!

Li0 link

1/29/2013 07:03:58 am

INTRODUCTION:
Thesis: My resolution is to reduce my time on using electronics.
Points: A few steps that will help me are (1) reading, (2) writing, and (3) get more physical during my spare time.

CONCLUSION
Thesis: My goal is to shorten my usage of electronics.
Points: Somethings that can help me get closer to achieving this goal are (1) reading, (2) writing, and (3) getting more exercise during my free time.

The video was really cool.

Mr. Hong link

1/29/2013 07:12:43 am

@ Li0 - Please edit/revise your 'Restatement' because you have used the same words for each of your points. Stay away from using reading and writing as your key words. You need to rephrase it so it means the same thing without using those words. Does that make sense?

Li0 link

1/29/2013 07:18:32 am

@ Mr Hong - Okay but I can not find synonyms for reading and writing.
INTRODUCTION:
Thesis: My resolution is to reduce my time on using electronics.
Points: A few steps that will help me are (1) reading, (2) writing, and (3) get more physical during my spare time.

CONCLUSION
Thesis: Shortening my usage of electronics is my goal for the year 2013.
Points: Some things that can help me get closer to achieving this goal are (1) reading more books, (2) writing, either stories or just paragraphs for practice, and (3) getting exercise more.

The video was really cool.

Mr. Hong link

1/29/2013 07:27:47 am

@ Li0 - You still used those same words. Do your best not to use 'READING' or 'WRITING'. See if you can find syllables for them.

Li0 link

1/29/2013 07:30:15 am

@ Mr Hong - I'll try.

Sandy link

1/29/2013 09:24:06 am

@Li0, another word you can replace for reading could be study, learn, or interpret meaning understand.
Another word for writing could be to take notes, record, take down, etc.
Hope this helps.
:)

Li0

1/29/2013 10:01:18 am

@ Sandy - Thanks!

Li0 link

1/29/2013 10:43:58 am

INTRODUCTION:
Thesis: My resolution is to reduce my time on using electronics.
Points: A few steps that will help me are (1) reading, (2) writing, and (3) get more physical during my spare time.

CONCLUSION
Thesis: Shortening my usage of electronics is my goal for the year 2013.
Points: Some things that can help me get closer to achieving this goal are (1) view more books (I do know that this sounds really silly , can anyone else suggest some synonyms for "reading"?, (2) take more notes/write, either stories or just paragraphs for practice, and (3) getting more exercise.

Li0 link

1/29/2013 10:44:39 am

INTRODUCTION:
Thesis: My resolution is to reduce my time on using electronics.
Points: A few steps that will help me are (1) reading, (2) writing, and (3) get more physical education during my spare time.

CONCLUSION
Thesis: Shortening my usage of electronics is my goal for the year 2013.
Points: Some things that can help me get closer to achieving this goal are (1) view more books (I do know that this sounds really silly , can anyone else suggest some synonyms for "reading"?), (2) take more notes/write, either stories or just paragraphs for practice, and (3) getting more exercise.

Mr. Hong link

1/29/2013 11:30:35 am

@ Li0 - Not a silly question. How about something like this, "taking more books out from the library on topics I enjoy learning about" :)

Li0 link

1/30/2013 01:06:06 am

I meant "view more books" sounds silly.

Ghost link

1/30/2013 01:17:06 am

@ li0

Some suggestions I have for you are. Maybe you could add something where it says your going to excercise during your free time. Maybe you could say I will get more active during the day. But you did a great job.

Li0

1/30/2013 01:21:13 am

Greg Heffley link

1/29/2013 07:43:44 am

INTRODUCTION THESIS STATEMENT -

To complete my New Year’s resolution I will, be more respectful to my parents, show them I love them, and finally, spend more time with them.

CONCLUDING THESIS STATEMENT -

To complete my New Year goal, I will be very considerate to my parents, I will show that I really care, and I will be with them more often.

Greg Heffley link

1/29/2013 07:44:21 am

Oh yeah! Second to do the response! :D

Li0 link

1/30/2013 01:26:02 am

@ Greg Heff - you said at the beginning "to complete"
Other than that's your response is good.

Ms. Fei link

1/29/2013 12:02:06 pm

@Greg Heffley

Is that your thesis statement or your 3 points?

Greg H link

1/30/2013 01:21:06 am

Oh, both....

Princesa

1/30/2013 01:11:31 am

Nice but you forgot to gut you Thesis statement.

Slender Man.. link

1/30/2013 01:22:36 am

Not to be specific but what is your new years resolution? It's not that clear to me, sorry.

theoverseeker link

1/29/2013 07:49:06 am

intro:hey! ever thought about making a resolution this year? if you havent i will tell you mine. thisis: this year I will make a plan to... make a resolution to try my best at school. and this is how im going to do it.

Point 1: To start a way to a better time in school I could do better at, getting to school on time more often. I'm going to do this by waking up to an alarm clock buzzer that is really annoying. I will leave for school earlier than I normally would like at around at 8:00 and I shall pack my own lunch the night before the new school day.

Point 2: Secondly I could also improve on my homework and as an example I could work on my website and update all my section’s on my efolio or website so that the website will be completely up to date which means that everything has to be monitored at least once a day or somthing like that and it also means updating daily every day on my sections.

Point 3: Lastly I could improve on school work by staying up late or right after homework is done to study a weakest subject and improve on it, for example studying and working on subject in my free time either its recess, lunch, or after school it could mean better grades on subject in report cards and noticeable improvement in project participation and detail in website posts.

in conclusion using my three points this is how i will acomplish this goal. and now i will go onto talking about homework improvement.

part not included

Mr. HOng link

1/29/2013 11:31:26 am

@ The Overseeker - I think you forgot to put your restatement of your thesis in (Conclusion).

Rainbow Factory Dash

1/30/2013 01:05:28 am

Could you please post your thesis statement?

Theoverseeker

1/30/2013 01:07:20 am

I sort of forgot what a thesis statement is

How clumsy of me:(

Cole link

1/30/2013 01:09:03 am

You should restate your thesis statement in you conclusion.

Rainbow Factory Dash

1/30/2013 01:23:54 am

Could you please post it? Just look at what the others were doing and read the top.

Oreo

1/29/2013 07:59:36 am

Did you know that 94% of people make new years resulotions 10% dont achive there resulotions. My resulotion is to try to get better at math. To complete this I will follow these steps. First I will try to practise math everyday. Second I will try my best to get a good mark on my test. finally my goal is to get a B in math.
Body 1
Topic sentence: Firstly, I will try to practise math everyday.
Point 1: To start, How I will do this is I will use a website that will help me, for example I use ixl.com.
Point 2: Also, to remind myself I will write it in a planner or on a calendar.
Point 3: In addition, If I have math homework and I only have to do 10 questions I will do 2 more.
Concluding sentence: These are some ways that I will practise math.
Body 2
Topic sentence: Secondly, I will try my best on math tests or homework.
Point 1: Next, If I need help I will ask.
Point 2: Also, I will study hard for the tests.
Point 3: Another, If I get a question wrong, I will see what I did wrong and fix it.
Concluding sentence: This is how I will try my best.
Body 3
Topic sentence:Lastly, My goal is to get a B in math.
Point 1: Also, If I don't get a B, I will try to practise more.
Point 2: Next, If I reach my goal, I will try to get an A.
Point 3: Last but not least, if I don't reach my goal I will work harder.
Concluding paragraph
In conclusion I will try to do some math everyday, I will give 100% on my tests and homework, and atempt to get a B.

Spongebob Squarepants link

1/30/2013 01:17:16 am

Good job, but you were repetitive with trying to get a b in math, and to practice everyday. For the b one maybe you could say "I will do my best to get an A on my report card." And for the other one you could say " In my spare time if I have nothing to do I could try to squeeze in some math practice". Also you had a spelling error on attemp, but other than that good job.

Slender Man link

1/30/2013 01:24:35 am

I think you did the wrong post, I'm not really sure because you posted your whole essay there.

Cole link

1/29/2013 08:00:30 am

INTRODUCTION THESIS STATEMENT I am going to talk about my new year resolution and that is to get better grades. I am going to complete this by study hard in every subject, try to listen well, and being more organized

CONCLUDING THESIS STATEMENT I will achieve my goals by hitting the books, and hear the teacher when he is talking and Lastly, to be more neat.

ghost link

1/29/2013 10:10:16 am

INTRO THESIS: My New Years resolution is to get better grades. To accomplish my goal I will pay attention more in class. I will try my hardest on tests, and worksheets. I will also look over my work more carefully when I complete an assignment.

CONCLUDING: To accomplish my goal I will listen carefully when the teacher is talking, also i will try my hardest on every subject, and I will carefully check my work more than once.

Ghost link

1/30/2013 01:21:23 am

INTRO THESIS: My New Years resolution is to get better grades. To accomplish my goal I will pay attention more in class. I will try my hardest on tests, and worksheets. I will also look over my work more carefully when I complete an assignment.

CONCLUDING: To accomplish my goal I will listen carefully when the teacher is talking, I will also, try my hardest on every subject, and I will carefully check my work more than once.

Your response is very good it does not repeat any words. I don't think you have any flaws. Good job, Ghost. link

1/30/2013 01:09:39 am

Li0

1/30/2013 01:12:59 am

You response is very good and it does not repeat any words, you also do not have any flaws. Good job Ghost.

Li0

1/30/2013 01:15:26 am

One more thing, you used "I will also twice." "Also I will" doesn't have any grammars.

ATV BOY

1/30/2013 01:11:39 am

Well... What are you going to try to listen to? And also what will you be more organized at?

Cole link

1/30/2013 01:22:09 am

I know you we're not hear but we are not suppose to include details in our thesis statement.

ATV BOY

1/29/2013 08:14:16 am

INTRODUCTION
To reach my resolution I will spend less time on my video games and electronics, try to be a little bit neater, and last check the website more often.

CONCLUDING

To complete my goal I will be not on my games as much as I usually am, try to write better, and check the website a couple times more than now.

Mr. Hong link

1/29/2013 11:32:54 am

@ ATV BOY - I'm happy to see that although you were sick for a week, you understand the structure of the conclusion. Well done. We will work on beefing up your intro and conclusion in class tomorrow! :)

Cole link

1/30/2013 01:04:14 am

Maybe you can use something else other than games.

Juliette

1/30/2013 01:13:48 am

I think you should re Write one of your synonyms other than that good job😄

ATV BOY link

1/30/2013 01:19:21 am

INTRODUCTION
To reach my resolution I will spend less time on my video games and electronics, try to be a little bit neater, and last check the website more often.

CONCLUDING

To complete my goal I will be not on a lot of electronics as much as I usually am, try to write better, and check the website a couple times more than now.

Judy Moody link

1/29/2013 08:35:40 am

Introduction:
That is one of the reasons why I want to be more healthy this year. In order to do that I will have to eat healthier, sleep more, and excercise more.

Concluding sentence:
Managing the food I eat, getting more rest, and being more active will help me to achieve my goal of being healthier this year!

Princesa

1/30/2013 01:09:18 am

In the seconded one you forgot you thesis statement.

Princesa

1/30/2013 01:16:56 am

I like your stuff but I don't know what feed back to give so I am going to say good job.

Judy Moody link

1/30/2013 01:24:57 am

Could someone please give me feed back?

Percy

1/29/2013 09:14:04 am

Introduction:
To complete my resolution I will be more organized, Have everything ready to go home, and complete all my work before I play any games

Concluding Sentence:
To acheive my resolution I will be more arranged, Have everything in my backpack when we have to go home, and finish all my homework before I play games when I get home.

Mr. Hong link

1/29/2013 11:34:40 am

@ Percy - I would suggest using a different word other than 'ARRANGED'. It sounds a little awkward when you use it as a synonym.

Sandy link

1/29/2013 09:30:51 am

Thesis Statement:
Therefore, the three steps I will follow in order to complete it is to maintain my website, stay organized, and to be more productive.
Restating the Thesis:
To make my learning better I can update my website regularly, keep things where they should go, and be more efficient.
:)

Sandy link

1/29/2013 09:33:23 am

Oops! Here is my thesis:
My resolution for 2013 is to improve my learning.

Judy Moody

1/30/2013 01:22:19 am

You did really good, I don't really have any feed back except to add the thesis statement to the paragraph;)

Slender Man link

1/29/2013 09:44:41 am

Intro:

My Resolution is to become social to people. I can do this by Helping people in need, interacting in anything, and even just by thinking positive.

Concluding:

So to tie all ends in this essay, becoming social has traits and to gain those, you must be a problem solver in most cases, active and responsive human being to everyone, and be a great mind maverick when it comes to happy thoughts and wishful thinking. So now you know how to become social, are you going to use these instructions? I'm sure I'll find out anyways since I'm always there.

Hello Kitty

1/30/2013 01:26:23 am

Great job! Everything seems really good.

5AM

1/29/2013 10:23:39 am

Topic sentence: To get better at my drawing.
Concludingpargraph
To achieve my goal of getting better at drawing ill need to follow the three steps to drawing better that I have chosen, firstly I will go on the Internet more often for drawing tips and ideas, ask firends and family for tips and finally to draw more over the summer break.

Mr. Hong link

1/29/2013 11:36:25 am

@ 5AM - Please include your thesis and the 3 points from your introductory paragraph so we can compare your restatement with it. :)

Tarantula

1/29/2013 10:32:57 am

why do we have new years resolutions? Why do we have to learn about them?Well I’ll tell you why so that we can make are live’s happier.so that we can work on are remembering skills. most people forget there resolutions by the first month. personally I think they forget it on purpose. My new year’s resolution is to live a more active life. I will achieve this by going outside more, doing more Parkour, and turning off the electronics. In each paragraph I will explain in detail about them

So in the end I will go out side, to do this I will go into the nature more, to be more of a ninja, lastly I will not be in the electronic world and the real world.

G Heffley link

1/30/2013 01:10:27 am

@ tarantula- You did a good job on your concluding paragraph but you need to post your intro aswell. And maybe you could change turning off the electronics when you leave to something that has more to do with being more active. But otherwise good job!

Tarantula

1/30/2013 01:23:25 am

Intro paragraph
why do we have new years resolutions? Why do we have to learn about them?Well I’ll tell you why so that we can make are live’s happier.so that we can work on are remembering skills. most people forget there resolutions by the first month. personally I think they forget it on purpose. My new year’s resolution is to live a more active life. I will achieve this by going outside more, doing more Parkour, and turning off the electronics. In each paragraph I will explain in detail about them

Concluding

So in the end I will go out side, to do this I will go into the nature more, to be more of a ninja, lastly I will not be in the electronic world and the real world. These are the things that will help me improve my life. So in the end I'm not perfect but I'm improving

Hello Kitty

1/29/2013 10:33:49 am

Introduction-

My New Years resolution is to get better grades in school by being more organized, study throughout the week and i will try my hardest in every subject.

Conclusion-
Therefore trying my best in all of my subjects, keeping all of my stuff together in the right spot and will study during the week not just at last minute. I hopefully will achieve my goals and get better grades in school.

Mr. Hong link

1/29/2013 11:37:54 am

@ Hello Kitty - I would attempt to write your restatement in one sentence. Also, you had a few grammatical issues there but I think re-writing it into one sentence will fix it.

Spongebob Squarepants link

1/29/2013 10:36:39 am

Intro thesis statement
To do better in school I will stay more organized, get all my work done on time, and make sure I understand everything
Concluding thesis statement
In conclusion to fix my grades in school I will keep my stuff more ordered, stay caught up with my job, teh final thing I will do is try my very hardest in all my work

Oreo

1/30/2013 01:15:55 am

Maybe you can change, teh to the. Also, maybe add some periods at the end of your sentences. But great job.

Spongebob Squarepants

1/30/2013 01:22:28 am

Intro thesis statement
To do better in school I will stay more organized, get all my work done on time, and make sure I understand everything.
Concluding thesis statement
In conclusion to fix my grades in school I will keep my stuff more ordered, stay caught up with my job, the final thing I will do is try my very hardest in all my work.

Li0 link

1/29/2013 10:46:13 am

@ theoverseeker, Oreo - Mr Hong said to only post your conclusions and introductions.

G Heffley

1/29/2013 10:56:27 am

Intro:
My resolution is to complete all of my homework the day it is assigned so that I don’t have to worry about it the next morning. To complete this goal I will need to be much more organized, ask more questions, and thirdly be more productive at school.
Conclusion:
So in order to complete my resolution to complete all of my work at home the day it is assigned I need to: Keep myself organized,work harder and try to listen more at school so I will know what to do at home. That's my essay thanks for reading it!

Mr. Hong link

1/29/2013 11:29:15 am

@ G Heffley - I would recommend rephrasing your first point in your restatement. You used 'ORGANIZED' even though you used this in your intro paragraph. You shouldn't use the same word. Search for a synonym.

SpongeBob

1/30/2013 01:11:59 am

You used organized in your conclusion and you also used it in your intro paragraph and you are not surpossed to do that. The thesis restatement was not in the same order as the intro thesis statement.
Try to make your writing more organized but good job.

Tarantula link

1/30/2013 01:12:47 am

@ G Heffly- I think may have used the same words in your thesis that you did in the concluding. For example you said " I need to be much more organized " in the first one and said " I will need to keep my self more organized"

G Heffley link

1/30/2013 01:18:27 am

Intro:
My resolution is to complete all of my homework the day it is assigned so that I don’t have to worry about it the next morning. To complete this goal I will need to be much more organized, ask more questions, and thirdly be more productive at school.
Conclusion:
So in order to complete my resolution to complete all of my work at home the day it is assigned I need to: Keep everything straightened out,work harder and try to listen more at school so I will know what to do at home. That's my essay thanks for reading it!

Gary

1/29/2013 11:15:24 am

Intro:
soccer is actually simple but playing is not. you need to have good ball control, decent speed and agility.
Conclusion:
Soccer can maybe be simple. You should have good control with the ball, need to be fast and can move around side to side fast.

Princesa

1/30/2013 01:07:13 am

Judy Moody

1/30/2013 01:16:44 am

You did good but you should check over your grammar, for example capitalization and a comma after "decent speed". You are still being a bit repetitive, I think you should change the part where it says, "you should have good control of the ball" in the conclusion....

Gary

1/30/2013 01:26:18 am

Revised:

Intro:
soccer is actually simple but playing is not. you need to have good ball control, decent speed and agility.
Conclusion:
Soccer can maybe be simple. You may want to have good control with the ball, need to be fast and can move around side to side fast.

Rainbow Factory Dash

1/29/2013 11:22:08 am

Intro: My New Years resolution is to stop procrastinating, to do this I plan on blocking all websites that I normally go to, getting others to make me stay on task and starting my work as soon as I get home.

Conclusion: My New Years Resolution is to stop procrastinating, to do so I am going to start by sealing off all websites that distract me, having family and friends keep me in line, and getting my work done and over within the same day it is given to me.

Oh, and could you guys go visit my website, I have a new Daily Blog and to start it I need suggestions, you will figure out for what when you get there.
http://rainbowdash35.weebly.com/the-ranting-blog.html

Mr. Hong link

1/29/2013 11:38:39 am

@ Everyone - Go check out Rainbow Dash's new Blog on Rants! :)
http://rainbowdash35.weebly.com/the-ranting-blog.html

Gaia

1/29/2013 11:50:26 am

stay organized ,and not let my mind drift off to get better grades on my report card

In order to accomplish my New Years resolution I had to become Less flustered,keep my mind in place, and if I became confused I must ask a inquiry

Juliette

1/30/2013 01:09:32 am

Good job on your structure maybe you could check your punctuation. Spaces go after the comma. Also do you understand what inquiry and flustered means?

Gaia

1/30/2013 01:15:09 am

Yes I do indeed know what inquiry and flustered means.

REVISED
Stay organized, not let my mind drift off, and ask questions if I have them

In order to accomplish my New Years resolution I had to become less flustered, keep my mind in place, and if i became confused ask a inquiry.

SpongeBob link

1/29/2013 11:52:04 am

Intro thesis statement

To achieve this I will listen more when the teacher is speaking, read more chapter books, and I will be updating the language arts page on my website.

Conclusion thesis statement

In conclusion, to get a good grade in language arts you need to always pay attention when the teacher is talking, complete reading more books, and keeping the info on my website up to date.

gamre

1/30/2013 01:09:58 am

i like ho you did not repet your self

G Heffley link

1/30/2013 01:25:46 am

@SpongeBob- I really like your writing but you should put what your resolution is so its not just "to achieve this..." Because know one knows what it is. But otherwise good job.

SpongeBob

1/30/2013 01:27:46 am

Revised

My New Years resolution is to get a better grade in language arts.

Intro thesis statement

To achieve this I will listen more when the teacher is speaking, read more chapter books, and I will be updating the language arts page on my website.

Conclusion thesis statement

In conclusion, to get a good grade in language arts I will need to always pay attention when the teacher is talking, complete reading more books, and keeping the info on my website up to date.

princesa

1/29/2013 12:14:09 pm

begging thesis statement
So my new years goal is to stop fighting with my brothers. The three ways I am going to get to that goal is I am going to be nicer, to stop making trouble, and to just get up and walk away when they are bothering me.

Conclusion thesis statement
To achieve my goal to stop fighting with my brothers, I am going to be kinder, stop disturbing them and to keep away from fighting.

Judy Moody link

1/30/2013 01:10:18 am

Your writing is good but, the paragraphs are a bit repetitive for example, you said that you "won't fight with your brother". Also I think that being kinder and being nicer are alike so, maybe you could change it to I will try to be more kind to my brothers:)

Princesa.

1/30/2013 01:24:23 am

begging thesis statement
So my new years goal is to stop fighting with my brothers. The three ways I am going to get to that goal is I am going to be nicer, to stop making trouble, and to just get up and walk away when they are bothering me.

Conclusion thesis statement
To achieve my goal to stop fighting with my brothers, I am going to be kind to them, stop disturbing them and to keep away from fighting.

Minnie mouse

1/29/2013 01:26:17 pm

Introduction

Thesis: My new years resolution is to get a better grade in math.

Points : Here are some steps that will help me achieve my goal (1) study, (2) be more active in class, and (3) practice more often.

Conclusion

Thesis: My goal this year is to do better in math.
Points: To do better in math this year I will participate more in class, work harder, and do a few math problems.

Pooh Bear

1/29/2013 02:09:21 pm

INTRODUCTION:
I will find different ways so that I remember not to procrastinate, Not do unnecessary things throughout my day, keep my day organized.

CONCLUSION:
All in all, I will find ways to help me not procrastinate, not do needles things, and keep my day arranged.

gamer

1/29/2013 02:57:49 pm

Topic sentence:

My New Years resolution is to spend less time on electronics, and the way I will support this is to read more.

Point 1:Statistics prove that kids spend about 8.8 hours per week watching TV. This time can be spent doing physical activities; reading or family time.
Point 2:Suggested physical activities for kids is at least one hour a day.
Point 3:There is quite a number of book publishers and distributors and books can be found on almost every topic - reading allows you to gain information and use your imagination at the same time - filling in detail on fiction; and drawing conclusions on facts. Concluding sentence:
The books you read can also be a good conversation starter with your family.

Thesis statement
My New Years resolution is to be more productive and the three ways I can do it is by spending more time reading, playing or helping out with housework.

Concluding sentence
This way I will fulfill my New Years resolution of being more productive.

gamer

1/30/2013 01:12:20 am

could some repliy

SpongeBob

1/30/2013 01:15:37 am

When you posted you posted the three points for your essay but you were surpossed to post the restatement for your thesis statement.

gamre revisd

1/30/2013 01:27:33 am

bobby orr link

1/29/2013 11:43:11 pm

introduction

This new year I am going to try to improve on my writting by puttting more detail into my writting, staying focused, re reading my work. That is how I plan to improve.

conclussiton
My new year resolution is to get a better grade in writting the only way I can do that is by staying focused, putting more detail and re reading my work over.

NooNoo

1/30/2013 01:16:27 am

@ Bobby Orr:

1.) Writing not writting
2.) putting not puttting
3.) focussed not focused
4.) grades not grade
5.) conclusion not conclussiton
6.) remember to do x, y, z, then x, y, z, not x, y, z, then y, z, x
7.) use synonyms for the words not use the same words but jumble them up.

NooNoo link

1/30/2013 12:04:03 am

Many people make resolutions or goals to set for the year. To conclude, my New Year’s Resolution is that I am going to try to be nice to my brother by 2013. This will be done by not starting disagreements, not letting HIM start arguments, and being kinder. And if I do all that, then soon our household will be unanimous.

Lots of people make New Year’s Resolutions. My New Year’s Resolution this year Is that I am going to try to be friends with my brother. I will achieve this by not causing problems, not fighting with him, and being more nice to him. And if I do that, then there will soon be peace in our household.

Bobby Orr link

1/30/2013 01:11:16 am

Good job, maybe you should just say new year resolution maybe not say new year resolution/ goal for the new year. You have to go. A,b,c because you went b,a,c, great job really good.

Noonoo

1/30/2013 01:27:03 am

Many people make resolutions or goals to set for the year. To conclude, my New Year’s Resolution is that I am going to try to be nice to my brother by 2013. This will be done by not starting disagreements, not letting HIM start arguments, and being kinder. And if I do all that, then soon our household will be unanimous.

Lots of people make New Year’s Resolutions. My New Year’s Resolution this year Is that I am going to try to be friends with my brother. I will achieve this by not causing problems, not letting HIM cause problems, and being nicer to him. And if I do that, then there will soon be peace in our household.

Juliette

1/30/2013 12:19:17 am

@ Mr.Hong i dnt fully understand it so maybe today you could explain it to me more
Study harder in class-work more in school
Being better organized-being more neat
Paying more attention in class-listening to what people have to say
i didnt want to do all of it just incase i was wrong.

Gaia link

1/30/2013 01:04:38 am

You could make your I's capital I's instead of lower case

Juliette

1/30/2013 01:15:00 am

Study harder in class-work more in school
Being better organized-being more neat
Paying more attention in class-listening to what people have to say

Juliette

1/30/2013 01:23:43 am

Study harder in class- be more on task
Become more organized- keep my work in order
Paying more attention in class-listen to instructions

Gaia

1/30/2013 01:09:08 am

You might want to "beef it up"

NooNoo

1/30/2013 03:23:26 am

Hello

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