TUESDAY: GRAPHIC ORGANIZERS

4/22/2014

Let's do some tiling!

Today, students worked on their persuasive essay outlines using a graphic organizer. It was amazing to see how engaged and passionate the students were in their learning.

In Physical Education, we started our Track & Field unit by working on drills that will help them with their running technique. The students understand the importance of technique and form when running. Click here to review some of the drills we covered in class today and to learn other ones you can do to improve your speed!

1.) MATH 6: Any assigned work.
MATH 7: Worksheet 4.3

2.) LANGUAGE ARTS:

Graphic organizers/outlines are due tomorrow.
Specific support in the form of examples, statistics, evidence, etc must be included in the 'DETAILS' section for each reason.

3.) ART: Bring your coloured tiles, hammer, and towel/rag. We will begin tomorrow.

4.) FRENCH: Oral quiz tomorrow! Back of emotions worksheet also due tomorrow.

5.) POST A RESPONSE:

Today, most of you completed your graphic organizers for your persuasive essays.
Write your first draft of your introductory paragraph here and be sure to include

a.) An inviting lead (hook)
b.) A thesis statement introducing your topic
c.) List all three reasons in the order you will write your body paragraphs in. Remember, keep it
brief and make sure you simply introduce your topic and then follow it with the three points
separated by commas.
d.) Don't forget about the givens!

VIDEO LINKS:

Ussain Bolt by Ussain Bolt - Learn How to Run Fast

Spongebob

4/22/2014 08:29:59 am

First

Spongebob

4/22/2014 08:34:25 am

Hey Carey, why are you getting so big? Why are you and your husband fighting? Imaging having these questions asked to you on a daily basis, that is basically a celebrity's life. I'm going to talk about why this is wrong and bad. Most of the things they say are: "incorrect rumors, inappropriate and unfair pictures, and it violates their privacy.

Mr. Hong link

4/23/2014 02:08:30 am

@ Spongebob - It is clear to me you understand how the introductory paragraph should be structured. Look at your last sentence and ask yourself if you need a colon and the quotation mark.

Sponge bob

4/23/2014 03:23:49 am

~Revised~
Hey Carey, how are you going to work off the weight you've gained? When will you come out with a new song? Imaging having these questions asked every day, that would be crazy. That's a celebrities life, that's why I think paparazzi need to lay off a bit because they have incorrect rumours, inappropriate and unfair pictures, and it violates privacy.

Spongebob

4/23/2014 09:17:10 am

What I changed was I changed the length and detail, I put less detail and made it shorter. Second I fixed the last sentence with the colon and quotations. Lastly I changed the words so that everything would flow better.

Pancake

4/22/2014 08:41:34 am

Second!

Gamer

4/22/2014 08:45:03 am

Abortion is a choice it is The choice of the mother not anyone else's there's because they're the only one with that baby. The baby they may not want it's a freedom to choose.

Pancake

4/22/2014 08:50:05 am

@Gamer
What side are you choosing maybe you could make that more clear. Also maybe add a more interesting hook. Good job thought.

Gamer

4/23/2014 08:56:28 am

What to do......... what to do. ..........

Hi and here is why choice is needed in certain circumstances that abortion is acceptable.

Firstly it is her choice and only her decision to have an abortion or not. Because are you holding that baby, no she is the one
that has to decide what must happen to that baby. Like if the baby is aborted or adopted or some thing else should be done with the baby she should decide.

My Secondary point is that it is part of equality for a man not to say abortion should be banned. No one should tell her how to live her life. In my opinion in certain circumstances men should not have a part in the decision made by the wife or women. If it is not the mans genetic offspring then he should not have a say in this. Or because of complicated health problems of the wife or child the man should not have a say. If the circumstance of the situation is severe like rape then abortion should be a choice.

If the severity is high enough abortion should be used.

Pancake

4/22/2014 08:47:21 am

Don't you enjoy eating fresh fruit? Well eating that can make you deadly ill. This is because of pesticides. I believe pesticides should be banned! For the following reasons, they harm wildlife, they harm us, and they pollute. I will now explain in more detail.

V.2KX

4/22/2014 09:33:58 am

@Pancake - I like how you stated all of your 3 points and you intro includes a good question but it could be a bit more hook(y).

Pancake

4/22/2014 12:10:43 pm

@V.2KX
Thank you for the feedback!

Pancake

4/22/2014 12:48:11 pm

REVISED
Mmmmmmmmm! The taste of fresh fruit and veggies! You think if you wash or buy organic fruit and veggies they are safe to eat. You are wrong! This is because of pesticides. I believe pesticides should be banned for the following reasons, they harm wildlife, they make us sick, and they pollute. I will explain each in more detail.

Pancake

4/23/2014 02:28:34 am

REVISED
Mmmmmm! They taste of fresh fruit and veggies! You probably think if you wash or even buy organic fruit and veggies, they are perfectly fine and safe to eat. You are wrong! This is because of this terribly thing called pesticides. I believe pesticides showed be banned because they can cause harm to wildlife, they can make us very sick, and they very badly pollute the environment.

Pancake

4/23/2014 03:22:10 am

REVISED
Mmmmmmm! The wonderful taste of fresh fruit and veggies! You probably think that washing or buying organic fruit and veggies means that it is safe to eat. You are very Wrong! This is because of this terrible thing called pesticides. I strongly believe that pesticides should be banned because they harm wildlife, they can make us sick, and they pollute.

V.2KX

4/22/2014 09:27:54 am

Oh no what if I get a C tomorrow on my report card?! My parents would kill me! Many students are stressed out about getting good grades. School is about learning not ranking people in each grade. If teachers think FSA's aren't fair, letter grades are the same for students. Letter grades also do not state anything. Students can do their homework every single day and get all of the answers right but on the final test, get a score they would've not imagined.

Spongebob

4/22/2014 01:40:10 pm

@ V.2KX
Good job, but I'm not fully sure what the actual opinion is, maybe you should make it more clear.

V.2KX

4/23/2014 12:57:00 am

04/22/2014 4:27pm

Oh no what if I get a C tomorrow on my report card?! My parents would kill me! I think that school letter grades should be removed. Many students are stressed out about getting good grades. School is about learning not ranking people in each grade. If teachers think FSA's aren't fair, letter grades are the same for students. Letter grades also do not state anything. Students can do their homework every single day and get all of the answers right but on the final test, get a score so bad they would've not even imagined.

Jumpergirl

4/23/2014 02:34:10 am

@V.2KX
I really liked that topic you followed the criteria and everything!

SkaterBoi

4/22/2014 09:41:03 am

Don't you love it when your really healthy and your body is really fit well you would need a goal to exercise everyday for 30 minutes. How exercising can help you is you can get a better outlook in your life. If you don't ever be fit for a very very long time you can get 2 types of diabetes. Also exercising and being fit can make you last longer before you die because your being healthy. The reason why kids should exercise is because they can be healthy growing and they would have more energy when they grow up. Before you do like push ups and sit ups and other kinds of things like that you need to warm up first. Because if you don't warm up you can pull a muscle and you can get in pain easier. It is also okay if your over weight those people can do what they want to do because thats who they are.

Pancake!

4/23/2014 01:58:14 am

Maybe make a more interesting hook. Also you can list your three points in only one sentence.

Cloud barston

4/23/2014 02:06:24 am

I like your hook, but you should probably add some evidence for your diabetes point.

V.2KX

4/23/2014 03:20:13 am

For your last sentence, it sort of seems like your switching sides because you are saying that not exercising is okay.

Princesa

4/23/2014 03:24:12 am

@skaterboi
Nice post but you have a fact wrong because you can not get diabetes from not excersising. For type 1 you need a gyne in your body to get it. For type 2 it is a medical issue they are NOT caused from not excersising I know because my bro has type 1.

SkaterBoi

4/23/2014 03:24:39 am

ATV BOY

4/22/2014 10:06:37 am

Do you get tired of people Skating and scooting on the sidewalk? Well that is why there should be more skate parks around because then people you won't be getting sore in the butt just because they have these little bumps on the edges of the bench on the street just to prevent riders from grinding it. Although if you have a skate park around you can enjoy your walk and not get bumped into by all of these riders going down the rode or sidewalk.

SkaterBoi

4/23/2014 02:02:36 am

@ ATV BOY - For my opinion I think they shouldn't make more skate parks because what if they take down trees and get rid of the grass to make skate parks I would love to have more skate parks but it can harm nature

Mr. HOng link

4/23/2014 02:05:16 am

@ ATV BOY - Your thesis statement is unclear. It is a good idea to introduce your three points in this format 'A, B, and C.' This is usually done in one concise sentence.

Icestone

4/22/2014 10:33:51 am

Opinion: Kids should be required an amount of volunteer hours to graduate Elementary School.

Intro: What can you do to gain working experience? What can you do to help homeless people live? What can you do to help obesity and video game addiction statistics go down? All three of these things can be solved by volunteer work. I think that kids should be required an amount of volunteer hours to graduate Elementary School.

Judy Moody

4/22/2014 12:23:16 pm

I like how you added questions as your reasons. You could maybe add in about how many hours do you think a kid should have before havin school?

Pancake

4/23/2014 02:11:35 am

@Icestone
I like your paragraph! Just maybe add a more interesting hook. Other than that good job!

Theoverseeker link

4/22/2014 10:44:32 am

I guess a couple buckets full of the little spazes will be good for a while *sigh* I just wish this wouldn't take up so much of my time! I mean come on I left the beach around six in the morning and now its already sundown! if only if it were easy enough to just get a bag and get them all in there. wait a second, we have a ton a rope that we don't use. maybe I can use it to make a giant bag made of rope to catch them? I'm calling it the fishing net. with this net when we get a ton of fish near the beach now we can drag it on the water and get them all at once! it wont take up so much time either. By doing that we also control how many fish can reproduce in the area to make it so that we have a fair amount of food, not to much not to little, and we get large amount of food to store. its a win win win situation!

Pancake

4/22/2014 12:16:46 pm

@Theoverseeker
Remember capitals! Also make sure to make your point and side very clear! Good job over all!

Teddy bear

4/22/2014 10:56:49 am

Teddy bear

4/22/2014 11:16:22 am

Imagine that you're in small cage, and someone sprays or gives you a strange medicine, and spray strange things in your eyes, you're dying painfully. This is what happens to 274,000 animals every day with animal testing. Would you feel happy? No, it would be so much pain. We may think it is just poking a needle into an animal’s body but that is different. Many animals are suffering for our need.
Today I would like to discuss about animal testing should be banned. I have three main points to share with you. First, the majority of animals can get hurt from animal testing, Second animal testing wastes lots of money. Last but not least, animal testing are not safe for people.

Mr. Hong link

4/23/2014 01:54:44 am

@ Teddy Bear - There is no need to use the 'First, Second, Last' transition words in your thesis statement. It is better to use those in your body paragraphs.

Teddy bear

4/23/2014 02:20:15 am

Teddy bear

4/23/2014 02:57:01 am

SAM

4/22/2014 11:01:59 am

Are you ever worried about a test you have coming and you are just so stressed about that you almost don't seem to be able to focus and study? Well this is something that always seems to happen to some students. Letter grades are some thing that is not precise and not showing what you are actually learning. But if you are to have a percentage and something saying "meeting expectations", "exceeding expectations" and "not meeting expectations" are more precise of what you know and can be explained down to the point about you know and or don't know. Letter grades are only something that is a estimate of what you know or do not know. If you think about it, between four letters showing what tou are being graded on, how can you actually precisely tell what you know and how well.

SAM

4/22/2014 11:11:58 am

Have you ever realized how pointless letter grades are and how they should be removed? I really think that they should be removed and replaced by percentages and "meeting" "exceeding" and "not meeting expectations" because you can get down to the point and see what you know and what you should improve on. With percentages you have a mark of one to one hundred to see how well you know this subject. And having the "meeting expectations" "exceeding expectations" and "not meeting expectations" can show you what you need improvent down to the point. It is just a lot more detailed and better than a grade you can be marked on between four letters.

SAM

4/22/2014 11:13:08 am

^revised^

Pancake

4/22/2014 12:13:34 pm

@SAM
Make sure to list your three points!

Greg Heffley

4/23/2014 11:26:28 am

@SAM,
Good job on your paragraph, but it is a bit long as this is just supposed to be the intro. And you could also make your 3 points more clear.

SAM

4/22/2014 11:14:20 am

Can someone please put up a doc with the math 7 worksheet that was for homework? Thank you in advance.

Greg Heffley

4/22/2014 11:28:21 am

Middle school is the transition from child to teen. I believe surrey should have middle schools. I believe this because we need more of a transition from elementary school to high school. I also believe that we could get more choice and freedom as well as smaller age gaps in middle school or junior high. 8 years at one school is a long time and many kids are feeling tired of it.

Mr. Hong link

4/23/2014 01:58:31 am

@ Greg Heffley - Great hook! I would recommend making your thesis statement clear. It is a good idea to introduce your three points in this format 'A, B, and C.' This is usually done in one concise sentence.

Greg Heffley

4/23/2014 03:12:06 am

*REVISED*

Middle school is the transition from child to teen. I believe surrey should have middle schools. I believe this because we need a transition to high school, we could get more choice and smaller age gaps. I believe this because we are at one school for to long and in with little kids. And we also are going from really strict rules to laid back rules. Middle school will give us a taste of high school without the stress.

Greg Heffley

4/23/2014 11:23:52 am

*REVISED 2*
Middle school is the transition from child to teen. I believe surrey should have middle schools. I believe this because we need a transition to high school, we could get more choice and smaller age gaps. I believe this because we are at one school for to long and in with little kids. And we also are going from really strict rules to laid back rules. Middle school will give us a taste of high school without the stress. I believe we should have middle schools and when Surrey is able to they should build them.

Greg Heffley

4/23/2014 11:28:22 am

In the past 2 revisions I have made my 3 points shorter and more clear. I have made the ending more of an ending rather than just stopping on one of the words. I have also added some of my opinions without giving away a lot of what I will be saying.

Judy moody

4/22/2014 11:56:31 am

Have you ever been in those classes where you weren't allowed to bring devices/your phone to school? I believe that electronics should be allowed at school. You can save paper, contact people, and work won't be lost.

Pancake

4/22/2014 12:25:36 pm

@Judy Moody
Maybe add a more interesting hook. Good job overall!

Judy Moody

4/22/2014 12:31:10 pm

Revised:

Imagine getting your phone taken away in class, just for searching something or trying to contact a parent? I don't think that's fair. I believe that electronics should be allowed at school. You can save paper, contact people, and work won't be lost. More teachers around BC should encourage this, so the students can learn better and they will most likely focus more.

SkaterBoi

4/23/2014 02:05:17 am

@ Judy Moody - I agree with you because it could be something important.

Judy Moody

4/23/2014 03:22:48 am

Imagine getting your phone taken away in class, just for searching something or trying to contact a parent? I don't think that's fair. I believe that electronics should be allowed at school. More teachers around BC should encourage this, so the students can learn better and they will most likely focus more. You can save paper, contact people, and work won't be lost.

jumpergirl

4/22/2014 12:28:32 pm

Why should I have an Ipad? well every kid wants a ipad to play with and to spend all their time on but for me I actually want It to help my school work.
It can benifet by being more efficent, good for homework and for good for school.
Keep reading for my evidence of these topics.

Pancake

4/22/2014 12:50:20 pm

@Jumpergirl
Maybe add a more interesting hook. Good job overall!

Cloud barston

4/23/2014 02:00:08 am

Very good topic, but where's your evedince?

Jumpergirl

4/23/2014 02:26:55 am

Ding ding ding ding! Ooh I got a new message.
Should I have an iPad?
We'll every kid wants an iPad to play with but actually I want it to work on my school things.
It can benefit me by being more efficient, good for homework and being great to use at school.
Let me tell you about these reasons read further to know.

Jumpergirl

4/23/2014 02:48:13 am

Ding ding ding ding! Ooh I got a new message!
Why should I have an iPad?
We'll every kid wants an iPad to play with and to spend all their free time on, but really I want it to hep with my school work.
It can be beneficial to many kids that need a boost of help with their school work.
How? We'll let me tell you, it can be more efficient, good for at home work and great for school to!

Jumpergirl

4/23/2014 03:07:08 am

Ding ding ding ding! Ooh I got a new message!
Why should I have an iPad?
Well every kid wants an iPad to play with and to spend all their free time on, but really I want it to help with my school work.
It can be beneficial to many kids like it can be more efficient with work at school and work at home.

Jumpergirl

4/23/2014 03:16:47 am

Ding ding ding ding! Ooh I got a new message!
Why should I have an iPad?
Well every kid wants an iPad to play with and to spend all their free time on, but really I want it to help with my school work.
IPads can be very beneficial to many kids because it can be more efficient with work at school and work at home.

Jumpergirl

4/23/2014 03:20:45 am

Ding ding ding ding! Ooh I got a new message!
Why should I have an iPad?
Well every kid wants an iPad to play with and to spend all their free time on, but really I want it to help with my school work.
IPads can be very beneficial to many kids because it can be more efficient with work at school, work at home and with work on the go.

Jumper girl

4/23/2014 03:25:22 am

Ding ding ding ding! Ooh I got a new message! Why should I have an iPad.Well every kid wants an iPad to play with and to spend all their free time on, but really I want it to help with my school work.
IPads can be very beneficial to many kids because it can be more efficient with work at school, work at home and with work on the go.

Forgot yo put it in paragraph form.

Cookielover

4/22/2014 01:17:21 pm

Good evening ladies and gentlemen, I'm cookielover here with why I think net fishing in the ocean should be illegal and some others that think it should stop to. Usain Bolt - It should be illegal because toxic animals could be caught and eaten. Babe Ruth live from graveyard field - It should stop because exotic animals could be caught like the snub nose dolphin. Paul McCartney - Animal could be caught and eaten that shouldn't. Thank you gentlemen now back to you Ted.

Gooner

4/22/2014 01:54:29 pm

I like your essay but you should try to make it more clear and explain it more because I did not really get the Babe Ruth and Paul McCartney part.

Cookielover

4/23/2014 02:09:01 am

Revised
Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I'm Cookielover here to tell you why I think net fishing in the oceans should be illegal and stopped. A, It should stop because rare animals like the megashark and snub nose dolphin could get caught and eaten. B, Toxic animals could be could be caught in the tuna nets and be put into tuna cans and eaten like the puffer fish. C, Animals that are bad to eat could be and also eaten like the puffer fish. Now back to you Ted.

Cookielover

4/23/2014 02:20:29 am

Revised 2:
Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I'm Cookielover here to tell you why net fishing in the oceans should stop and be illegal. Rare animals could be caught, toxic animals could be caught and eaten and animals that should not be eaten could be. Thank you for watching ladies and gentlemen now back to you Ted.

Cloud barston

4/23/2014 02:22:03 am

I like your intro and your conclusion sentences, but you should use examples from a reliable source.

Cookielover

4/23/2014 02:31:55 am

Revised 3:
Good morning ladies and gentlemen, I'm Cookielover here to tell you why net fishing in the oceans should stop and be illegal. Loss of species, death and toxic animals eaten.

Oracle

4/22/2014 01:23:19 pm

People should have privacy! My topic is based on Privacy and here are my 3 reasons why, To get the alone time we need, To have the space we need to use for our work, and for some peace and quiet. To explain my first reason, we could use that time alone just to do what we want to and to get some space, if we never had alone time then you'd be stuck in a world where 20 trees are surrounding you. The second reason why is so we can focus on the task that you are doing. For example, homework, projects, presentations, worksheets, etc. If we need help on those things then you could ask someone to help you. Third reason why is so we can just relax, without a single thing making noise but nature. Stephen Hawking once said "I don't want to write an autobiography because I would become public property with no privacy left." Meaning that he had no privacy in public.

SkaterBoi

4/23/2014 02:08:18 am

@ Oracle - For my opinion I think that there is not that much privacy in the world.

Oracle

4/23/2014 02:56:39 am

People should have privacy! Three reasons why we should have privacy is because to get the alone time we need, To have the space we need to use for our work, and for some peace and quiet. Most famous people around the world never get the time alone. If you were someone who would always be followed by someone that you don't know, would you be scared? Of course I would, Stephen Hawking once said "I don't want to write an autobiography because I would become public property with no privacy left." Meaning that he had no privacy in public or most places. Everything has to make a change, even you can make a change.

Oracle

4/22/2014 01:24:56 pm

Could someone please put up the questions 9, 11, and 4. Like questions A, B, and C then tell me what it says?

Gooner

4/22/2014 01:36:31 pm

What page is it?

Oracle

4/22/2014 02:12:54 pm

I think it was page 186

Pancake

4/22/2014 03:51:23 pm

@Oracal
Four has a picture so I can't post that one but I can do 9 and 11.
9.) Four out of every five days, Lisa's bus is on time. What percent of time is Lisa's bus late? How do you know?
11.) Write each ratio as a percent. Use a grid to help you.
A) 12:100
B) 7:25
C) 8:10
D) 3:5

Oracle

4/23/2014 01:25:56 am

I mean't 14 but thank you anyways, @Pancake.

Gooner

4/22/2014 01:52:14 pm

"Oh hey Devin did you see that boy over there he is so fat." Do you really want to be the one hearing this do you want to be the one that people are calling ugly, fat, disgusting, Weird and other stuff? I don't think so. Kids these days in elementary school and high school are teasing and making fun of other people is just wrong. For 3 reasons. 1 is that even if its not bulling people might think that they are huge after that one comment. 2 is that people shouldn't have to hear that they are ugly because maybe that one person is trying so hard to fit in by exercising putting on make-up all the time and trying to wear nice clothes. 3 is that people are getting judged to much so they loose their friends and every body that cared for them. In this essay I will talk about how wrong it is to do that.

Gooner

4/22/2014 01:58:11 pm

I'm doing this essay topic because I found this website and it was pretty sad what people do to other people. Heres the link:

https://www.childline.org.uk/Talk/AskSam/the-way-you-look/self-esteem/Pages/Im-ugly.aspx

Fish sticks

4/23/2014 02:03:42 am

@gooner- I like what topic you have chosen it is important that this stops but just remember to take your time and work on your punctuation and grammar. I was wondering if it is just teasing or if it was also physical. I was also wondering if it is about bullying? :D

Gooner

4/23/2014 02:07:28 am

@fishsticks
Well it is going to be about those topics but this is just the beginning of my essay so I'll write more about that stuff in the middle of my essay.

Oracle

4/23/2014 02:06:57 am

The only reason why they tease people is for power, power is something most people want to have but nobody has gotten control of it. The topic was great, do you think you can add a few examples?

SkaterBoi

4/23/2014 02:11:01 am

Some people tease others because they think it's fun and funny trust me I have teased lots of people before.

Pancake

4/23/2014 02:32:30 am

@Gooner
You don't have to put so much detail in intro paragraph. Save that for your body paragraph. All you have to do is put a hook and list your three point. Good job!

Gooner

4/23/2014 02:34:29 am

REVISED
"Oh hey Devin did you see that boy over there he is so fat." Do you really want to be the one hearing this do you want to be the one that people are calling ugly, fat, disgusting, Weird and other stuff? I don't think so. I think that in elementary school and high school teasing and making fun of other people has become to common. For 3 reasons. Firstly, is that even if its not bulling people might think that they are huge after that one comment. Next, is that people shouldn't have to hear that they are ugly because maybe that one person is trying so hard to fit in by exercising putting on make-up all the time and trying to wear nice clothes. Thirdly, is that people are getting judged to much so they loose their friends and every body that cared for them. I will tell you more in this essay.

Gooner

4/23/2014 02:42:48 am

REVISED #2
"Oh hey Devin did you see that boy over there he is so fat." Do you really want to be the one hearing this do you want to be the one that people are calling ugly, fat, disgusting, Weird and other stuff? I don't think so. I think that in elementary school and high school teasing and making fun of other people has become to common. This is wrong because kids that are getting teased feel left out and think that they are big, they might be trying hard to fit in, and they can loose friends.

Gooner

4/23/2014 03:00:04 am

REVISED #3

Gooner

4/23/2014 03:12:54 am

REVISED #3
Oh hey Devin did you see that boy over there he is so fat." Do you really want to be the one hearing this do you want to be the one that people are calling ugly, fat, disgusting, Weird and other stuff? I don't think so. I think that in elementary school and high school teasing and making fun of other people has become to common. This is wrong because kids feel left out, try hard to fit in, and can be ostracized.

Fish sticks

4/22/2014 02:16:22 pm

Mr.Hong, Mrs.Farrel, Mrs.Middlleton, Mrs.Van, Mrs.Wilson, Mr.Auston; I sure appreciate all the children in these classes... but what I want to know is where are the other kids? There should be two more classes filled with kids our age here at Hillcrest. Take a look around these are only a few of the friends you should have had the rest of them are murdered. I think abortions should be illegal because it is murder, it endangers the women who have it done, and there are other options.

V.2KX

4/22/2014 02:42:26 pm

I am not sure if you have 3 points.

Fish sticks

4/23/2014 01:58:04 am

I do they are it is murder, it endangers the women, and there are oth options. :D

Gooner

4/23/2014 02:01:11 am

Your response was really good but maybe you should try to make it a little more clear when stating the 3 points.

Pancake

4/23/2014 02:02:10 am

@Fish Sticks
Your three points are a little unclear. Maybe you could list them in one sentence to make it more clear?

Fish sticks

4/23/2014 02:05:02 am

Okay

Fish sticks

4/23/2014 03:21:16 am

Six classes filled with 28 kids each; I sure appreciate all of them... but what I want to know is where are the other kids? There should be two more classes filled with kids our age here at Hillcrest. Take a look around these are only a few of the friends you should have, the rest of them were murdered. I think abortions should be illegal because it is murder, it endangers the women who have had an abortion, and there are other options.

Fish sticks

4/23/2014 02:59:32 pm

I changed the hook, made it less wordy and changed some punctuation.

Loki

4/22/2014 02:22:24 pm

"Chimpanzees are going mentally insane because of captivity!" That is not a lie acording to discovery Chanel, the chimpanzees are even trying to kill them selfs that is very sad. Hi, do you wanna go to a zoo? Good for you. You like looking at tourchered animals that have been ripped out of their natural envorinment. I think that zoos should be ilegal because firsly they get but in unnatural habitats, bad health but you could always help and I will also talk about how you can.

Cloud barston

4/23/2014 02:18:37 am

Your post is very interesting and I want to learn more about your topic. Good post!

Loki

4/23/2014 02:47:20 am

Thank you!

Loki

4/23/2014 03:11:02 am

"Chimpanzees are going insane duo to beefing in captivity!" That is not a lie that is true. According to the Discovery Chanel they have started to harm them selfs. That is why I wish Zoos should be illegal, I know some people think there good but this is opinion and I can back it up like how they are taken out of the wild and have bad health but not only that but their are many was to help out I will tell who to trust and how to donate!

Yogi Bear

4/22/2014 02:36:08 pm

Can you imagine a world of obese people that can barely walk? I know I can't. That is why I am saying that kids should spend at least 60 minutes a day playing outside or being active. My first reason why I think kids should get 60 minutes of physical activity day is because kids spend too much time on electronics and it makes them lazy. My second reason is the not enough exercise leads to obesity and if someone is obese it makes it harder for them to run fast and play sports. My third reason is that exercise makes you happy because when you exercise it releases a chemical in your body that makes you feel good and be happy.

Yogi Bear REVISED

4/23/2014 02:24:00 am

Can you imagine a world of obese people that can barely walk? I know I can't. That is why I am saying that kids should spend at least 60 minutes a day playing outside or being active. Kids nowadays spend to much time on electronics, live a sedentary lifestyle, and always feeling dull or unhappy.

Yogi Bear REVISED

4/23/2014 03:25:26 am

Can you imagine a world of obese people that can barely walk? I know I can't. That is why I am saying that kids should spend at least 60 minutes a day playing outside or being active. Kids nowadays spend to much time on electronics, live sedentary lifestyles, and always feeling somewhat depressed.

Yogi Bear

4/23/2014 10:52:39 am

I had my reasons in three different sentences so I changed that to make it only one sentence with all the reasons. I also added the adjective sedentary which means being somewhat inactive. Those were the only things I really changed.

Butteflypuppy

4/23/2014 02:29:43 am

I like you intro, but if kids were busy a lot of the time what would you recommend then doing for physical activities?

Icestone

4/23/2014 03:09:18 am

@ Butterflypuppy - I don't think he should out that in the intro, he should save it for the body paragraphs.

Bobby Orr

4/23/2014 12:46:57 am

Ding ding ding the mitts are off the fight begins, the crowd is going nuts it's a great fight then he comes witha left upper cut and wins. Then the hockey resumes he scores then he scores. Can you imagine NHL hockey with out fighting wow would that be weird or what there are lots if reasons why fighting should stay I have already explained the entertainment at the start. Secondly because the players know the risk of there possibly being a injury but they like it and lots of the players said they want fighting to stay.

Mr. Hong link

4/23/2014 02:13:27 am

@ Bobby Orr - I would recommend making your thesis statement clear. It is a good idea to introduce your three points in this format 'A, B, and C.' This is usually done in one concise sentence. No need to use transition words like 'First, Second, Third, Finally, etc' in your introductory paragraph. These can be saved for your body paragraphs.

SkaterBoi

4/23/2014 02:23:02 am

@ Bobby Orr - I don't think they should continue fighting because it can cause bad injuries and getting knocked out in front of everyone.

Gaia

4/23/2014 01:08:56 am

I was not here so....

But I have visited the website!

Butterflypuppy

4/23/2014 01:33:08 am

Do you like it when people are smoking around you and have bad that smells well I don't and my topic is in ''People Shouldn't Smoke" 1 reason is that it can cause cancer. Some types of cancer are lung cancer, heart cancer, brain cancer, kidney cancer, mouth cancer, eye cancer, head and neck cancer. 2nd reason is that it will cause bad breath,Also that it will make you spend ALOT of your money to bye then when all that money should go to something better like grocery and gas for your car.

Mr. Hong link

4/23/2014 02:03:25 am

I would recommend making your thesis statement clear. It is a good idea to introduce your three points in this format 'A, B, and C.' This is usually done in one concise sentence.

Pancake

4/23/2014 02:04:47 am

@Butterflypuppy
Maybe add a more interesting hook?

Butterflypuppy

4/23/2014 02:12:06 am

{REVISED}

Do you like it when people are smoking around you and after that they have bad breath well I don't. If you ever smoke, there are things that can happen to you like you can get different types of cancer, It will take all your money away by buying them, And it will also cause bad breath.

Butterflypuppy

4/23/2014 02:41:01 am

Do you like it when people smoke and have bad breath? Well, I don't. If you ever smoke there are bad things that could happen to you, for example you can get different types of cancer, you could get a lot of money taken away that can be used for more important things, and also will cause for you to have bad breath. Is that what you really want?

Butterflypuppy

4/23/2014 03:08:31 am

{REVISED again}
Do you like it when people smoke and have bad breath? Well, I don't. If you ever smoke there are bad things that could happen to you, for example you can get different types of cancer, you could get a lot of money taken away that can be used for more important things, and also will cause for you to have bad breath. Do you really want that to happen to you?

Butterflypuppy {REVISED}

4/23/2014 03:26:30 am

Do you like it when people smoke and have bad breath? Well, I don't. If you ever smoke, bad things that could happen to you. You can get different types of cancer, you could spend to much money that should be used for more important things, It can also cause you to have yellow teeth. Do you really want that to happen to you?

Ichigo

4/23/2014 01:37:26 am

We don't need another drug, eyeliner, food etc. Why do we only test it on certain animals. It is abuse to them. In fact it is bad for us as well. 106,000 people die from the drugs a year tested on those animals. Also, all those chemicals from those things tested can kill them. It will take away their beauty, it discomforts them and causes irritation, but it also can cause an allergic reaction and kill them. But most importantly animals have their own rights. The deserve their freedom, but us taking them out of their habitats takes away that freedom and their life. They also have emotions and feeling like humans. In fact, humans are also animals. We have been ruling the earth for a very long time, so we basically dictated every animal and never gave them a chance.

Oracle

4/23/2014 02:01:35 am

I agree, we should care about the animal rights and stop the testing on them. The more drugs, the less species, In just about 5 years they would be extinct and we need those animals for our life too. Chickens are important because they give us eggs, without eggs we wouldn't get the protein they'd give us.

Ichigo

4/23/2014 02:47:31 am

Actually, I'm pretty sure they don't do it on chicken. They do it on things like monkeys and rats, and some other poor animals.

Ichigo

4/23/2014 03:08:35 am

REVISED

Can you imagine what it would be like to be forced out of your natural habitat to be tested on. Sadly, that's what scientist are doing today. Animal testing is abusive, we don't need another eyeliner, soap, food or drug, and most importantly animals have their own rights.

Princesa

4/23/2014 03:02:05 am

Have you ever seen girls in boody shorts and see though shirts at school I know I have. I feel schools should have uniforms so this doesn't happen. I have three points to talk about, A girls are wearing way to inappropriate cloths, B a uniform is a badge of pride, C it makes getting ready in the morning easier.

Princesa REVISED

4/23/2014 03:13:50 am

Have you ever gone to school and seen kids in booty shorts and see though shirts I know I have, that is why I feel that schools should have uniforms. I feel this because, A kids are wearing inappropriate clothes, B uniforms are badges of pride, C it is easier to get ready in the morning.

Fish sticks

4/23/2014 03:25:16 am

@Princesa-One thing I did notice was the ABCs. Mr.Hong said that we should just put in some commas and leave the firstly secondly and thirdly for our other paragraphs. :D

princesa REVISED REVISED

4/23/2014 09:00:13 am

booty shorts we have all seen them but why do kids wear them in the first place. Who know's why all I know is that there inappropriate, That is why I feel that all kinds of schools should have uniforms. I feel this because kids are wearing inappropriate clothes, uniforms are badges of pride, it is easier to get ready in the morning.

Juliette

4/23/2014 03:27:44 am

And the next Miss America is. Imagine coming last out of 25 people in a pageant. Looking over and seeing how perfect the girls look and thinking why you didn't win. Maybe you think your fat, not tall enough, don't have a good 1,000$ dress or maybe you think your flipper wasn't white enough.

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