TUESDAY: Concluding Paragraphs

11/25/2014

Winter Owls with our Buddies

Today, students did some 'THINK/PAIR/SHARE' activities when they were brainstorming future occupations/careers they might be interested in. Many students were excited to learn about their possible careers. They will begin organizing the different careers into different groups tomorrow and will also begin learning about them and what it takes to obtain specific occupations.

1.) LA:

Click here and read through this link on concluding paragraphs. You will be quizzed on the concluding paragraph structure in class tomorrow.
Also, you must watch this video to prepare you for tomorrow's quiz on essay structure.

2.) MATH 6: Any assigned work.
MATH 7:

Complete 3.6 worksheet using the strategies taught in class today.
SECOND QUIZ on multiplying decimals in class tomorrow.
Have both quizzes from this week and last week signed and returned for tomorrow.

3.) POST A RESPONSE:

Before completing this post, make sure you have completed the L.A. homework above or it will not make much sense to you. You must follow the concluding paragraph structure on the link provided in the L.A. homework section.
Write your concluding paragraph and post it here.
Copy and paste it to your Google Drive essay document.
Give at least two students feedback/suggestions on what they can do to improve their essays.
Respond to feedback and improve your concluding paragraph.
Copy and paste your edited/revised version to your Google Drive document.
If you have any questions, please post them here.

VIDEO LINKS/USEFUL LINKS:
How to Write a Concluding Paragraph
How to Write an Essay Rap

Yogi Bear

11/25/2014 08:03:43 am

First

Azbo

11/25/2014 08:04:41 am

Rainbow Unicorn

11/25/2014 08:39:48 am

sup

Yogi Bear

11/25/2014 08:05:40 am

In summary, I think that it is very important to have passions because without them, you probably wouldn't be doing anything. Also, it wouldn't be fun to not enjoy anything you do. My passions are soccer, family and friends, and other sports. What are you passionate about?

Mr. Hong link

11/25/2014 08:59:10 am

@ Yogi Bear - We usually rephrase the thesis statement in the first sentence of the concluding paragraph. Use different words and rephrase it creatively as your first sentence. Also, be sure to review the links I provided in the L.A. section (link and video). Edit and revise after doing so.

I hope your leg is feeling better. I had a student who broke his leg once and he was up and running very quickly! I'm sure you are going to recover in no time!

Yogi Bear *REVISED*

11/25/2014 12:45:59 pm

In summary, those are my passions that the adjectives described in the intro paragraph. My passions are soccer, family and friends, and other sports. What are you passionate about?

Thank you Mr.Hong!

Azbo

11/25/2014 08:17:33 am

In concusion, My passions means lots to me. My passions make sitting on the couch having nothing to do, to spending time on them happy I have them thinking what is yet to come... From drawing that picture that I never thougtht I could draw to me and my family enjoying are time together

Azbo

11/25/2014 08:18:40 am

Whoops I put submit by an accident.

Azbo

11/25/2014 08:21:26 am

In concusion, My passions means lots to me. My passions make sitting on the couch having nothing to do, to spending time on them happy I have them thinking what is yet to come... From drawing that picture that I never thought I could draw to me and my family enjoying are time together to scoring that amazing goal in soccer. These passions will never leave me.

Azbo REVISED

11/25/2014 08:35:13 am

In conclusion, My passions means lots to me. My passions make sitting on the couch having nothing to do, to spending time on them happy I have them thinking what is yet to come... From drawing that picture that I never thought I could draw to me and my family enjoying our time together to scoring that amazing goal in soccer. These passions will never leave me.

Mr. Hong link

11/25/2014 09:02:28 am

@ Azbo - you don't need to capitalize 'my' in your first sentence.Your second sentence is very long and wordy. Think of a simpler and more concise way of rephrasing your thesis statement.

Goofy

11/26/2014 12:43:15 am

I dont understand where you said to spending time on them happy.

Cookielover

11/25/2014 08:36:57 am

Lastly, I hope you liked reading about my passions but I have one question.(14) What are you passionate about?(5) Hope you enjoyed it!(4)

Mr. Hong link

11/25/2014 08:54:11 am

@ Cookielover - You have not read tonight's post and you have clearly not read through the link or watched the video. Please do this and improve on your concluding paragraph. In addition to this, please read my comments that I have posted for everyone.

Yogi Bear

11/25/2014 12:49:47 pm

@Cookielover- Your concluding paragraph doesn't really make sense because you had some grammar issues and you didn't restate the thesis statement. Other than that, good job!

Cookielover *REVISED*

11/26/2014 03:43:27 am

In the end, I hoped you liked my passion paragraph. If you forgot what my passions were fuzzy marsupials, sick soccer, and fun friends. If you have passions what are you passionate about?

tacosaur

11/25/2014 08:41:37 am

To conclude with, these are my three strongest passions. These are the passions that help identify who I am today and what it is that I like to do.
As previously stated hockey is my number one passion and I wish to continue playing for many, many more years to come. My second passion, as I have already mentioned is that of cooking. I believe cooking as I have said, is an important life skill that is something good to have and know. Lastly, my family is my other important passion to me. Family will always be there for you to help you out and look out for you at all times.
Anyways, this sums me up in a nutshell.

Mr. Hong link

11/25/2014 09:04:26 am

@ Tacosaur - Don't forget to read the link I provided and watch the video that I posted. These will both give you ideas on how to construct your concluding paragraph.

You should rewrite your first two sentences of your concluding paragraph so it is one concise one. Also, you have included too many details in your concluding about your passions. It is very important you read through the link I provided.

PS Are you feeling better?

Mr. Hong link

11/25/2014 08:50:09 am

@ Everyone - See if you can think of a more unique way to start your concluding paragraphs. For example, use a different transition word and try not to simply use 'In conclusion or to conclude'.

Mr. Hong link

11/25/2014 08:56:16 am

@ Everyone - If you know who emptied the density towers in the sink today, please email me.

Pebbles

11/25/2014 09:19:22 am

@Mr. Hong, the link for the video is not working but I have read the other the link.

Goofy

11/25/2014 09:32:14 am

Conclusion Paragraph
(8 sentences) Firstly my most important passion is family. (10 words) I love my family so much because they support me and without them I would not be where I am now. (21 words) To focus on my family I also need time for traveling. (11 words) Here’s my second passion which is traveling. (7 words) I love traveling because I get to see different peoples culture and different foods. (14 words) And finally my third passion which is cars. (8 words) I love cars because they can get you places other vehicles or humans can't and I also like them because they have some major science behind them. (27 words)
I wonder what your passions. (6 words)Create your own passion essay and I’ll love to read it. (11 words)

Mr. Hong link

11/25/2014 10:04:37 am

@ Goofy - I think you might be a little confused. This is not the structure you should be using. Make sure you read through the link I provided in the LA section and watch the video. Pay attention to the concluding paragraph section. This is how you should write it:

1.) Restate your thesis statement. This means you must use different words but say the same thing you did in your thesis statement from your introductory paragraph. You put way too much information about each of your passions. Eliminate some of the information you have repeated. For example: Here's my second passion which is traveling. you don't need to say this.

2.) I like your concluding statement that leaves the reader wondering. Good work!

Goofy

11/26/2014 03:52:21 am

CONCLUSION revised
In summary my interest are in family,traveling, and cars. Without family life isn't complete thats why I love the family I got. Traveling is awesome you get to try magnificent food. Cars are amazing without them we would get know where. Next time you see me think about my passions.

Puffle

11/25/2014 09:32:35 am

For the most part, those were my passions and as you can tell, I'm a very artistic person. (14) My passions include photography, art, reading, and music. (8) Now that you know mine, it's time for me to know yours. (10) What are your passions? (4) (4)

Pebbles

11/25/2014 09:39:08 am

@Puffle, I like your concluding paragraph it did not have the same first sentence as most concluding paragraph do. I have one suggestion and that is to change the last to sentences and maybe make them like this.

Now you've learned about my passions. So it's time for you to tell me yours, so what are your passions!

Pebbles

11/25/2014 09:34:13 am

In summary, these are my most important passions. Whether it's scoring a goal in soccer or singing so loud I get yelled at by my sister. Theses are my passions that I could never lose. So, what are you passionate about?

Mr. Hong link

11/25/2014 10:05:24 am

@ Pebbles - I think you may have forgotten to mention your third passion when you restated your thesis.

Pebbles

11/25/2014 10:16:50 am

I have stated all my passions soccer, scoring a goal in soccer. Singing, sing so loud that. Family I get yelled at by my sister. But to make it more clear I will re-word it.

Pebbles (Revised)

11/25/2014 10:20:22 am

In summary, these are my most important passions. Whether it's scoring a goal in soccer or singing so loud I get yelled at by my family. These are my passions that I could never lose. So, what are you passionate about?

Pebbles (Revised 2)

11/26/2014 12:10:32 am

In summary, these are my most important passions. Whether it's scoring a goal in soccer or singing so loud that I get a sore throat and fighting with my sister about a silly thing. These are my passions that I chose, love, and could never lose. So, what are you passionate about?

Pebbles (Revised3)

11/26/2014 06:53:59 am

In summary, these are my most important passions. Whether it's scoring a goal in soccer, singing in front of one person, or spending time with the ones I love. These are my passions that I chose, love, and could never lose. So, what are you passionate about?

Julio

11/25/2014 09:39:20 am

In conclusion, with out passions we would all be standing around doing nothing. We all have tons of passions, I have more than just guitar, traveling, and family. So next time you're standing around bored just remember you have passions and you should go do them!

Julio

11/25/2014 10:45:29 am

Can someone give feedback?

Azbo

11/25/2014 11:52:54 am

@Julio I really like your response it paints a good picture in my head what your trying to say however you should add more detail like just a breif example you said you should go do them. Do what? What you should say is you should go do your passions so the reader doesn't think get guitar, traveling and family is what to do. Another example is you said "So next time you are standing around bored just remeber you have passions. Please explian that in a better way. Good job overall just work on those!!

Julio

11/25/2014 12:15:29 pm

Thanks, I fixed it.

Julio

11/25/2014 12:14:56 pm

EDITED/REVISED

In conclusion, without passions we would all be standing around doing nothing. We all have tons of passions, I have more than just guitar, traveling, and family. So next time you're standing around bored with nothing to do, just remember you have passions and you should go do those passions!

Azbo

11/25/2014 11:31:29 pm

That looks more like it now I know what you are trying to say!!

SMARTY-PANTS

11/25/2014 09:54:53 am

WHAT DO WE HAVE TO DO HERE? IM CONFUSED..

mr.potato

11/25/2014 10:04:43 am

scroll up and see the post a response.

p.s who are you?

Mr.Potato

11/25/2014 10:08:18 am

Mr.hong. This is creepy!

daisyduck

11/25/2014 11:48:19 am

@smarty-pants why all caps?

Xbox man

11/25/2014 10:01:03 am

Well that was my all three passions! Make sure to find yours and cherish it in your heart. I hope you liked my passions and you find your interesting, exiting passions! Feedback plz!

Mr. Hong link

11/25/2014 10:08:07 am

@ XBOX MAN - It is clear to me you didn't watch the video or read the link I provided in the LA section. Please read it and edit/revise your concluding paragraph following the concluding paragraph structure.

Mr.Potto

11/25/2014 10:05:57 am

In conclusion, These things are very special to me. They help me pass time, Enjoy the little things that matter, and enjoy life with me. Next time you decide you don't want to do things with my family and friends remember this and go enjoy the time you have with them doing the things you love to do!

Mr. Hong link

11/25/2014 10:14:49 am

@ Mr. Potto - You don't need to capitalize 'these'. You also do not have to capitalize 'enjoy'.

Please watch the video and read the link I provided. you need to restate your thesis statement in different words. this should be your first sentence in your concluding paragraph. Does that make sense? let me know if it is unclear.

@ EVERYONE!!!!

BASIC EXAMPLE:
Intro paragraph thesis statement - My passions are sports, reading, and traveling.

Concluding paragraph restatement - I am passionate about athletic activities, reading novels, and learning about new cultures!

- This is a simple/basic example so it is easier to understand what I mean by restating your thesis (from your intro) into your conclusion.

Mr.Potato (not Mr.Potto)

11/25/2014 10:33:10 am

Mr.Hong,
I read the links and your comment but it still dosnt make perfect sense. Is this better?

In conclusion, These things are very special to me. Capturing memories, Exploring the unknown, and being with the ones I love. Next time you decide you don't want to do things with my family and friends remember this and go outside and enjoy the time you have with them doing the things you love to do!

Mr. Hong

11/25/2014 11:51:47 am

@ Mr. Potato - Your revised version is much better!

Tacosaur

11/25/2014 10:11:02 am

@pebbles, good passions but I think you need one more.

Mr. Hong link

11/25/2014 10:15:36 am

@ Tacosaur - Good Suggestion! I think Smarty Pants is missing a passion.

Tacosaur

11/25/2014 10:19:13 am

@Mr.Potto, your conclusion shows that time and people are important to you but it doesn't really specify your passions.

Pebbles

11/25/2014 10:22:26 am

Tacosaur, great suggestion just make sure to reply to the person you commenting to and then give your feed back.

Mr. Hong link

11/25/2014 10:29:51 am

@ Tacosaur - I just want to compliment you once again on really reading his concluding paragraph and giving him a specific suggestion on what he can do to improve his work! Keep up the good work! Keep helping your classmates learn!

TACOSAUR REVISED

11/25/2014 10:28:06 am

To conclude with, these are my three strongest passions that help identify who I am today and what it is that I like to do.
As previously stated hockey is my number one passion and I wish to continue playing for many, many more years to come. My second passion, as I have already mentioned is that of cooking as I have said, is an important life skill that is something good to have and know. Lastly, my family is my other important passion. Family will always be there for you to help you out and look out for you at all times.
Anyways, this sums me up in a nutshell.

Cloud barston

11/25/2014 10:31:30 am

In conclusion, Those are my passions: photography, family, and cooking. My Passions are very important to me and yours are to you. those are my passions.

Julio

11/25/2014 10:44:30 am

You said "those are my passions" 2 times, and you shouldn't just list you're passions and say there important to you put something that might want someone to read another one of you essays. Look at Mr. Hong's link it will help. Good job!

Cloud barston

11/26/2014 03:30:55 am

REVISED
In conclusion, my passions are : photography, family, and cooking. My Passions are very important to me and yours are to you. Those are my passions.

SnappingTurtle

11/25/2014 10:45:49 am

I really hope you enjoyed my Passions and really learned some new things about me,
Oh and 1 more thing, What are your passions?

Teddy bear

11/25/2014 11:23:17 am

In conclusion, My passions makes me happy, cheerful and exciting. I am passionate about traveling, family, and friends. What are you passionate about?

Fish sticks

11/26/2014 03:33:31 am

@Teddy bear- I like your concluding paragraph but maybe you could add a bit more detail in between your thesis statement and your hook. Also the proper grammar for excitng would be excited.

Teddy bear

11/26/2014 03:46:22 am

(Revised) In conclusion, my passions make me happy, cheerful and excited. I am passionate about traveling, family, and friends. What are you passionate about?

OMGCOTTONCANDY

11/25/2014 11:27:28 am

In conclusion, I hope you learned a lot about my passions which were soccer, gymnastics, and family. I hope to learn about my passions. I also hope to learn about your passions, and why you're passions are so important to you.

Rainbow Unicorn

11/25/2014 01:38:40 pm

@OMGCOTTONCANDY your paragraph was really good but in your revised paragraph you should use more detail

Batman

11/25/2014 11:44:38 am

in conclusion I hope you have enjoyed my passions and learned a little about me and they were friends,sports and family

Mr. Hong

11/25/2014 11:50:05 am

@ Batman - You have not completed tonight's assignment. You MUST read the link I provided and watch the video in order to understand how to create your concluding paragraph.

daisy duck

11/25/2014 12:10:55 pm

In conclusion these passions are very important for me, they help me express what I love and helps me pass time with the things I love do even do with my friends and family always remember the times when you are having really fun as a good memory when you sad or bored. passions are important as having fun with your family or friends! Hope you enjoyed reading my passion essay.

PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK :) !!!

TweetyBird

11/25/2014 12:40:59 pm

1.) Your first sentence did not make sense when you said "I love do even do"

2.) Also in your first paragraph you had a grammar issue when you said "you are having really fun" (You could rephrase that by saying "you are having fun" or "you are really having fun")

3.) In your second sentence you did not capatalize the p in passions.

4.) You could also improve on your last sentence by making the readers want more (ex. adding a question)

Daisy duck

11/26/2014 03:24:39 am

ok thanks :)

Daisyduck

11/25/2014 12:12:46 pm

PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK!! :) on this post i put on so it could go to me directly!

Ariel.

11/25/2014 12:15:12 pm

In conclusion those are my best and my greatest passions, which I love so much. Family is a very loving thing to have in the whole entire world, soccer is a awesome active sport, and art has very creative imaginations, thoughts, as well as ideas. I will now remember my wonderful, greatful passions always and forever.

Ariel. (REVISED)

11/26/2014 03:44:33 am

To summarize, those are my best and my greatest passions, which I love so much. Family is a very loving thing to have in the whole entire world, soccer is a awesome active sport, and art has very creative imaginations, thoughts, as well as ideas. I will now remember my wonderful, greatful passions always and forever.

TweetyBird

11/25/2014 12:34:39 pm

(6 sentences) Those are my 3 most favourite passions. (7 words) Everyone has a hobby or a favourite thing to do. (10 words) It could be a sport, instrument, or even collecting something. (10 words) Again, my passions are playing piano, traveling, and reading. (9 words) Those are my passions. (4 words) So, what are yours?(4 words)

Please give feedback:)

TweetyBird

11/26/2014 12:52:50 pm

In summary, those are my top three passions that I love and can’t live without. They make you feel like you can do anything, like when you press down that key that satisfies you more than anything, or that amazing feeling you get when you explore the unexplored, and when you pick up the perfect book and start a whole new adventure. Again, my three passions are playing the piano, traveling the world, and reading. What are your passions?

Oracle

11/25/2014 12:52:19 pm

To conclude, try to be passionate about something good either than a simple passion of for example, dogs and say “I am passionate about dogs because I just am.” And I hope you learned much, much, much more about myself and what and why I’m passionate about drawing, family, and lastly, playing. Oh great, now I got to fix up my desk and work area. But before I do, I hope you saved me some popcorn so you could tell me what you’re passionate about, what are you passionate about?

@Mr. Hong, I won't be revising and taking feedback until 10:00 PM since my mom and brother need to use it for their studies.

Oracle

11/26/2014 12:08:02 am

And also, I'm not feeling very well so if it's okay that I could come in Thursday or Friday to do the re-test?

Ariel.

11/26/2014 03:35:18 am

@Oracle, that was one interesting conclusion. But just remember we do not use "because" in our concluding paragraphs, because you already had done on why you are passionate about your passions. But other than that great job.

Rainbow Unicorn

11/25/2014 01:33:27 pm

concluding paragraph:[2s]
So well those are my “passions”.(6) firstly my family may not be so perfect, secondly we may not be rich enough to go on a vacation all the time, thirdly I might not play all three instruments perfectly, and finally, my friends may not be the most………..well friendliest people in the world so let me catch my breath and say my life is not perfect, but these people or things are more than good enough for me.(74)

Fish sticks

11/26/2014 12:04:24 am

In conclusion, we all have those special activity’s that we love and enjoy. To recap, my three passions are friends, snowboarding, and family. These are my passions, my question for you is what are your passions and where will they take you?

Fish sticks

11/26/2014 03:49:10 am

In conclusion, we all have those special activity’s that we love and enjoy. Mine are friends, snowboarding, and family. These are my passions. My question for you is what are your passions and and where will they take you?

Pancake

11/26/2014 12:14:18 am

In conclusion, I love all of my great passions for different reasons.Just in case you forgot my amazing passions they are family, drumming and friends. How much do you love your passions?

Fish sticks

11/26/2014 03:28:30 am

@Pancake- Maybe at the begging of your concluding paragraph you could add a hook of some sort and you could add more of a hooky ending.

Pancake

11/26/2014 03:48:57 am

REVISED

Conclusively, I love all of my wonderful passions for different reasons. Just in case you forgot my amazing passions they are family, drumming and friends. "Warmth, love, happiness, and joy." describe my passions. What words describe your passions?

Butterflypuppy

11/26/2014 12:30:30 am

to conclude my paragraph my passions mean the world to me and again they are Art, Friends, and Family

SnappingTurtle

11/26/2014 03:35:20 am

@butterflypuppy

Remember to fix those capitials.

SkaterBoi

11/26/2014 12:37:35 am

In conclusion my passions are very important to me. but I know gaming is not that important but thats how I can hang with some of my friends. Basketball and skating is the most important to me. My passions are basketball, gaming, and skating.

My Little Pony

11/26/2014 03:23:36 am

Tacosaur

11/26/2014 03:35:30 am

hello people

DaisyDuck

11/26/2014 03:42:36 am

In conclusion passions are for having fun not staying at home super bored, these passions express how I feel. Its even more fun when you do it with the people you love, always remember those times as a really good memory.I am really passionate about exploring new places, singing like no one cares, and fun with family and friends.

edit/revise please give me feed back

OMGCOTTTONCANDY { Revised}

11/26/2014 03:42:47 am

In conclusion, I hope you learned a lot about my passions which were shooting a soccer ball to fliping all over the place, or spending time with my rambucious family. I hope you learn about my passions. I also hope to learn about your passions, and why you're passions are so important to you

Azbo REVISED

11/26/2014 03:44:08 am

In summary, my passions means lots to me. My passions make sitting on the couch having nothing to do, to spending time on them happy I have them thinking what is yet to come... From drawing that picture that I never thought I could draw to me and my family enjoying are time together to scoring that amazing goal in soccer. My passions will never leave me. What are you passionate about.

Nhl boy

11/26/2014 03:50:01 am

I made a egg sandwich

I practiced my fast ball at recess

At lunch practiced my fast ball at lunch ⚽️🎳

Batman

12/8/2014 12:07:05 pm

revised) To summarise my passions were friends,sports and the last passion and my favorite is family.
what are you passionate about?

Comments are closed.

TUESDAY: Concluding Paragraphs

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