WEDNESDAY: Concluding Paragraphs #2

11/26/2014

Today, students continued working on their writing and are making an incredible amount of progress on their essas. We reviewed how to write a concluding paragraph and many students had, "AHAAAA!" moments as we learned how to write one. Tonight's task will be to continue editing/revising their concluding paragraphs on last night's post and then they will logically copy their work over to their google document.
1.) LA:

READ ALL OF THE INFORMATION LISTED BELOW!
Post your edited/revised concluding paragraph as a reply to your original post from yesterday!
This must include edits/revisions based on what you learned in class today about how to write a concluding paragraph.
Click here to review the link on concluding paragraphs.
Click here to review the video/song on essay structure.

1.) Restate your thesis statement. Remember to use different words/phrases but keep the
order.
2.) Summarize each of your points in one concise sentence. As discussed in class, restate your
topic sentences in a creative way. This should be a slightly longer sentence and not three
separate ones.
3.) Add a clincher. Click here to read about different types of clinchers you can use. Use one of
the ones listed for your concluding paragraph.

2.) MATH 6: Any assigned work. Quiz tomorrow.
MATH 7: Complete worksheet 3.6 with new strategies and study for your quiz tomorrow on
multiplication of decimals.

3.) POST A RESPONSE:

Click here to re-read the notes on 'CLINCHERS'. Remember, the clincher is your last sentence in your concluding paragraph! DO NOT POST YOUR ENTIRE CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH HERE! ONLY YOUR 2 SEPARATE/DIFFERENT CLINCHERS!

FOR EXAMPLE:
1.) QUOTATION: (Insert a quote here that clinches your essay)
2.) HUMOR: (Insert a sentence or two that clinches your essay)

Select two different types of clinchers from the link above.
Create two unique clinchers (sentences) to conclude your essay. Tell us which ones you chose and create two separate sentences to clinch your essay. This will give you several options to choose from to use in your final essay. This does not mean add both to your concluding paragraph.
Give specific feedback/suggestions to at least one other student.
Your feedback should be related to the information on the shared document.
Edit and revise your two new clinchers based on the feedback you receive.

USEFUL LINKS/VIDEO LINKS:
Essay Structure Rap
Shared Document (CLINCHERS)
How to Write a Concluding Paragraph

OMGCOTTONCANDY

11/26/2014 07:29:18 am

In conclusion, I hope you learned a lot about my passions which were shooting a soccer ball to fliping all over the place, or spending time with my rambuncious family. I hope you learn about my passions. I also hope to learn about your passions, and why you're passions are so important to you

Azbo

11/26/2014 08:12:49 am

Rememberthe period at the end of your paragraph!!(-:

Azbo

11/26/2014 08:34:23 am

I ment remember the period.

NHL 13 BOY

11/27/2014 06:01:00 am

AZBO I AM NHL13 BOY

OD YOU LIKE SOCCK AND OD YOU LIKE HOCKE NHL

OMGCOTTONCANDY { Revised }

11/26/2014 11:57:21 am

Oracle

11/26/2014 12:13:58 pm

@OMGCOTTONCANDY, I like how you added some Humor, which is a clincher, to you concluding paragraph, it was very interesting. Good job.

Goofy

11/27/2014 06:16:11 am

Your suppose to list 2 clinchers but not in the conclusion. Mr. Hong wants us to make 2 clinchers because he want us to pick between them at the end.

Azbo

11/26/2014 08:11:45 am

Hi.

Cookielover

11/26/2014 08:12:22 am

I don't get the post!

Goofy

11/26/2014 08:25:19 am

I dont either Mr.Hong it just does not make sense.

Julio

11/26/2014 10:05:39 am

I don't get it either

Pebbles

11/26/2014 11:15:46 am

It says add two clinchers to your concluding paragraph. If you do not know what clinchers are then click on the link and find out. Scroll through and pick the clinchers you are going to your concluding paragraph. Now add those in to your concluding paragraph (whether you are using your old one or writing a new one.)

Pebbles

11/26/2014 11:21:06 am

Pressed submit to early sorry.

After you have added yo clinchers to you paragraph press return and list the two clinchers you incorporated in your paragraph. After this you are almost done. Now comment on someone else's post and give them feed back. After this go to your post and revise it. If you have not got feed back from a peer ask your family members. After this you have finshed. But make sure just because you have done all these does not mean you don't look at the website and more. Keep checking to see if you got some more feed back yo help you improve your writing.

Hope this helped!!!

Mr. Hong link

11/26/2014 12:05:13 pm

@ Pebbles - Good advice! Keep up the good work!

@ Everyone - Monitor your Comprehension! :-)

Mr. Hong link

11/26/2014 11:50:42 am

@ Cookielover / Goofy - I want you to have some practice writing different clinchers. Make 2 clinchers for your essay. After you do that, you will be able to choose the one you like best! (next week). Follow the instructions step by step. The link I provided gives you a bunch of different ways you can 'CLINCH' your essay. Remember, leave your reader wanting to learn more or thinking more about your topic.

Fish sticks

11/26/2014 08:19:50 am

In conclusion, we all have those special activity’s that we love and enjoy. Mine are friends,soaring down a mountain on a snowboard, and family. These are my passions. My question for you is what are your passions and and where will they take you?

Goofy

11/26/2014 08:27:37 am

Conclusion Paragraph-revised
In summary my interest are in family,traveling, and cars. Without family life isn't complete thats why I love the family I got now lets try some new food traveling is awesome you get to try magnificent new foods lets see where we can go with cars now cars are amazing without them we would get know where. Next time you see me think about my passions.

Goofy

11/27/2014 12:25:16 am

CLINCHERS
1. I can’t just sit here and tell you about my three passions family, traveling, and cars so do you want to read my essay or not.

2. Next time you see me think about your passions and tell me about them.

Oracle

11/27/2014 12:40:38 am

@Goofy, Could you mention what clinchers you used? Ex. Humor.

Goofy

11/27/2014 06:03:09 am

Revised CLINCHER
1. (Call for action) Next time you see me think about your passions and tell me about them.
2. ( Call for action) If you are interested to learn what your passions are then take a few minutes and think about it and I promise you'll find out what your passions are.

Azbo

11/26/2014 08:37:04 am

In summary, my passions means lots to me. My passions make sitting on the couch having nothing to do, to spending time on them being happy. From drawing that picture that I never thought I could draw to me and my family enjoying our time together, to scoring that amazing goal in soccer. My passions will never leave me. I am not saying "Hi guys I have the new solution to boredom it's called having a good passion" or anything, but it is a great thing to have. What will be your amazing passions?

I will really like advice for this concluding paragraph I do not know if it is good or not, but that was all I could think of.

Oracle

11/26/2014 11:46:39 am

@Azbo, I like your Rhetorical Question clincher at the end, it wasn't the same as anybody else's paragraph and so far you were the only one I saw with a different clincher than "What are you passionate about?" You also forgot to include which clinchers you didn't include and which clinchers you did include. Good job overall!

Azbo

11/27/2014 12:40:56 am

Thanks Oracle!!!!!!

Azbo REVISED

11/27/2014 05:59:27 am

In summary, my passions means lots to me. My passions make sitting on the couch having nothing to do, to spending time on them being happy. From drawing that picture that I never thought I could draw to me and my family enjoying our time together, to scoring that amazing goal in soccer. My passions will never leave me. I am not saying "Hi guys I have the new solution to boredom it's called having a good passion" or anything, but it is a great thing to have. What will be your amazing passions?

CLINCHERS USED:
1. Rhetorical Question: What are your amazing passions?

2.Rhetorical Question: I have passions, you have passions, what are your exiting passions?

Oracle

11/27/2014 06:04:15 am

@Azbo REVISED, I really think you did better on your revised one, I think that I forgot to metion what part of my concluding sentence was the clincher, I think I will go revise mine.

11/26/2014 09:42:16 am

To summarize, These things are very special to me. Capturing memories, Exploring the unknown, and being with the ones I love. Next time you decide to ditch your family and friends to watch cat videos, I dare you to go outside with them and enjoy their company. Now I think its your turn, What are your favorite passions?

Mr.Potato

11/26/2014 09:43:26 am

^ ^ ^ ^ ^
I I I I I I
That was me.

Puffle

11/26/2014 09:43:43 am

For the most part, those were my passions and as you can tell, I'm a very artistic person. These passions are things that help you escape from reality. They help save memories and makes me forget about my own worries. Now you know all about my passions, I’m freeing you from my mind so that you can enjoy your’s too but before you go I want to ask you a question. What are your passions?

Pebbles

11/26/2014 11:12:02 am

@ Puffle, if you scroll up to the post a response it says to add two clinchers into your concluding paragraph. After that is done list them below your paragraph. But that's all you forgot to do. Other then that I thought your concluding paragraph was great! Good job.

Puffle

11/27/2014 06:18:43 am

Thank you for telling me that!

Mr.Potato

11/26/2014 10:11:17 am

So far Smarty-pants is no where to be seen.

Mr. Hong

11/26/2014 12:56:32 pm

@ Mr. Potato - Couldn't get someone to post for you? 😉

nhl 13 boy

11/27/2014 05:50:27 am

hey batman
I AM NHL 13 BOY
DO YOU LIKE SOCCKE

Batman

11/26/2014 10:15:40 am

To summarize my passions are important to me that is why I picked my favourite three passions to remind you they are friends,sports and family they are not just saying one of you're passionate about sports because you just play one game you have to play few games before you say you're passionate about it

Azbo

11/26/2014 10:31:19 am

Remeber your commas. For example you put to summarize and then my passions are important to me on and on. What you should put is "To summarize,________" Notice the comma. Other thaan that it is pretty good.

Azbo

11/26/2014 10:32:16 am

Than*

Yogi Bear

11/26/2014 10:38:01 am

In summary, those are my passions that the adjectives described in the intro paragraph. My passions are soccer, my loved ones, and active activities. What are you passionate about?

The clinchers that I used in my old concluding paragraph were stories and illustrations, and a rhetorical question.

The clinchers that I am using in my new concluding paragraph are reference to introduction and a rhetorical question.

Pebbles

11/26/2014 10:50:39 am

In summary, these are my most important passions. Whether it's scoring a goal in soccer, singing in front of one person, or spending time with the ones I love. These are my passions that I chose, love, and could never lose. So, what are you passionate about?

Pebbles

11/26/2014 10:56:07 am

The Clinchers I Used:

1.Reference to the Introduction
Refer to the remarks used to introduce your topic to promote continuity and closure.

Pebbles (Revised)

11/26/2014 11:04:13 am

"Follow your passions, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, and, above all, don't let anyone limit your dreams." In summary, these are my most important passions. Whether it's scoring a goal in soccer, singing in front of one person, or spending time with the ones I love. These are my passions that I chose, love, and could never lose. So, what are you passionate about?

The Clinchers I Used:

1. Reference to the Introduction
Refer to the remarks used to introduce your topic to promote continuity and closure.

2.Quotation
A quote can express feelings eloquently and reinforce the speaker's ideas.

Pebbles (Revised 2)

11/26/2014 11:08:04 am

"Follow your passions, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, and, above all, don't let anyone limit your dreams." I love this quote! When I found it on brainy quotes and read it, it was like it was piece of me. In summary, these are my most important passions. Whether it's scoring a goal in soccer, singing in front of one person, or spending time with the ones I love. These are my passions that I chose, love, and could never lose. So, what are you passionate about?

The Clinchers I Used:

1. Reference to the Introduction
Refer to the remarks used to introduce your topic to promote continuity and closure.

2.Quotation
A quote can express feelings eloquently and reinforce the speaker's ideas.

Julio

11/26/2014 11:20:38 am

To finish off, without passions we would all be standing around doing nothing. "We are minor in everything but our passions." We all have tons of passions, I have more than just guitar, traveling, and family. So next time you're standing around bored with nothing to do, just remember you have passions and you should go do those passions!

The clinchers I used in my paragraph were:
1.Reference to the introduction
2.Quotation

Pebbles

11/26/2014 11:26:33 am

@ Julio, great job! I like your quote. That was actually the original one I was going to use!! Try to add a hook at the end of your paragraph leaving the readers begging for more. Other then that great! I would love to read your hole paragraph.

Julio

11/26/2014 11:28:24 am

Ok, thanks I'll fix it.

Julio

11/26/2014 11:43:06 am

Um...I kind of already have a hook, so I can't really edit that.

Julio

11/26/2014 11:46:21 am

thanks anyways

Pebbles

11/26/2014 11:51:53 am

@ Julio, this is my opinion. Your hook is this "So next time you're standing around bored with nothing to do, just remeber you have passion and you should go do those passions." Maybe you could say this " Next time your bored remeber you have passions, passions that are always there for you to do. So stop be bored and have some fun with your passions" Matbe you could add this its your choice.

Julio

11/26/2014 11:54:37 am

Ok I'll think of something

Rainbow Unicorn

11/26/2014 12:21:01 pm

Great job @Julio! but maybe put a comma beside "just remember".

Julio

11/26/2014 01:18:42 pm

Ok.

Oracle

11/26/2014 11:42:00 am

The clinchers I haven't used were:
2. Stories - Just stories
1. Reference to the Introduction

To summarize, try to be passionate about something good either than a simple passion of for example, dogs and say “I am passionate about dogs because I just am.” And I hope you learned much more about myself and what and why I’m truly passionate about drawing, family, and lastly, playing. Oh great, now I got to fix up my desk. To sum everything up, I hope you saved me some popcorn by the way, which is not very related. What are you passionate about?

Oracle

11/26/2014 11:43:50 am

In addition, what clinchers I used were:
6. Humor - Well, just a bit.
4. Rhetorical Question - Stated it at the bottom

Oracle

11/27/2014 06:08:39 am

(REVISED) To summarize, try to be passionate about something good either than a simple passion of for example, dogs and say “I am passionate about dogs because I just am.” And I hope you learned much more about myself and what and why I’m truly passionate about drawing, family, and lastly, playing. Oh great, now I got to fix up my desk area. To sum everything up, I hope you saved me some popcorn by the way, which is not very related. So. Tell me, what are passionate about?

What clinchers I used were:
6. Humor - Oh great, now I got to fix up my desk area.
4. Rhetorical Question - So. Tell me, what are you passionate about?

May anyone please give me feedback or suggestions?

billy bob

11/26/2014 11:47:57 am

Well I guess that is then. (6) I truly hope that you enjoyed my passions that I wrote about and maybe consider trying one of them. (20) Those were my passions I hope that you enjoy your passions as much as I enjoy mine.(16) Now I hope I can think about my passions without you scaring me, right? (14)
total sentences: 4

Julio

11/26/2014 11:53:45 am

@ Billy Bob
You need to fix when you said "that is then" you need it to say, that is it then. Try saying something different instead of just "those were my passions" I also don't really understand your last sentence. I liked when you said "I hope that you enjoy your passions as much as I enjoy mine." I don't think anybody said anything similar to that. Good job!

Gooner

11/26/2014 11:57:23 am

So, Now you know what it is like having great passions like dance, family and baking. Those are my passions. What are yours?

Mr. Hong

11/26/2014 12:54:48 pm

@ Gooner - It apears you have not read the instructions for LA and the post a response. Please read everything that was posted today.

Gooner

11/27/2014 12:07:46 am

Sorry, I only did part of it because I had time to do it this morning but here is my revised one.

So, I think I might've changed your mind about having passions, They aren't just something you do or spend time with, They are your life and joy. Everyone has different passions, Mine are dance, family and baking. And i'm sure you have your own. Thanks for reading my essay! I hope you enjoyed.

Julio

11/26/2014 11:58:15 am

Julio

11/26/2014 11:58:54 am

EDITED/REVISED

Oracle

11/26/2014 12:10:47 pm

@Julio, Don't you mean that "Without passions, everyone wouldn't have something they like so much" Because if we were standing around doing nothing that would be like someone without a smart brain. Or actually, someone that has no brain.

Julio

11/26/2014 01:21:57 pm

I mean we would all be doing nothing because we wouldn't really like doing anything. But I'll try to make it more specific.

Rainbow Unicorn

11/26/2014 12:16:32 pm

So those my passions. But my family may not be perfect, we might not be able to go on vacation every year, I might not be really good at playing instruments, and my friends may not be so….friendly, but these people or things are more than perfect to me. Those are the most important things and people in my life,….family, traveling, music, and last but not least my friends. What are those special things in your life?

Rainbow Unicorn

11/26/2014 12:35:05 pm

The clinchers I use were

1. Rhetorical Question
2. (maybe) shocking facts

Pancak

11/26/2014 12:38:07 pm

Clincher 1.) I told you all about my passions! Know how about you tell me what you are passionate about?-Question
Clincher 2.) "Fallow your passion, be prepared to work hard and sacirfice, and, above all, don't let anyone limit your dreams."~Donovan Bailey-Quote

Cloud barston

11/26/2014 12:58:25 pm

In conclusion, Those are my passions: photography, family, and cooking. My Passions are very important to me wether you like it or
not, and yours are to you. I think. So those are my passions.

I used humor and refrence to introduction.

TweetyBird

11/26/2014 01:01:52 pm

Clincher #1
“Passion is energy. Feel the power that comes from focusing on what excites you.”
~Oprah Winfrey

Clincher #2
With that said, what are you passionate about?

Xbox man

11/26/2014 01:10:20 pm

In conclusion, these were my passions: Hockey, MineCraft and family! I love my passions so much and no one can change that. You should find your passions and i hope you liked my essay!

I posted so late cause of hockey game! :() FEEDBACK TOMoRoW! Or sooner! Bye guys!

Julio

11/26/2014 01:24:12 pm

EDITED/REVISED #2
To finish off, without passions we would all be standing around doing nothing because we wouldn't really like doing anything. "We are minor in everything but our passions." We all have tons of passions, I have more than just guitar, traveling, and family. So next time you're standing around bored with nothing to do, just remember, you have passions and you should go be creative with them and stop standing around!

Mr. Hong link

11/26/2014 01:54:53 pm

@ Everyone - We will review tonight's work tomorrow morning in class. The main idea was that you had some practice creating different types of clinchers to put into in your concluding paragraphs. :-)

Teddy bear

11/26/2014 02:11:00 pm

Clincher 1) "Follow your passion, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, and, above all, don't let anyone limit your dreams." By
Donovan Bailey
Clincher 2) My passions make me happy, cheerful and excited. What are you passionate about?

Buterflypuppy

11/27/2014 12:34:26 am

Clincher #1.) Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. -Oscar Wilde

Clincher #2.) There were my passions, Now what are yours?

SkaterBoi

11/27/2014 12:43:47 am

In conclusion my passions are basketball, gaming, and skating. These are kind of important. This is how I can hang out with my friends. Basketball, gaming, and skating is awsome. Lets get in to this.

Julio

11/27/2014 05:54:34 am

The clinchers I used were:
1) Reference to the introduction: So next time you're standing around bored with nothing to do, just remember, you have passions and you should go be creative with them and stop standing around!
2) Quotation: "We are minor in everything but our passions."

Give feedback and pick which one you like better for my last sentence.

Xbox man

11/27/2014 05:58:17 am

That was my passions and i love em whether yo like it or not! Find yours and always charish them! Feedback plz

Hero of ages

11/27/2014 06:01:35 am

In conclusion my favourite passions are Lego, swimming, and traveling
these are really important. This is my life. lets go!

Xbox man

11/27/2014 06:01:59 am

SO.... That was my passion paragraphs and i hope you like them! They are very special to me and none can change my mind. Only if there is a alien attack. Ya thats how important. You should find your passions and charish them always!

FEEDBACK PLEASE!!!!!!!

SkaterBoi

11/27/2014 06:14:53 am

@ Xbox Man - You're post was really good but you don't spell yeah as ya.

Azbo

11/27/2014 06:09:54 am

In summary, my passions means lots to me. My passions make sitting on the couch having nothing to do, to spending time on them being happy. From drawing that picture that I never thought I could draw to me and my family enjoying our time together, to scoring that amazing goal in soccer. My passions will never leave me. I am not saying "Hi guys I have the new solution to boredom it's called having a good passion" or anything, but it is a great thing to have. I have passions, you have passions, what are your exiting passions?

CLINCHERS USED:
1. Quotations: Passion is energy. Feel the power, that comes from focusing on what excites you.- Oprah Winfrey

2.Rhetorical Question: I have passions, you have passions, what are your exiting passions?

Ariel.

11/27/2014 06:10:15 am

(CLINCHERS)

1.) Type of clincher.
:Rhetorical Question
Are you passionate about something? Well lets find out.

2.) Type of clincher.
:Quotation
Just remember a passion does not make you happy, it makes you more than happy. As well as making you feel special about your talents.

Tacosaur

11/27/2014 06:10:33 am

The clincher I used was

(1) We aren't good at everything but the things we are good at we do the best~Tacosaur aka Caleb

Tacosaur

11/27/2014 06:14:59 am

@Hero of ages

I didn't understand what your clincher was?

11/27/2014 06:16:22 am

Xbox man

11/27/2014 06:16:59 am

clinchers: I dont know why im so hyper. It must be the coffee.
I guess I have rambled on long enough. I hope you liked my passions!
I really just want to talk and talk and talk.....................
Hey! Wait! I still have one more thing to tell youuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Stop right there! Or walk right past me, ok then!
I again hoped you liked my passions and... Umm... Ok bye!
That was all my passions and I....? Line!

Daisyduck

11/27/2014 06:19:32 am

Clincher There were my passions, Now what are yours?

Pebbles

11/27/2014 06:20:34 am

"Follow your passions, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, and, above all, don't let anyone limit your dreams." I love this quote! When I found it on brainy quotes and read it, it was like it was piece of me. In summary, these are my most important passions. Whether it's scoring a goal in soccer, singing in front of one person, or spending time with the ones I love. These are my passions that I chose, love, and could never lose. So, what are you passionate about?

Clinchers I used:

1.Reference to the Introduction
Whether it's scoring a goal in soccer, singing in front of one person, or spending time with the ones I love.

2.Quotations
"Follow your passions, be prepared to work hard and sacrifice, and, above all, don't let anyone limit your dreams."

Rainbow Unicorn

11/27/2014 07:11:41 am

1.Rehtorical Question:

What are those special things in your life?

2.Shocking Facts, Statements, or Situation:

But my family may not be perfect, we might not be able to go on vacation every year, I might not be really good at playing instruments, and my friends may not be so….friendly, but these people or things are more than perfect to me.

Azbo

11/27/2014 07:17:21 am

Mr. Hong It seems to have posted scroll up a bit ^
|
|

Billy bob

11/28/2014 09:18:22 am

Comments are closed.

WEDNESDAY: Concluding Paragraphs #2

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