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Writing - Voice

1/19/2017

Power of Words

1.) Science:

Test on Monday

2.) MATH:

Test on Monday
Complete your 4 calculations for tomorrow.

3.) PAR/LA/WRITING:

STEP 1: Copy and paste a piece of your own writing (from a previous post) here.
STEP 2: How would you describe the voice? (Think back to the words we brainstormed and the ones we used in class today - serious, sad, humorous, angry, tense, quiet, etv.)
STEP 3: Do you think the voice is a good fit for the purpose of the writing?
Give suggestions to one other student.
Edit/revise

VIDEO LINKS:
Power of Words

DavidR

1/19/2017 04:25:03 pm

fIRST AHHA

Richard

1/19/2017 04:45:14 pm

I am the first to get my hw done, so GET RETK!

dAVIDR

1/19/2017 04:26:29 pm

OHHH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH IM FIRSTTTTTTTT AHAH.IM FIRSTTTTT I CANT BELIEVE IT IM FIRST

ben

1/19/2017 04:35:46 pm

second

Richard

1/19/2017 04:44:08 pm

Conclusion
===========================
The boys were confused by the act of a guy trying to breaking in a house. They quietly approached the man and watched. The guy was having trouble getting in the house, so one of the idiot kids asked "Need help?" Witch then got smacked in the head buy another boy.
"Get out of here!" The man quickly dug up a sledge hammer that was 10 inches buried below him. He slammed the wall making a hole for him to crawl through. The boys mouth dropped like in those comic books."Lets follow him" Said one of the boys pulling out a paintball gun out of a secret compartment in his bag. "GET OUT OF ME SWOMP!"
"That loud voice must of come from inside!" They all nodded. As the boys entered they smelled a smell, the smelly smell that smells like moldy cheese and saw the man who broke in the first place, dead on the ground. They looked up and it was Shrek! The boys were never to be heard of ever again.

THE END

Feelings
=======================
Sad, funny ,and creepy

Mr. Hong

1/19/2017 07:14:22 pm

@ Richard - Do you think the voice is a good fit for the purpose of the writing?

Richard

1/19/2017 08:19:56 pm

Yeah

Chance

1/19/2017 04:48:48 pm

Third again

Logan

1/19/2017 04:49:46 pm

The three grade 7 kids went to help. The people that were trying to break in were Mr.Hong and Mrs.Hong . The grade sevens went and beat up the two robbers and then the old man came out and was very happy☺! He said " Why thank you" The old man said his name, and told the kids to come over any time they wanted.

BTW the grade sevens were Tyler,Dyamontae, and Ozem.

I think mine were,funny,happy,kinda wierd,and humorous!!!!

Logan

1/19/2017 04:52:25 pm

I AM SECOND WOOHHOOO
YYYYYAAAAIIIIIITTTTYT I'M SECONDBABY I'M SECOND YEAHHHHHHHH FIRST THE WORST SECOND THE BEST YAAAAAAYASGJNEJDJEKXJEJXJEJC DNDJDNBGDJJDJDJDG
YYYAAAIIITTT YOU ALL PLAYED YOURSELVES WOOHHOOO HOOOOO KDXJADJSFJFJFFFFFJDFKALALQPALAKZJDJDJFJFFGFFGJDJDDJJDJDHDFHDHDJDHDJDHDHDFFJFJDJDNDNFJRJ

Ashley

1/19/2017 07:03:25 pm

Take a chill pill Logan.......

Mr. Hong

1/19/2017 07:14:09 pm

@ Logan - Do you think the voice is a good fit for the purpose of the writing?

Logan

1/20/2017 07:35:39 am

I think it's good because I said you and Mrs.Hong were trying to break in and it was pretty wierd so I think it's good😀

Mr. Hong

1/20/2017 08:58:36 am

@ Logan - I asked, because it was one of the questions from the PAR. :-)

Jacob

1/19/2017 05:00:36 pm

The old man got up from taking a nap and said ''Little Punk Get Of my LAWN!!!!!!!' so the person breaking in got scared at ran of

Jacob

1/19/2017 05:01:20 pm

The old man got up from taking a nap and said ''Little Punk Get Of my LAWN!!!!!!!' (angey) so the person breaking in got scared at ran of

Mr. Hong

1/19/2017 07:15:00 pm

@ Jacob - Please repost your completed piece of writing.

DavidR

1/19/2017 05:02:08 pm

The man appeared to have short black hair, big saggy pants, and he was big.The students wondered why that man tried to break into the hose, was it because they wanted to see the elderly man's face soo bad that they broke into his house? This was still a mystery until 2017 when the elderly man DIED unexpectedly from a heart attack.The three boys soon met up at the old elderly man's creepy abandoned house, they too tried to break into the house to see what happened that faithful night.What the boys found was coincidently funny because the person that tried to break into the house was the elderly man,they found a note that said that "I have made a stupid mistake I left my keys in the house so I had to break into it To Mommy".The boys laughed and laughed until they could not breathe, sadly the 3 kids that made it into grade 7, died from a heart attack too.This is still a mystery to this day, and some people think that the house is HAUNTED!!! ĐUN ĐUN DUNNN!
Hope you like it.

Voices
Despair,Scaryyy,Hollow,Creepy

Mr. Hong

1/19/2017 07:12:59 pm

@ David R - Do you think the voice is a good fit for the purpose of the writing?

DavidR

1/19/2017 08:57:26 pm

@Mr.Hong-I do think is is the write voice for my story.

Also my mom's sister passed away on Wensday.Can I talk to you about it?

Logan

1/20/2017 07:33:57 am

I'm sorry to hear that David.R I hope you are ok ☺

ben

1/19/2017 05:15:47 pm

Conclusion:
The 3 Gr7 students ran to where they broke in and called the police, but when they took their phones out then fell to the ground as if the phone went the their hand and then they started to freak out. Then 1 of them felt like they wanted to vomit then the second one shout out because he/she thought they saw the old man then the third one tried to run, but couldn't because he/she can't see what is pulling his/her legs. After they all collapsed against the floor like they got smashed against the head by a wooden plank with a nail on it. Later when they woke up they heard police siren everywhere, when they decided to look around they saw the old man's face then everything went black then a loud sound RRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
It's like a sudden sound that has just popped out of no where, then they woke up in school. When the looked up at the teacher, they saw the old man.
DUN DUN DUNNNN!!!!!

I would think the voice of this is like it suddenly changes every second like from curious of wanting to know what going to happen then it goes quiet a little bit then scary after quiet again then a loud scary sound happen like instantly and it went quiet again.

Jesse

1/19/2017 05:24:14 pm

The three grade 7 ran into the old man's yard. The robbers ran away. The grade 7's chased after the robbers, but they were too fast. Then, the old man came out from the buildING in a limousine. The old man let the grade 7's hopped in, and chase after the robbers. After, the cops came and arrested them, the old man drove the children's back to his place. When they returned, the limousine was in the old man's garage. The old man, and the grade 7's became best friends

I think this paragraph is tense, funny, and mysterious.

Mr. Hong

1/19/2017 07:12:43 pm

@ Jesse - Do you think the voice is a good fit for the purpose of the writing?

Shmil

1/19/2017 05:35:33 pm

The grade 7 students tried to stop the man from breaking into the house by throwing small rocks at him. The man who was trying to break in the house ran away. The three grade 7 students saw the old man who was known as Frankenstein peeking through the window. The three grade 7 students asked him if he was okay through the window. The old man was silent for a second. Then he said "Thank you.". The grade 7 students heard him cry. Then he said "I thought everyone wanted to kill me... They said I was too weird.". The grade 7 students was sad too. So, they comforted the old man. The old man said his name is Ronald. "I just needed people to talk to... Thank you." Said Ronald. The three grade 7 students talked with him and went home. They promised that they would visit him everyday.But then, one day, they visited the old man. They knocked on the door. The old man didn't open the door. It was open. "This is weird... Ronald usually locks the door.." Said one of the grade 7 students. They opened the door and saw the old man on the floor. They were really shocked... The old man was dead. He was sick. The grade 7 students found a note on the ground right beside Ronald. They picked it up and started reading it. It said "All I needed was someone to talk to. Thank you for everything. -Ronald" The grade 7 students started to cry. They called the ambulance. The ambulance came to get Ronalds dead body. After that, days passed by. And days turned into months. Months turned into years. The grade 7 students are no longer grade 7's. They are 30 years old now. They will never forget about Ronald. The end.

I think the voice for my story is sad, serious, mysterious, and scary.

Mr. Hong

1/19/2017 07:12:26 pm

@ Shmil - Do you think the voice is a good fit for the purpose of the writing?

Shmil (Revised)

1/20/2017 07:37:35 am

Elenoa

1/19/2017 06:39:42 pm

As they walked over to the house ,the water around the house started to get higher , the cloud had gone grey , it got colder , and started to rain . When they got to the door it was opened . they all touched the door to open it and "FLASH" they were gone . Ever since that day no one has ever been on the property . Untill...........

To be continued ....

~Feelings~
Mysterious , creepy , scary , jittery , sorta sad

Mr. Hong

1/19/2017 07:12:08 pm

@ Elenoa - Do you think the voice is a good fit for the purpose of the writing?

Also....continue your story! I want to hear more! :-)

Xaviery

1/19/2017 06:43:07 pm

** The Grade 7's walked towards to the black shadow ahead. "Hey, do you think someone's there?" One of them asked. "Yeah, probably..." Xaviery answered as she carefully walked towards to the old man's house. "Wait, where you going?!" Dotta said as she hurriedly followed Xaviery. "Guys, I don't think this is.." Shmil stopped at her tracks as she noticed a tall shadow behind the two of them. "G-Guys..." She couldn't make out the words she's trying to say. The red eyes of the tall shadow she saw we're paralyzing her whole body to stop moving. "Hm? What's wrong Shmil?" Xaviery asked puzzled. Dotta turned and looked at Shmil with a concerned look. "C'mon, let's check it!"
"Yeah, yeah!"
"G-Guys... look."

The two students looked and was terrified to see the tall black shadow with red eyes. Shmil finally broke free and ran away as fast as she could. She was scared and regretted not saving them. She couldn't look back to see her friends getting eaten by the monster. The last thing she heard from them we're ear piercing screams. **

Scary, mysterious, serious, tense, quiet.

Mr. Hong

1/19/2017 07:11:44 pm

@ Xaviery - Do you think the voice is a good fit for the purpose of the writing?

Ashley

1/19/2017 07:04:35 pm

Many years ago, there was an elderly man who never left his home. Nobody knew what he looked like and the children who walked by his house every day only guessed what he was like. Many people had labelled him 'Frankenstein' because they could only ever see a shadow of his face through his windows. One day, three Grade 7 students were walking home from school when they saw something that caught their attention. It appeared as though someone was trying to break into the side of the old man's house.

Conclusion: The 3 Grade 7s yelled at the man "What do you think your doing!?" The man ignored the kids.
One of the kids stepped up and walked up to the man to see what he was up too. The man looked at the kid and opened the door. The man looked straight at the kids. His face was old, pale, and wrinkly. "This is my house.." The man said with all the worlds he had. The kids said sorry and moved on.

Voice:
Serious
Dark
Mysterious
Determination

Mr. Hong

1/19/2017 07:11:26 pm

@ Ashely - Do you think the voice is a good fit for the purpose of the writing?

Jaci

1/19/2017 07:31:03 pm

🌟🍼👶🏻Story👶🏻🍼🌟

As the grade 7 students where walking on the side walk they saw two shadow like figures walking inside the house both of them where caring pistols. The grade 7 students where trembling of what they saw suddenly they heard an ear piercing scream coming from inside the house the grade 7 students ran as fast as they could towards the side of the house though the door each of them gasping for air finally when they all took a deep breath they saw something that they wished that they can unseen they saw the criminals on the ground each of them covered with blood and badly injured they heard crying coming from the corner of the room the old man was curled up in a ball saying "he only did it to defend himself". The grade 7 students thought it was time to call the cops and the ambulance and thats exactly what they did the cops and ambulance finally came after 15 minutes the cops field a report about what happened. The ambulance came and took the old man to the hospital and a cop came towards the shocked grade 7 students saying what they did was brave he said "thank your for staying with the old man" until, we came the grade 7 students said your welcome and they all said that they couldn't just leave him to get hurt.

The End I bet you guys didn't expect a cliffhanger lol!!!! 🌚

Voice

serious
sad
despair

Jacob

1/19/2017 08:47:38 pm

When the three grade sevens saw the man they stoped for a second and wondered "what is that person doing said Jacob.
"We should call the police " said Jared so they called the police.
After a few minutes the police car shows up "HEY!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!!!!" said the officer and so a chance starts they run through back yards through streets until they stop the man breack in in was A squid! Dun dun dun "Wopwopwowpowpwpoo "and the spurs man went down it the drain and never saw him again..............

Later "well that was a super villain Mr.Zoidberg.
"Oh well be on the look out then" said Jacob and the grade 7s walked home.

Or did they ;)
Voice was (Scared, Dertemined, serious,)
I think it worked out cause it was serious when they saw the person breaking in Dertemined when the officer chased him and scary backseat they where a little bit scared when then saw the person breaking in

Chance

1/19/2017 10:07:24 pm

http://www.thehoroscope.co/zodiac-signs/may-15-zodiac-taurus.html

The zodiac for may 15 is Turaus or something I think 💭 wit's a type of bull.
It represents people who were born from April 20 to May 15. It also means discipline and loyalty and Savageness. I couldn't find much but yea. I don't know if this is what you wanted though.

I thought the voice was perfect for this and it was like a sad voice I guess. IDK

Avy

1/19/2017 10:09:05 pm

As the grade seveners got closer to the house they saw the old man, he was scared he tired to call 911 but they cut the power so the kids ran into the house to help the old man, but then someone had a gun and BOOM,BOOM,BOOM he heard gunshots but he screamed and he woke up and relized it was all a dream

Feeling
Sad,creepy,tense

Jared

1/19/2017 10:29:55 pm

Many years ago, there was an elderly man who never left his home. Nobody knew what he looked like and the children who walked by his house every day only guessed what he was like. Many people had labelled him 'Frankenstein' because they could only ever see a shadow of his face through his windows. One day, three Grade 7 students were walking home from school when they saw something that caught their attention. It appeared as though someone was trying to break into the side of the old man's house. One of the kids "Jared" saw this and said "Not today!" The other two friends Jagger and Jacob also saw the robber. They all ran up to the robber and attacked him. Unexpected the robber called more of his friends over. 5 robbers jumped out with crowbars and rushed towards the kid. since the kids were smaller then the robbers they avoided they're attacks and grab the robbers crowbars. Jagger calls the police which Jared and Jacob beat up the robbers. When the police arrived they found out that the man was Mr Hong, they're teacher and his family. As the kid left to go home they said to each other" we did a good deed today right guys?"

I felt sad,tense,happy, and hopful thanks to my story
I believe I couldeve added more emotions but I am in a rush

Shaan

1/19/2017 10:30:25 pm

The 3 grade sevens went to the side of the house to see who were the people and then they recognized them. One of them was his friend. He said "what are you doing?"He sounded like he was in shock he felt a weird feeling in his stomach. His friend said " seeing who lives in this house." The three grade sevens walked back to the sidewalk. As soon as they made it far they called an adult, but the his friend heard them and ran away. One of the grade sevens ran after him. The two grade sevens who stayed saw a police car driving down the street they ran up to the car. And they said" a person tried to break in the old mans house." The one who ran after the other grade seven brought him back to the house. And it turned out the old man was a old women. She never let anyone see her because she was afraid people would make fun of her. Now a day later the old woman is not scared to show her face around the area. The three grade sevens got certificates.

I wanted my writing to be surprising,happy, and tense.

Dyamontae

1/19/2017 10:43:42 pm

So the grade 7s started to spy on the man. They saw that the man came out 23 minutes later. So they went in the house to see the body of the old man on the ground, cold, not breathing, he wasnt dead yet. He saw the kids and spoke his last words. "Don't feel bad for me my time was coming anyways." The thfee grade 7s were crying in terror and fear. They called the police and the police were investigating the crime seen to find out the man had killed himself.

I believe my voice in this story was sinister, mysterious, and serious

Tyler

1/19/2017 11:13:14 pm

The grade 7 student went up to he guy and talked to him "hey bud what's going on??" Asked Tyler but he didn't reply he was wearing a mask. Dyamontae heard a sudden yell from the old man dyamontae warned Tyler. Tyler thought he should do something he whispered to dyamontae "ready record this" Tyler walk up to the man and the man pulled a knife on Tyler but Tyler being the savage he is slap they goofy outta the man and he fell to the floor as avy yelled world star. The three boys ran inside the old man was held hostage and there were two more people in the room Tyler ran punched the masked man in the face there was one more man left and he had a gun. Dyamontae yelled be careful Tyler yelled "duh" the dudes gotta gun Tyler looked at him and kicked him in the head with a spinning hook kick and the man was out cold. Avy and dyamontae untied the old man and they asked him what happened he told the three boys that he was Tyler's crush's dad and Tyler was happier then when he tried his first Big Mac. The man thanked Tyler for what he has done they called the popo and they took the men to prison. The cos drove the kids home and the next day Tyler ran into the old man and his daughter and Tyler said "hello" to the man and his daughter the old man introduced Tyler to his daughter and told her how amazing he was, and she whispered to her dad her father said "Tyler my daughter think your really cute and she was wondering if you wanted to go on a date not with me but with daughter" Tyler answered with a quick yes and the two walk home to get ready. 8 years later Tyler asked if she wanted to marry him and she screamed "yes" all of a sudden wedding bells were heard and Tyler all of a sudden woke up and he checked his phone and it was as dry as the desert. Tyler turned around and his crush was right next to him hugging him "good morning" she said he held her hand and sphe told her "I love you from the bottom of my heart I always have and I always will" when he was finished his sentence he felt a ring on her hand and he remember they got married 4 years ago all of a sudden their room door opened and they were joined my twins boys both at the age of 3 their children joined them in the bed and her dad walk in and asked them who wants breakfast.

Voices: romance, sad, quiet, happy, impressed, amazed, etc there was a lot of emotion and it fit pretty well because there was a lot of twists and turns and happy and sad moments. So to me it's perfect

Tamim

1/19/2017 11:28:15 pm

Tyler and tamim went to cheek what is going then they a found the old man trying to get inside a bank Tyler and tamim they go to stop him Tyler hit the punch then tamim hits the old man with his elbow the Avy screams world star and is on instagram live streaming it then they call the police while they were waiting they when to cheek if the police were here when the police came they asked were is the old man they pointed at were the old man was but no one was there they were all shocked after that day the old man was never seen again
Voices: serious,scary,shocked,

Ali

1/20/2017 08:16:47 am

Ali1/19/2017 08:07:17 am
There are 3 grade 7 students that ran in a Walmart they called the police because there was a some one stealing some food then the cops came to the Walmart to catch the bad guy then they cout the bad guy. Then it was a nice day in Surrey

I think it was boring and and it was okey

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